CONARI PRESS

       Berkeley, California

      Copyright ©1995 by Will Glennon

      Foreword copyright ©2002 by Joe Kelly

      All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews. For information, contact: Conari Press, 2550 Ninth Street, Suite 101, Berkeley, CA 94710-2551.

      Conari Press books are distributed by Publishers Group West.

      ISBN: 1-57324-814-2

      Cover design: Laura Shaw

      Cover photo: Bill Carter

      This has been previously catalogued by the

      Library of Congress under this title:

      Glennon, Will, 1949—

      Fathering: strengthening connection with your children

      no matter where you are / Will Glennon.

      p. cm.

      ISBN 1-57324-002-8 (trade paper)

      1. Fatherhood—Psychological aspects.

      2. Father and child. 3. Parenting.

      HQ756.G55 1995

      306.874'2—dc20

      95-3726

      Printed in the United States of America.

      02 03 04 05 06 Malloy 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

       To my father William Glennon

       for teaching me the power

       and potential of father

       To Mary Jane Ryan

       for honoring a father's

       choice to parent

       And to Damian and Rachelle

       for making it all

       so wonderfully rewarding.

      Contents

       FOREWORD, Joe Kelly

       INTRODUCTION

       1 THE CRISIS IN FATHERING

       A recent study found that only 20% of the fathers surveyed felt that they had a close emotional relationship with either their father or their sons.

       2 CAUGHT IN THE CURRENTS OF CHANGE

       What we must face is that the absent father—either physically or emotionally—is a tragic consequence of the times we live in. But we can choose to begin to change that.

       3 OUTSIDE FROM THE BEGINNING

       For most of us the transition to fatherhood is like being dunked into a bath of ice water, something for which we have had no preparation.

       4 THE HEART OF FATHERING

       Ultimately our tasks as fathers is to become conversant and comfortable enough with our own emotions that we can receive and nurture the feelings of our children.

       5 ACCEPTING THE POWERFUL RESPONSIBILITY OF FATHERING

       We all know from intimate experience that our fathers had an almost unbelievably powerful influence on our lives, yet it seems so difficult for us to remember that this is exactly the same power we wield over our own children.

       6 THE THRILL OF KNOWING YOUR CHILDREN DEEPLY

       The very fact that our children are different from us is one of the great gifts of fathering. Often what they need is for us to let them know that even though we are different, their interests, dreams, trials, and heartbreaks are important to us.

       7 FATHERING WITH RESPECT & HONESTY

       Loving our children is undeniably our essential starting point, but we can't just sit back comfortably knowing how much we love them and expect everything to turn out all right. We must show our love in vibrant and bold colors.

       8 THE PARADOX OF CHALLENGE & ACCEPTANCE

       It is our job to encourage our children to take risks, to expand their world, to expose themselves to new experiences, and yet at the same time, it is our sacred duty to support them simply for who they are.

       9 FATHERING ACROSS DISTANCE

       Whether we live in separate cities, are off on submarines for months at a time, or simply work too much, there is a very simple truth we need to incorporate in our fathering—distance is not measured in miles or minutes, but in our children's hearts.

       10 BEING THERE FOR THE LONG HAUL

       In the moment we decided to become fathers, invisible threads of connection expanded outward, welcoming us into a vast community that stretches across time and beyond our comprehension. Part of our job as fathers is to become the human bridge across that expanse for our children.

       RECOMMENDED FURTHER READING

       ABOUT THE AUTHOR