The Marked Men Series Books 1–6: Rule, Jet, Rome, Nash, Rowdy, Asa. Jay Crownover
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all the time, even though he wasn’t armed with the knowledge that I had been in love with him for so long. I hated that I couldn’t answer it for him. Remy’s secrets weren’t mine to tell, even if it strained things between Rule and me.
“He had his reasons. At the time I understood them; I guess I didn’t see how damaging they could be. At the end of the day, he saved me from a high school life that would have been miserable and a family that treats me like furniture, so I don’t mind suffering for him in the slightest. You would have liked him; everyone did. As moody and difficult as Rule can be, Rem was just the opposite. He was always affable, smiling, and happy. He just wanted to have a good time and make sure everyone else did, too.
“When he graduated, he was supposed to go to California on a football scholarship. He was good, better than good, but he turned it down because if he had to play in order to stay in school, then that took the fun out of the game for him. Rule moved to Denver with Nash, and Remy left with them. The guys went to work in the shop as soon as they had their diplomas, and Remy screwed around trying to figure out what he wanted to do. Eventually, he got hooked up with a high-end event planning company throwing swanky parties and doing black-tie events. He had found his niche and he never talked about college again. He made good money, loved living in the city, had a great relationship with his brothers and his family. He got involved in a relationship with someone who made him smile and act like a giddy kid. I had just moved here for freshman year when he died. It sucked and it totally wasn’t fair; everything was right where he wanted it, and he was taken away from it all because of a stupid accident.”
“That’s just tragic.” I could hear the emotion in her voice.
“It is,” I agreed because that was all I could do. By the time we got to the salon, we were both beyond ready for a little pick-me-up and I decided that a hot-stone massage was definitely in order.
We got pampered and all loosened up. Maybe too loose, because when it came time to touch up my hair, I had him take the chunk in my bangs and make it almost black instead of the subtle light brown it had been. He did the same to the underside of my long hair so that I had almost a checkerboard effect. It was edgy and dramatic; there was no way to miss it, and the black made the green of my eyes iridescent. I really liked it and so did everyone else. As soon as we got out of the salon, a group of girls around our age stopped to ask where I had it done.
Ayden and I went to get lunch and decided to grab a cocktail at a bar close to the apartment. I glanced at my phone and noticed Rule had texted to ask how I was doing. I frowned and shot back that everything was fine. I waited for him to demand to know where I had been all day, to ask what I was up to, but instead he said that was good and wanted to know what time to come over tonight. My stomach knotted and I felt something awful rise up in the back of my throat. He was only being thoughtful, but I hated it and I wanted it to stop. I texted:
I think I have a migraine coming on. Ayden isn’t working tonight so I think we’ll just have a girls’ night at home with a stupid movie and some popcorn so you can go out with your friends or whatever.
I wanted him to tell me that was stupid. That of course he would come over, but I got back:
All right. Let me know if you need anything for your head. Keep your door locked. I still don’t trust Davenport.
I wanted my Rule back. I wanted him to get mad at me. I wanted him to throw all that attitude he normally toted around at me, but I got none of it. All I got was quiet acquiescence and easy agreeability, things that my Rule knew nothing about. Angry and not sure why or what to do about it, I tossed the phone into my purse and ordered us another round of drinks.
“What’s wrong now?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Shaw. I’ve been with you all day; tell me what’s really going on. The boobs, the hair, the freezing visit to the grave—something is behind it all. You make me talk when I don’t want to, so spill it.”
I sighed dejectedly and twirled the straw around in my drink. “I told Rule not to come over tonight because I was getting a migraine.”
“Which I assume is not true.”
“No, and I don’t really want him to stay away. I just want him to do what he normally does and throw a fit, to act temperamental and bossy, to tell me he’s coming over whether I like it or not. Instead, he just says okay like it’s no big deal, and I don’t know what to do with it. It’s not like he can’t be sweet and nice when he wants to, but that’s just not his default. He’s complicated and argumentative, but lately all he wants to do is smile and nod like I can do no wrong. It just isn’t like him, and it weirds me out.”
“Maybe try being stoked that your boyfriend sounds awesome?”
I tried to smile because I knew she was just kidding, but I didn’t have the heart for it. “It’s not just when we talk or I ask him to do things, it’s in bed, too. Normally, it’s all out-of-control passion and mind-numbing orgasm after orgasm, but lately it’s been a lot more like ‘May I do this?’ and ‘Is it okay if I do that?’ and ‘How does this make you feel?’ He’s never been the type to ask for permission, he takes what he wants and by the end makes sure you want it twice as bad. It’s starting to freak me out because I don’t know how to talk to him about it without sounding like a paranoid lunatic.”
“Well, you have to talk to him about it. You can’t just keep expecting him to act one way while he’s doing something entirely different or you’re both going to be disappointed.”
I knew she was right but that didn’t mean I had the first clue how to go about it. “Whatever happened between him and Gabe after my car got trashed is what started it. He left the apartment one way and came back as a stranger.”
“I know a couple people who were walking to class when it happened. They said it looked like Rule was going to tear Gabe apart, but then he let him go and a security guard broke it up. I don’t know what could have triggered such a strange reaction in him.”
“I don’t, either, but I hate it and it’s just one more reason to curse Gabe and how he has managed to interfere in my life.”
I was feeling pretty down so we had a few more cocktails than we’d planned. Ayden decided that since we were already bombed, we should make good on the girls’ night. We ordered wings to go from the bar and hiked home since we were only four blocks away. We stumbled in and crashed on the couch. We watched three sappy, romantic comedies back to back, polished off the wings with a bottle of wine, indulged in ice cream and popcorn, and laughed hysterically at things that were not remotely funny. It wasn’t until I finally crawled into bed hours later that I realized that I hadn’t called Rule or even sent a message to let him know what I was doing all night long. I think my heart cracked a little when I looked at the screen of my phone and it reflected back no missed calls or new messages. He hadn’t even bothered with a “good night” or “miss you.”
I tossed the phone somewhere on the floor, careful this time not to hurl it at the wall, and crawled under the covers. I assumed that since I was pretty plastered, sleep would suck me under in no time, but I was wrong. I tossed and turned for more than two hours until I finally gave up and realized I wasn’t going to sleep unless I changed something. I had spent the last month cozied up next to Rule’s solid bulk, and sleeping in an empty bed when I was feeling shitty just didn’t hold the same appeal. I shoved the covers aside and rummaged through one of the dresser drawers that Rule had started stashing some of his things in when he stayed over. I found his favorite Defiance Ohio T-shirt and stripped down and put it on. It was worn and soft and it reminded me of him, so when I crawled back into bed I finally fell into a fitful rest, knowing that I had to get a handle on things before I went crazy or turned into a sleepless lush.
CHAPTER 15
Rule
“Hey, you got a minute?”
I