The Art of Taking It Easy. Brian King
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had no idea, and there is no way anyone can know, how incredibly gratifying it is to reproduce. Every time I look into my daughter’s eyes, my heart melts. Other than crying, everything she does fills me with joy. Just now, she led me to get up, put my shoes on, and head out the door. Leading Sarah and me by the hand is a relatively new behavior for Alyssa. And at the park she tried out some new toys, played with a group of children a bit older than her, and made a new friend. After eating a few bites of her sandwich for lunch, she fell asleep in my arms, so I am now typing this around her. I love watching her learn, grow, and develop. Oh, and when she does cry, I want to do everything in my power to make things better. And because I know that someday she may read this, in case I say differently in the future, every diaper I have ever changed has been an absolute honor (remember that if you ever have to change mine, kid). I never anticipated how much my life would change. Before having a child, I would have never considered sharing a lollipop with another human being.
Sarah and I know plenty of parents who are constantly under stress. We hear from parents of older children all the time about how difficult this period was for them. You know what? Other than a few infrequent situations it has never been that bad for us, and overall it has been spectacular. Parenthood is like any other life event in that how you deal with it influences how it affects you. Before Alyssa, we were both generally positive, resilient people, so it seems reasonable that we would carry those characteristics into this stage of our lives. One thing is certain, I doubt future audience members will suggest that the reason I am so happy and stress-free is my lack of children.
If you read The Laughing Cure (and if you haven’t, might I suggest adding it to your reading list after this? All proceeds go to keeping a darling baby girl alive), you may remember that one of the benefits of laughter and having a sense of humor is that it helps make us happy. To use a quote often attributed to William James, the father of American psychology, “We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we’re happy because we laugh.” Happiness is a great emotion, and really preferable to the alternative, but for many people it is a difficult thing to experience because of stress. If we could just get a handle on stress, we would have greater potential to achieve happiness. Thankfully, laughter and humor also help to reduce stress, which in turn helps makes us happy.9 As a comedian, and someone who appreciates a good laugh, this is my favorite benefit to mention in my seminars.
For this book, I decided I would focus more heavily on stress management and resilience. I love inspiring happiness in people, and it is important, but good stress management has so many more benefits to our lives than simply making us happy. Stress, as a contributor to so much mental and physical pain, is something that we absolutely need to address.10 If we could just get people to deal more effectively with stress, we could reduce or even eliminate a great deal of pain and suffering. I do not consider this a self-help book, but rather just some practical advice in dealing with stress presented in a hopefully entertaining way. In this book, I will discuss stress in a bit of detail so that you can understand why it impacts our lives so much. I will also be addressing many of the common questions I receive as a public speaker and expanding on the information about stress management I presented in the previous book. As I mentioned earlier, this or any other book is no substitute for professional therapy, so please keep that in mind and seek additional help if you are truly hurting. Stress is a factor in many mental illnesses and disorders,11 such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), substance use disorder, and of course post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and if you are struggling with these or other issues please seek out a therapist. However, reading these pages can potentially help increase your stress-management toolset, and we can all use a little help once in a while. Even those of us who are already happy can benefit, because who can’t be happier? It’s not like you can max out on happiness.
Keep in Mind
This book is NOT a substitute for therapy in any way.
This book is ONLY intended for entertainment, information, and advice.
I wrote this book with the general audience in mind, with references for those who would like to seek more information. Even if you are unfamiliar with my style, if you’ve read this far it should be obvious that this is not an academic or professionally oriented book. I cite a few references but this is far from a proper review of the scientific literature. I provide them as a jumping off point for the curious reader and because I was trained to write for science and old habits die hard. And just in case I get on the Oprah Winfrey Show somehow12 (maybe she’ll return, let’s cross our fingers and check under our chairs), keep in mind that some of my stories are exaggerated for effect, but the information I present is true to the best of my knowledge. I may have a fancy degree in psychology, but I am also a comedian. And remember, if you are stressing out about being happy, you are doing it wrong!
1 If you don’t get this reference, perhaps you were skipping school in February?
2 Peer Assistance and Leadership is a great idea, and an awesome experience. See http://palusa.org for more information.
3 Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting forty million adults age eighteen and older, 18 percent of the population. (Source: National Institute of Mental Health, http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/any-anxiety-disorder-among -adults.shtml.)
4 Angelman syndrome.
5 For a great summary on modern happiness research and theory, see Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want (New York, NY: Penguin, 2008).
6 Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially (New York, NY: Broadway Books, 2002).
7 Married people, anyway. According to Luis Angeles, “Children and Life Satisfaction,” Journal of Happiness Studies 11, no. 4 (2010): 523–538.
8 R. W. Robak and P. W. Griffin, “Purpose in life: What is its relationship to happiness, depression, and grieving?” North American Journal of Psychology 2, no. 1 (2000): 113–19.
9 I covered this a bit in The Laughing Cure, but here are some articles for reference:Mary Payne Bennett and Cecile Lengacher, “Humor and Laughter May Influence Health: II. Complementary Therapies and Humor in a Clinical Population,” Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine 3, no. 2 (June 2006): 187–190.Lee S. Berk, Stanley A. Tan, and Dottie Berk, “Cortisol and Catecholamine Stress Hormone Decrease is Associated with the Behavior of Perceptual Anticipation of Mirthful Laughter,” The FASEB Journal 22, no.1, supplement (March 2008): 946.11–946.11.
10 Including, but not limited to: anxiety, chronic pain, depression, diabetes, fibromyalgia, hypertension, immune disorders, obesity, osteoporosis, and so many more!
11 Actually, with few exceptions, stress is a factor in almost every disorder in the book. That book being: American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) (Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association Publishing, 2013).
12 I am referring to the controversy around author James Frey and his book A Million Little Pieces. If you don’t get the reference, don’t worry, Sarah didn’t get it either.