The Mammary Plays is copyright © 1998 by Paula Vogel

      How I Learned to Drive is copyright © 1997, 1998 by Paula Vogel

      The Mineola Twins is copyright © 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998 by Paula Vogel

      The Mammary Plays is published by Theatre Communications Group, Inc.,

      355 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10017–0217.

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      Vogel, Paula.

      [Mineola twins]

      The mammary plays : two plays / Paula Vogel.

      Contents: The Mineola twins — How I learned to drive.

      eISBN 978-1-55936-715-8

      I. Vogel, Paula. How I learned to drive. II. Title.

      PS3572.O294M56 1998

      812’.54—dc21 97–40169

      CIP

      Cover design by Chip Kidd

      Text design and composition by Lisa Govan

      First Edition, March 1998

       For Phyllis

      CONTENTS

How I Learned to Drive

       The Mineola Twins

HOW I LEARNED TO DRIVE

       This play is dedicated to Peter Franklin.

      This play was made possible by generous support from The National Theatre Artist Residency Program administered by Theatre Communications Group and funded by The Pew Charitable Trusts and the John Simon Guggenheim Foundation. It was written and developed at the Perseverance Theatre, Douglas, Alaska; Molly D. Smith, Artistic Director.

       PRODUCTION HISTORY

      How I Learned to Drive was produced in February 1997 by Vineyard Theatre, New York City (Douglas Aibel, Artistic Director; Jon Nakagawa, Managing Director). The set design was by Narelle Sissons, costume design by Jess Goldstein, lighting design by Mark McCullough and original sound design was by David Van Tieghem. Mark Brokaw directed the following cast:

      In April 1997, the Vineyard Theatre production, in association with Daryl Roth and Roy Gabay, moved to the Century Theatre, in New York City. Male Greek Chorus was played by Christopher Duva.

       CHARACTERS

      Li’l Bit A woman who ages forty-something to eleven years old. (See Notes on the New York Production.)

      Peck Attractive man in his forties. Despite a few problems, he should be played by an actor one might cast in the role of Atticus in To Kill a Mockingbird.

      The Greek Chorus If possible, these three members should be able to sing three-part harmony.

       Male Greek Chorus Plays Grandfather, Waiter, High School Boys. Thirties–forties. (See Notes on the New York Production.)

       Female Greek Chorus Plays Mother, Aunt Mary, High School Girls. Thirty–fifty. (See Notes on the New York Production.)

       Teenage Greek Chorus Plays Grandmother, high school girls and the voice of eleven-year-old Li’l Bit. Note on the casting of this actor: I would strongly recommend casting a young woman who is “of legal age,” that is, twenty-one to twenty-five years old who can look as close to eleven as possible. The contrast with the other cast members will help. If the actor is too young, the audience may feel uncomfortable. (See Notes on the New York Production.)

       PRODUCTION NOTES

      I urge directors to use the Greek Chorus in staging as environment and, well, part of the family—with the exception of the Teenage Greek Chorus member who, after the last time she appears onstage, should perhaps disappear.

      As For Music: Please have fun. I wrote sections of the play listening to music like Roy Orbison’s “Dream Baby” and The Mamas and the Papa’s “Dedicated to the One I Love.” The vaudeville sections go well to the Tijuana Brass or any music that sounds like a Laugh-In soundtrack. Other sixties music is rife with pedophilish (?) reference: the “You’re Sixteen” genre hits; The Beach Boys’ “Little Surfer Girl”; Gary Puckett and the Union Gap’s “This Girl Is a Woman Now”; “Come Back When You Grow Up,” etc.

      And whenever possible, please feel free to punctuate the action with traffic signs: “No Passing,” “Slow Children,” “Dangerous Curves,” “One Way,” and the visual signs for children, deer crossings, hills, school buses, etc. (See Notes on the New York Production.)

      This script uses the notion of slides and projections, which were not used in the New York production of the play.

      On Titles: Throughout the script there are bold-faced titles. In production these should be spoken in a neutral voice (the type of voice that driver education films employ). In the New York production these titles were assigned to various members of the Greek Chorus and were done live.

NOTES ON THE NEW YORK PRODUCTION

      The role of Li’l Bit was originally written as a character who