Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Chapter Nine: Innocent Remarks

       Chapter Ten: Change of Heart

       Chapter Eleven: Anniversary

       Chapter Twelve: ‘Good Enough’ Parenting

       Chapter Thirteen: A Sense of Occasion

       Chapter Fourteen: Unethical

       Chapter Fifteen: Optimistic

       Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

       About the Publisher

Chapter Nine

       Innocent Remarks

      One of the issues a parent or carer may encounter when looking after a child or adult with a learning disability is with communication and language difficulties: understanding their wishes and needs. Faye had adequate language skills to see her through everyday situations, but she wouldn’t necessarily be able to define, identify or verbalize complex emotions, as the average adult would. In children I’d seen this come out in angry, frustrated outbursts, but in Faye’s case it appeared she’d been internalizing her feelings to protect her grandparents. Although Becky hadn’t said an awful lot, it was enough to persuade Faye that it was all right for her to start talking to me about being pregnant and the baby. After Becky left, Faye continued doing the jigsaw puzzle and then asked if she could help me cook dinner tonight. I said of course she could and that I was planning on making a casserole, which I needed to prepare now, as it required a long, slow cook.

      In the kitchen Faye helped me to collect together the ingredients we needed from the fridge and cupboards, and to wash them. I then gave her a knife and, following my example, she stood beside me at the worktop, peeling, chopping and slicing the ingredients and placing them into the casserole dish. Snuggles sat propped up at the end of the counter, watching us.

      ‘Have you ever had a baby in your tummy?’ Faye suddenly asked as we worked, which took me by surprise.

      ‘Yes. Twice. First with Adrian and then Paula. It seems incredible now that they were that small once,’ I added reflectively.

      ‘What about Lucy?’ Faye asked.

      ‘She wasn’t in my tummy. She was in another woman’s tummy, her birth mother’s. She is my adopted daughter.’ I glanced at Faye. ‘Like your baby is going to be adopted, but you will always be her birth mother.’

      ‘Becky said she is going to find a really nice mummy and daddy for my baby,’ Faye said.

      ‘Yes, I’m sure she will.’ I didn’t know what stage the process of identifying adoptive parents for Faye’s baby had reached, but I guessed the search for a suitable match had already begun, and it wouldn’t take long. There are thousands of childless couples wanting to adopt a baby, although the baby would be placed with a foster carer to begin with until the legal process was complete. It hadn’t really been appropriate to ask Becky how soon after the birth the baby would be taken from Faye as I’d intended to, but Faye now said, ‘Becky told me I could have a photograph of me holding my baby, if I wanted to. I’ve told her no. Gran and Grandpa said it would be too upsetting.’

      ‘I can understand that,’ I said. ‘Some find it helpful.’

      ‘Gran says that once I’ve had the baby and go home we need to try to forget it, and carry on with our lives.’

      I nodded noncommittally but thought that might be easier said than done.

      ‘Does Lucy’s birth mother have a photograph of her?’ Faye asked, placing another slice of carrot into the casserole dish.

      ‘Yes. She still sees her sometimes.’ I stopped, wondering if this was the wisest conversation to be having and if it might confuse Faye. ‘It was different with Lucy,’ I said. ‘She was much older when she came to me – eleven, not a baby.’

      ‘Why?’ Faye asked.

      ‘Lucy had a very unsettled and unhappy childhood. She had to live in a number of different homes before she came to me. That won’t happen to your baby. It will have a lovely