PREFACE

      A while ago we came across an idea about the origins of the universe that made us think of marriage. We weren’t aware that anyone had connected this idea with being married, and it got us thinking. The more we talked about it, the more this idea evolved into a new way of understanding marriage. We found ourselves thinking we should write a book about this.

      So for a year and a half now, we wake up in the morning and make breakfast for our kids and take them to school, and then we sit side by side at a desk, doing our best to give language to this new way of understanding marriage.

      There are, of course, lots of books on marriage. Practical books, inspiring books, books that can give you all sorts of advice and steps and techniques for facing and dealing with the challenges of marriage, from communicating better to handling money to sex to the division of household tasks.

      This book, however, is about the deeper mysteries of marriage. How is it that the same relationship can be capable of producing so much joy and so much pain? How is it that the slightest thoughts and actions can so significantly change the space between two people? How is it that the space between two people can be so unique that it exists nowhere else in the universe? How is it that flawed, fragile, flesh-and-blood human beings can relate to each other in such a way that they show each other the divine?

      Something powerful and profound happens in marriage—something involving energy, love, and the deepest forces of the universe. We believe that you can grow in your awareness of these realities, learning how to better see what’s going on in the space between you, how it works, and how the love can flow all the more freely between you.

      To that end, we’ve included discussion questions at the end of this book as well as endnotes with commentary to help you explore these deeper mysteries together.

      It’s our hope that this new way helps you better understand and enjoy this mysterious, extraordinary, difficult, beautiful, frustrating, complicated gift called marriage.

       CHAPTER 1

       WHAT’S A ZIMZUM?

      We want to give you a new way of understanding marriage.

      It’s called the zimzum of love, and we explain it with stick figure drawings.

      At first, it’s just you.

      Your life is mostly about you. Your friends and your work and your schedule and your interests and your goals and your thoughts and all the rest of what makes your life your life.

      Your center of gravity extends roughly as far as you.

      But then you meet someone—or you’ve known someone for a while—and that person has their own life, with their own center of gravity, and your heart begins to shift toward them.

      You find yourself thinking about them, drawn to them. When you’re not with them, you miss them, you ache for them, your phone rings and when you see that it’s them you feel a surge of electricity through your body.

      You

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