Back From the Dead. Harvey L. Bailey
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and walked over to the circle, he sat down in the one empty chair. The man sitting three chairs to the left of Shane spoke up. “Hi I’m Glenn and you are.” “ I’m Donovan, Shane. Shane Donovan.
I’m new here, I was referred by a friend sort of, my partner, a former partner I was a cop, she was my woman, not my woman, a woman, my partner. She was my last partner on the force before I retired. I’m just a little nervous. I don’t know why, I’ve talked to the department shrink many times. No offense,” he said looking at Glenn. Glenn smiled and said “Shane who referred you.”
Shane said “Adelaide Cooper.” Glenn said “what brings you here.” “ I lost my partner, not Adelaide.” Shane felt uncomfortable. He could feel everyone looking at him. “I had a partner on the force before Adelaide, His name was Duane he was killed on an undercover assignment we were on. I barely got away with my life.” Glenn said “Can you tell us what happened?” Shane explained that night on the docks. Glenn asked how he felt about that night and what happened.
Shane said he felt angry, he was constantly being lied to and that made him very angry. He was furious that no one would talk to him about what happened, he felt like they were treating him like a kid, kicking him off the case for his own good. Glenn asked what he has done to deal with the pain? Shane said nothing. He did not want to tell them he took up drinking as a hobby but he figured they probably smell the alcohol on him. The last thing Glenn asked Shane was what do he intends to do about his anger. He said “everyone must take responsibility for their own lives.
If you are angry then do something about it unless you prefer being angry.” Shane did not respond but he thought about what Glenn said. When the meeting was over Glenn asked Shane if he would stay behind. “Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. It lets us know something is wrong, usually in us. We need to take some kind of action to restore balance within. Fear can be helpful too, it is the fight or flight mechanism that warns us of potential threats. I want you to think about why you are angry and since anger is a by product of fear. Think about what it is you fear and why it’s causing you to be angry. Write it down on paper as a matter of fact I think you should keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.” He wrote something on a piece of paper then handed it to Shane. Shane looked at the paper, “Are these the questions you would like me to answer” he said. “Yes,” Glenn said “I also want you to try meditation.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” Shane said. “Sit down, and I’ll show you.” They both sat down and Glenn talked Shane through his first meditation experience. Shane left the meeting still thinking about what Glenn said and the questions he wanted him to answer. That evening Shane tried to meditate but he could not clear his mind. He decided he would answer the questions.
Are you intimidated by angry people?
Do you feel guilty when you get angry?
Do you get a Rush from expressing your anger?
Are you afraid you might hurt someone if you get angry?
Have you ever hurt someone because you were angry? Who and how?
Do you think of violent ways to get revenge?
Are you a confrontational person and often have conflicts with other people or even yourself?
Do you feel loved, protected and safe?
Do you think it’s wrong to get angry?
Are you uncomfortable in situations that you are not in control of?
“I can’t answer this crap,” He said as he put the paper down and went to bed.
It was morning and Shane was fixing breakfast while talking to his mother. She told him to make peace with himself, to get in touch with himself, deal with his anger, face his fears and stop repressing his feelings. He listened but did not say much as his mother continued to tell him what he should do he sat down to eat his breakfast, then he said. “Mom, I’m seeing a psychiatrist. It’s group sessions but still I think it will help.”
“Good for you honey, Maybe therapy will help you open up and let people in. You need peace and love in your life” she said. I’ll get it when I find my friend’s killer Shane thought to himself.
He just smiled at her and ate his food.
Around midday Shane went to see Michael T. Bluford a.k.a. Mickey Blue, He was Duane’s first partner and life long friend. He was probably the only person who loved Duane as much as Shane. “I need your help. I need some information. The FBI and the Department both refuse to talk to me about Duane’s murder,” Shane said. “Weren’t you there,” Mickey asked? “Yes,” Shane replied “but I need some answers.” “Uh huh, so what do you want from me,” Mickey asked. “I need a starting point. We, Duane and I were undercover we had to makes several contacts before we got in close with Frankie G. He put this whole deal with the arms dealer together for us more Duane than me. I had to stay low key. I’ve had dealings with Frankie before and couldn’t risk him burning me.” Shane said. “That’s your starting point, talk to Frankie G” Mickey said. “Where can I find him” Shane said in a low deep voice. For the first time in this conversation Mickey looked directly at Shane deep into his eyes and said “You can find him on the docks at Pier 5. He has an office there, just look for the ship with Gianni on it his office is in one of those warehouse buildings close to where the ship is docked.” Shane got a call on his cell phone it came up as unavailable. He didn’t normally answer these calls but this time he did. “Hi Shane it’s Adelaide Cooper how are you” the voice on the other end said. “I’m well Adelaide,” Shane said in a deep voice. “Good She said are you free for lunch tomorrow.”
“I’m available, what’s on you mind” Shane said. “ I just want to talk is that ok,” she said. “Yes,” Shane said. “Great where should we meet,” Adelaide said. “How about the Hollywood diner downtown under the bridge,” Shane replied. “Sounds great” Adelaide said “I will see you around noon.” “Uh huh,” He replied. Shane nodded to Mickey as he walked out the door.
That night Shane sat in the dark with his eyes closed not really thinking about anything, when he heard his mother say you need a wife. A good woman would change your life. He did not open his eyes but he responded “maybe mom but I’m not sure if I’m even ready for a girlfriend, not right now.” His mother said “it’s been thirteen years since Carmen’s death it’s time you move on.”
“I can’t” Shane said. “I’m not ready.” Shane’s mother said “when was the last time you spoke to Leticia.”
“Not since the funeral.” He replied, “I haven’t been able to bring myself to call her, it just seems wrong.” “Why because you like her or because she’s Carmen’s sister. You dated her before you dated Carmen,” his mother said. Shane did not respond. “Maybe your right son, you’re not ready for a relationship yet, You need to have a relationship with yourself first. I’m so sorry I was not there to teach you how to love yourself, but I’m here now.” She smiled at Shane and kissed him on the forehead then she left.
It was early morning when Shane received a call from Mickey he said he’s got some information and he needs to see Shane. Shane traveled across town to see Mickey when he got there, Mickey was pacing the floor looking worried. “I need to tell you something but I need you to make me a promise first,” Mickey said. Shane nodded. Mickey said “I found out who is responsible for killing Duane.”
“Who,” Shane asked. Mickey said “one of my former CI’s told me Frankie G paid for the hit, it was on you and Duane. He hired a local street gang to do the job. They go by GS. I’m not sure if Frankie ordered the hit but he’s involved up to his little Guido eyes.” Shane looked at Mickey. Mickey didn’t say a word he was not sure if he offended Shane with the Guido remark. “Promise me you’ll kill them all, Frankie G and all of his friends.” Shane nodded and left Mickey’s office. He had a lunch appointment with Adelaide downtown. He took his time driving downtown. He was thinking about what Mickey said about GS and the hit on him and Duane. He could not help but wonder if the contract