Monkey Business. Sarah Mlynowski
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PRAISE FOR SARAH MLYNOWSKI
As Seen on TV
“A fun and telling look at the world of reality TV and the lure of fame.”
—Booklist
“As Seen on TV is funny…. The book is filled with witty characters and Steve, a lovable boyfriend whom you can’t help rooting for.”
—Columbus Dispatch
“As Seen on TV is simply irresistible—one of the best reasons you could find for reaching for the TV remote and hitting the off button.”
—International bestselling author Nick Earls
Fishbowl
“An original and very funny celebration of friendship between women.”
—Waldenbooks, Best of 2002 Women’s Fiction
“…Mlynowski is out for a rollicking good time from the start.”
—Arizona Republic
“Undemandingly perfect…wonderfully bitchy.”
—Jewish Chronicle
“A fresh and witty take on real-life exams in love, lust, trust and friendship.”
—Bestselling author Jessica Adams
Milkrun
“Mlynowski is acutely aware of the plight of the 20-something single woman—she offers funny dialogue and several slices of reality.”
—Publishers Weekly
“This Sex and the City-style story is chick-lit for the modern age.”
—Heat
Twenty-something Sarah Mlynowski was born in Montreal, Canada, and has an honors degree in English literature from McGill University. She is currently a full-time novelist in New York, and her books have been published in more than sixteen countries. Monkey Business is her fourth novel.
If you’d like to say hello, visit her Web site at www.SarahMlynowski.com.
Monkey Business
Sarah Mlynowski
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many, many thanks to:
my mom, Elissa Ambrose, because she reads each word I ever write, no matter what time it is, and always makes my sentences sound prettier; my editor, Sam Bell, for putting this book on the Slim-Fast diet and showing me how to punch it up; my agent, Laura Dail, for being superb in every way; Corinne Gelman, for still being my favorite interview subject, and for taking the time to read early, cryptic drafts of this book; Lynda Curnyn, because she is one of the nicest editors around, as well as being a fabulous writer and my favorite lunching companion; the RDI team: Farrin Jacobs, Margaret Marbury, Laura Morris, Stephanie Campbell, Margie Miller, Tara Kelly and Tania Charzewski, for their excellent work; my friends and little sister: Jess Braun, Bonnie Altro, Robin Glube, Jess Davidman and Aviva Mlynowski, for always answering my Is-This-Funny?/Does-This-Sound-Too-Canadian? e-mails within thirty seconds of receiving them; and Todd Swidler, because with him beside me, everything makes sense. Life, love and even arbitrage pricing. Okay, he had to explain that last one multiple times and ver-r-ry slowly.
For my dad and stepmom,
Larry Mlynowski and Louisa Weiss,
with love.
Contents
orientation (primarily academic)
kimmy’s big blunder
jamie wants a replay so he can amend his foreplay
russ floats and forgets
layla applies herself
kimmy contemplates the random acts of the universe
russ omits one significant detail
first semester
jamie comes late (literally)
kimmy’s double date
layla makes a good impression
kimmy buys her books
russ goes to war
jamie is a washout
layla’s price isn’t right
kimmy’s quasi quarantine
layla finds her prince in a haystack
kimmy’s fears comes true
layla has a girls’ night in
kimmy does her patriotic duty
jamie snoozes and loses
russ spins the bottle
layla tricks but won’t treat
jamie is shockingly punctual
russ blasts beer
kimmy goes to bat
russ caves in
layla goes fruity
kimmy knows the drill
jamie wants a sex change/jamie wants sex, period
layla gets the job done
russ returns to the land of the loonies
kimmy waits
layla hits the books
kimmy studies it up at the library
jamie’s on fire
russ ignores his conscience
layla thinks she failed (again)
russ finishes his exam
kimmy gets screwed
russ rings in the new year
jamie saves the world one book at a time
kimmy’s prepping
it’s the doghouse for russ
second semester
kimmy’s shrinking basket
layla’s stakeout
the green-eyed monster gets to russ
layla writes a marketing plan
kimmy has a heart-to-heart
jamie’s wake-up call
layla makes her move
kimmy works it
russ almost blows his cover
layla gets bubbly
jamie’s valentine’s day curse
kimmy is pissed
jamie thinks about life
russ gets nailed
kimmy gets lucky
jamie returns to the zoo
kimmy has a boyfriend
russ becomes a copycat
layla’s library libido
kimmy saves her boyfriend’s ass
jamie’s muse makes him miserable
russ is annoyed
layla’s new fantasy
kimmy boards the train to pain
jamie talks the talk
layla’s epiphany
russ