How to Survive Change . . . You Didn't Ask for. M. J. Ryan

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How to Survive Change . . . You Didn't Ask for - M. J. Ryan


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      “If you're struggling and think that one more book can't possibly make a difference, think again. M.J. Ryan has the rare gift of breaking things down into clear pieces that can be tackled.”

      —Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction

      “You are always more resilient than you think. In her motivational and optimistic book, M.J. Ryan shows you how to face the unexpected and use what you've learned to be happier in life, in love, and at work.”

      —Nell Merlino, leader of Make Mine a Million $ Business and author of Stepping Out of Line

      “The change you didn't ask for has a way of smacking you between the eyes. M.J. Ryan's book teaches us how we can get through the pain more quickly and extract greater meaning from the nonnegotiable events of life.”

      —Ellyn Spragins, author of What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self

      “How to Survive Change...You Didn't Ask For is not only M.J. Ryan's best book, but the most accessible and practical book yet on the subject of change to date. It contains a compendium of best practices from cross-sector disciplines and research regarding transition and change in our lives. Nowhere will you find a more inspirational, realistic, comforting and accessible book that reduces fear and reopens possibility, curiosity, and creative solutions unimagined during the most challenging of times!”

      —Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., cultural anthropologist and author of The Second Half of Life and Living in Gratitude

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      First published in 2014 by Conari Press, an imprint of

      Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

      With offices at:

      665 Third Street, Suite 400

      San Francisco, CA 94107

       www.redwheelweiser.com

      Copyright © 2009, 2014 by M.J. Ryan

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages. This is a paperback edition of AdaptAbility, first published in hardcover in 2009, ISBN: 978-0-7679-3262-2.

      ISBN: 978-1-57324-600-2

      The author and publisher gratefully acknowledge and credit the following for the right to reprint material in this book:

      Stephen Levine for excerpt from Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings, © 1991 by Stephen Levine. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request.

      Cover design by Jim Warner

      Cover image © Westend61 / SuperStock

      Interior by Frame25 Productions

      Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro and Gotham

      Printed in the United States of America.

      EBM

      10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

       www.redwheelweiser.com

       www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

      Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.

      —Dorothy Allison

      Contents

       I. Welcome to “Permanent White Water”

       II. Seven Truths about Change

       CHANGE TRUTH #1: Change Is the One Thing You Can Count On

       CHANGE TRUTH #2: It's Not Personal

       CHANGE TRUTH #3: Your Thinking Is Not Always Your Friend

       CHANGE TRUTH #4: Change Isn't the Enemy, Fear Is

       CHANGE TRUTH #5: There's a Predictable Emotional Cycle to Change

       CHANGE TRUTH #6: You're More Resilient Than You May Think

       CHANGE TRUTH #7: Your Future Is Built on Bedrock That Is Unchanging

       III. The Actions of a Change Master

       STEP 1: ACCEPT THE CHANGE

       Gather the Facts Like a Newspaper Reporter

       What Other Information Do You Need?

       The Truth Will Set You Free (Or at Least into Motion)

       If You Can See It, It's Yours to Deal With

       How Could This Be Good Luck?

       “Worry Well”

       What Core Issue Does This Trigger?

       Relate to Your Fear

       Send Out an SOS

       Recognize If You're Milling

       It's Good to Bitch and Moan but Not Forever

       Get the 3Cs in Place

       Choose Carefully Where You Put Your Attention

       Avoid Shame by Remembering That Difficulties Can Happen to Anyone

       Don't Waste Precious Time or Energy on Blame

       Regret Well

       Experience the Comfort of Forgiveness

       Do


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