Shake the old. A play for 5 people. Comedy in two acts. Nikolay Lakutin
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Comedy for 5 people. A play in two acts. (Can be delivered as a one-act).
An explanatory note for the director is attached at the end of the play.
ACTORS
Methodius (retired).
Agnes (retired).
Vedana (retired).
Nyura (pensioner).
Yulka (young girl).
Action 1
Scene 1. News!
Morning. Courtyard. Bench.
Grunting, Nyura slowly comes out. Modest old man's clothes, a handkerchief tied on his head. He looks at an empty bench, slowly turns around, looks for his friends. Doesn't find it. Makes a deflection in the back (corrects the back, accompanying this edit with a heavy "Oh-oh"), sits down on a bench. Pulls out a smartphone with a shaking hand. Puts on glasses, looks closely at the screen, "pokes" something in the smartphone, presses a button, sends a voice message.
Nyura (in a raspy, still undeveloped voice). Well, where are you, my beloved comrades? I'm already on duty. Come on, hurry up. Let's sit and think about the life we've lived… And not only that… for ours.
Releases the button. He hears the hubbub of friends.
Agnes (cheerfully). Yes, here she is already right here!
Vedana (cheerfully). Sitting, already. Nimble!
Enter Agnes and Vedana. They walk slowly, in an old man's way. Each has a bag in her hand (not empty). The mood of the friends is upbeat.
Agnes (cheerfully). Sitting, sitting already girlfriend. And it's good.
Vedana (cheerfully). Yes, it's on hand!
Nyura (surprised, pointing at her smartphone). And… and I just sent you a message in the chat. Well, all right, come on, come on, moor up.
Friends, like two elementary school students, stand in front of Nyura, are embarrassed, hold each other's hand. Trying to catch their breath. They smile sweetly and cunningly.
Nyura understands what will happen now.
Nyura ("disowning" purely symbolically). Oh, come on, girls, really! Let's do without it all. Don't remind me, and it's so sickening.
Agnes (cautiously, with a grin). No, well…, we were preparing.
Vedana (cheerfully). In fact, Nyurka! Come on, don't get upset!
Nyura (waving it off and not pushing too hard). Ay, do what you want!
Agnes (pathetically). So, our dear Nyurochka. You've become a grown-up girl today. Vedana and I have conferred and decided to buy you a birthday present.
Nyura (symbolically refusing). Yes, we will.
Vedana (cheerfully). You wait to deny it. Take a look first, you'll be happy right away.
Agnes (positively). Look!
Agnes takes a handkerchief out of the bag, unwraps it, shows it defiantly. The handkerchief is exactly the same as the one tied on Nyura's head.
Vedana (cheerfully). Voila!
Nyura looks at the handkerchief and her friends with suspicion. He takes his handkerchief off his head, unfolds it, tries it on next to him. One to one. There is a dumb, not quite literary question in her eyes!
Nyura (with suspicion and misunderstanding). Are you kidding me?
Agnes (positively). No way! We just thought about this. It's your favorite handkerchief. It gets stuck, gets stuck… And then once, and the new one is the same. What's it like?
Vedana (cheerfully, Nyure). Is it sensible, tell me?
Nyura (not too happily). Girls, yes, I will not live to see the time when my favorite handkerchief is worn and faded. But thanks anyway. There will be something to plug the gap in the window. (Accepts the gift, casually crumples it) And then it slipped yesterday. (Bends in the back). The back does not bend at all!
Vedana (cheerfully, Nyure). If you live, you'll live. Just in this case, keep another present from me personally!
Vedana takes gifts from her bag, passes them to Nyura and explains.
Vedana (cheerfully, Nyure, explaining what she gives). These are pressure pills. Here you go, this is a widely used painkiller. This is valerian. Well, this sweet thing is ascorbic acid! Vitamins!
Nyura (not too happily, accepting gifts). Yes… You don't want to live with such friends, and they won't let you die. Thank you. Sit down already, there is no truth in the legs.
Agnes (sitting down on the bench next to her). Oh, no, Nyurka, that's right. There is no truth in the legs.
Vedana (sitting down next to him on a bench). And where will you find this truth now? She's nowhere to be found. You won't find it in the daytime with fire!
Nyura (judiciously, to Agnes, pointing to Vedana). And that's right! Vedana speaks the truth! Not to find the truth today.
Agnes (nodding, shaking her head). Not to find…
Nyura (nodding, shaking his head). Not to find…
Vedana (nodding, shaking his head). Not to find…
everything. The topics for discussion are exhausted. Friends are eagerly looking for at least some reason to discuss something with their eyes. For their luck, Yulka passes by. A young girl is a neighbor. He carries a bag of garbage in his hand. Dressed provocatively, brightly, as befits young beautiful ambitious girls.
Yulka is nervously talking on the phone, does not notice the old ladies sitting on the bench in the confusion.
Yulka (into the phone, nervously). Excuse me? Excuse me? I hear your "sorry" all the time. You know! I'm sick of it. Let's tie up this whole kitchen. I don't want any more of your apologies, or "otkoryak." That's it. Into the furnace. They turned the page and forgot. While. (Continues, after a short pause, also into the phone, nervously). You did not understand. That's it! Finish! There will be no more meetings. Don't call. Yes, I thought well. Come on, everyone.
Julia leaves. The old girlfriends follow her with boring glances!
Nyura (with a tease). Yulka, out of the second entrance, has completely dissolved. He turns men around as he wants.
Agnes (assenting, shaking her head reproachfully). Ay, they're all like that. Young libertines. They will squeeze the boy to the last penny and take a fresh one into circulation. Fools are good, enough.
Vedana (assenting, shaking her head reproachfully). Yeah, the girl got screwed up. And I remember rocking her once in my arms when she was very young. She was so pretty. I thought a man would come out of it. And now what? (He spits defiantly). Ugh!
The old ladies inhale and exhale disapprovingly at once.
Vedana (with condemnation). A parasite!
Nyura (with condemnation). Drug addict!
Agnes (with condemnation). A prostitute!
Vedana (with condemnation). Ugh!
Nyura (with condemnation). Ugh!
Agnes (with condemnation). Ugh!
Yulia returns already without a garbage bag. Puts the phone in his pocket, notices the old ladies. Kindly, quite sincerely smiles at them.
Yulka (politely, smiling at the old ladies). Hello!
Agnes, Vedana, Nyura (politely, good-naturedly, in chorus). Hello there!
Agnes (touching). She has become so big, and what a beauty!
Vedana (touching). The mother's