Lost and Found Father. Sheri WhiteFeather
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said. “You went out to the truck with the bears. Then what did you do?”
“I got behind the wheel. Then suddenly my heart started racing and I couldn’t breathe. I was having a panic attack. At the time, I didn’t know that’s what it was called, but I knew it was because of the baby. I returned to the house and sat on the sofa, trying to catch my breath and rebuild my courage to go to the hospital. But I never did.”
“You stayed in your living room the whole time I was in labor?” Victoria asked.
He nodded. “After a while the phone rang, and I figured it was your mom, calling to see where I was. It rang on and off, all day. When the calls started coming closer together, I assumed that you’d had the baby.” He divided his gaze between both of the women in his presence. “The two of you deserved better.”
“It didn’t affect me,” Kaley said. “I don’t remember any of it. But I feel badly for Victoria.” She spoke to her birth mom. “That must have been really sad for you.”
“It was. But it’s done and over now.”
“I can tell it still hurts.” Kaley glanced over at Ryan. “You look like you’re hurting, too.”
“I just wish I could go back and redo it the right way.”
Kaley made a goofy face. “I can act like a baby if it will make you feel better.”
When she stuck her thumb in her mouth, Ryan couldn’t help but smile. “Keep that up and I’ll to have to buy you another teddy bear.”
She removed her thumb with a deliberate pop. “Actually that would be cool. Where’d you buy the first ones?”
“At a discount store on the edge of town.”
“Is it still there?”
“Yes.”
“Can we go there this week?”
“Sure. We can pick out a new bear together.”
“Are you going to get Victoria a new one, too?”
His pulse went jumpy. “If she wants me to.” He asked her, “Do you?”
She shrugged, albeit it gently. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I think you should be included. Then you and Kaley can have the matching toys you were supposed have. We can all go to the store together.”
Their daughter chimed in. “You know what else we should all do together? Go to the maternity ward of the hospital. So I can see the place where I was born and so you guys can make new memories.”
Ryan loved the idea, especially since Kaley suggested it. But Victoria had to agree, too. He noticed she’d gone quiet again.
“What do you think?” he asked her. “If Kaley and I go there, will you come with us?”
The teenager added, “We can look at the babies behind the glass. It’ll be nice to focus on people being born in a hospital instead of dying there.”
Ryan realized that there was more to Kaley’s suggestion than just him and Victoria. Clearly, Kaley’s mom had died in a hospital. He thought about the loss his daughter had suffered and how she was still working on ways to cope with her grief. Among the three of them, emotions ran high.
He studied Victoria, waiting for a response to his question. Kaley was also looking at her.
Waiting, as well.
Chapter Three
Victoria would rather walk headfirst into a hornet’s nest than visit the maternity ward with Ryan by her side. But if it would soothe Kaley’s feelings about life and death, then she wasn’t about to refuse.
She said, “Of course I’ll go with both of you.”
“Can we bring our new bears with us when we get them?” Kaley asked.
Victoria nodded, even though the stuffed animals were part of the problem. Knowing that Ryan had planned to bring her and Kaley such sweet little gifts made her miss the boy she’d once loved. And she didn’t want to miss him. She’d banished him from her heart for a reason.
“Do either of you care if I tell my dad about this?” Kaley asked. “I want him to know what happened between you guys when I was born and how we’re going to try to make it better.”
“Tell him whatever you think is necessary.” Victoria wasn’t going to stand in the way, not if it gave Kaley comfort to talk to her father.
Ryan took the same approach and agreed, as well. But Victoria expected as much. Refusing would have been an injustice to their daughter.
Kaley relaxed. “Oh, good. I don’t like keeping secrets from my dad. Besides, I think he’s going to agree that all of us going to the hospital will be the right thing to do.” The teen softly added, “My mom would have thought so, too.”
The discussion ended on a sentimental note.
Ryan suggested a movie on cable, and he and Kaley checked listings and chose a comedy to lift their spirits. But watching a funny movie didn’t ease Victoria’s mind.
Later that night, she struggled to sleep.
She glanced at the alarm clock and wished that morning would come, because each day that passed would bring her closer to getting through this week and going home.
Finally, daylight arrived and she climbed out of bed. She opened her blinds and gazed at the country view.
After a reflective moment, she headed for the bathroom that she shared with Kaley. Her daughter’s door was still closed. Ryan’s door was at the other end of the hall and she could see that it was shut, as well. Assuming she was the first one up, she got ready.
Upon her bathroom departure, she noticed the other doors remained closed.
Alone in the quiet, she crept downstairs and went into the kitchen. She’d told Ryan that she would be cooking while she was here, but she wasn’t going to prepare anything until he and Kaley were up. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to see what type of breakfast fixings were available.
The egg keeper was full, which didn’t surprise her, considering the chickens in Ryan’s yard. He had fresh milk and fresh cream, too, courtesy of his cow. As she poked around in the fridge, she noticed a package of honey-cured ham and a small block of cheddar cheese. Potatoes and bread were also handy.
Needing a caffeine boost, she made a pot of coffee and sat at the old-style Formica-topped table, which looked a lot like the one Ryan and his dad used to have in their kitchen. Was it the same table? Had Ryan taken possession of it after his dad died?
And what about Ryan’s wife? Had she lived here with him, or did he buy this place after they split? Victoria chastised herself for caring. His ex-wife shouldn’t matter. Yet the other woman, whoever she was, crowded her already-cluttered mind.
The door from the mudroom opened, and Victoria started.
Someone entered the kitchen, and she turned around, preparing to see Ryan. The steps were too heavy to be Kaley’s. Besides, what would Kaley be doing outside at this time of day? Ryan had probably been up for hours, tending to his animals, when Victoria thought he was still asleep.
Sure enough, it was him, dressed in a plain white tee, blue jeans and work boots, with his medium-length hair mussed from the morning breeze.
“The coffee smells good,” he said. “I was just coming in to make a pot.”
She shifted in her seat, feeling far too self-conscious, while he stood there, looking far too gorgeous. “I beat you to it.”
“That you did.” He walked over to pour a cup.
She watched while he added an abundance of cream, but only one spoonful of sugar. She’d doctored hers with lots of