CHAPTER 1

      Just Five More Minutes

      Today was one of the greatest days of my life!

      It was school vacation!

      Although, when my mom woke me up, I had completely forgotten that it was.

      Like every morning, my mom entered my bedroom and yelled, “Jake, it's time to get up!”

      “Ugh,” I mumbled, pulling the covers over my head. “Mom, please just five more minutes.”

      I waited for my mom to say, “Jake, you have one minute to get out of bed and brush your teeth for school.”

      But this morning, she never said those words.

      Instead, she said, “I thought you would have been the first one up, today.”

      First one up? I thought.

      I sat up quickly.

      I couldn't believe I had forgotten.

      It was school vacation! And we were heading to Myrtle Beach, which was my favorite place to vacation.

      You could find the coolest stuff there.

      Last year, I found a lobster claw.

      My mom wouldn't let me take it home because the lobster claw was broken and cracked. She said it was unsafe to play with, or even to keep as a souvenir.

      My mom thought everything was unsafe.

      Once we were in Kentucky at my grandfather's farm and I found a cow bone.

      My grandfather said I could keep it.

      I was so excited!

      When I showed it to my mom and told her Daddy J (that's what we call my grandfather) said I could keep it, her eyes got really big and I could hear this grinding sound coming from inside her mouth.

      I could tell she wasn't happy.

      Within seconds, she began searching the Internet.

      My mom searched for things like “does a cow bone have diseases” and “can someone die from keeping a cow bone” and “what are the dangers of a kid touching a cow bone.”

      Before I could take it home, I had to promise up and down that I would not play with it.

      I promised.

      All I wanted to do was show it to my friends. They'd think it was cool and that I had cool stuff.

      When we got home, my mom said, “Jake, before I let you have this bone, it needs to be sanitized.”

      “Uh—okay,” I responded, unsure what she was going to do next.

      Well…first she boiled the cow bone in water for over three hours. Then she sprayed it with stuff she sprays our wounds with. And finally she boiled it again. But this time she boiled it in rubbing alcohol. When she was done, the bone smelled awful and was yellow and brown.

      I was so bummed!

      I showed it to a couple of my friends.

      But the smell was so bad we had to block our nose if we got within ten feet of it. So my friends and I just stood and stared at it.

      After about five minutes, I blurted out, “This bone isn't a cow bone. It's a thingamajig that alien's use to spray a poisonous gas right into your eyes and then transform you into one of them—a green, warty alien creature.”

      My friends screamed and ran as fast as they could behind some bushes.