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First published in hardback in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2015
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
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London SE1 9GF
Visit us on the web at www.harpercollins.co.uk
Text © David Baddiel, 2015
Illustrations © Jim Field 2015
Jacket illustration © Jim Field, 2015
Jacket Design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2014
David Baddiel and Jim Field assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
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Source ISBN: 9780007554522
Ebook Edition © 2015 ISBN: 9780007554553
Version: 2018-08-23
To the Grandmas – Sarah, and Dinks, late of this parish.
Contents
Copyright
Part 1: Pause
Chapter 1: Fred and Ellie
Chapter 2: Eric
Chapter 3: Cyberdodo
Chapter 4: The other twins
Chapter 5: Fred’s football trials: just one example
Chapter 6: Wedgie
Chapter 7: Click here
Chapter 8: Say please
Chapter 9: The package
Chapter 10: Pair with Controller
Chapter 11: Prepare yourself
Chapter 12: Wwwwoooaargggh!
Chapter 13: 7.13
Chapter 14: Wheee! and wheheyheey!
Chapter 15: Countdown
Chapter 16: Have we got any bacon?
Chapter 17: Good behaviour
Chapter 18: I’mgonnakillyouuuuuuuu!!
Chapter 19: My turn
Chapter 20: Ellie Premium Edition
Chapter 21: You’re my stylist
Part 2: Upgrade
Chapter 22: Most Improved
Chapter 23: Flashback
Chapter 24: Time to shine
Chapter 25: it’s bananas, Morris
Chapter 26: A kind of looking-down smile
Chapter 27: It’s a deal
Chapter 28: A shaven gorilla
Chapter 29: Thor’s hammer of bacon
Chapter 30: Actually, it’s not Skype
Chapter 31: No More Questions!
Chapter 32: Nerd
Chapter 33: It’s got a flashing light on it
Chapter 34: Two cowboys about to draw
Chapter 35: The Boxspital
Chapter 36: Happy Christmas, Stones …
Chapter 37: Charged to the Max
Chapter 38: Emwmwtaapt Morris
Chapter 39: I am Karabuki!
Chapter 40: Pure Power
Chapter 41: …
Chapter 42: I’ve felt better
Part 3: Highest Level
Chapter 43: A big, flat, cardboard shoe
Chapter 44: The Bracket Wood and Surrounding Area Inter-school Winter Trophy
Chapter 45: The next game
Chapter 46: There’s only really one place
Chapter 47: What happened?
Chapter 48: Never even come near me with a football again
Chapter 49: Like this one?
Chapter 50: Paired
Chapter 51: Gravity Rush
Chapter 52: When it comes to the crunch
Chapter 53: Single bow
Chapter 54: Watch Out!
Chapter 55: 110 per cent
Chapter 56: A gentle little push
Part 4: Bonus
Chapter 57: Bonus Easter egg. On Christmas Day
Footnotes
Acknowledgements
Books by David Baddiel
About the Publisher