The diary of the Tambov Wolf. Tsvetana Alеkhina
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more concerned about the disappearance of the she-wolf. Why don’t I dream about her anymore? I cannot hear her howling. I would not confuse her howl with anything. It was like a woman crying. Not believing in the existence of wolves in the Tambov forest, and even more mysticism, I was still sure that this wolf was a woman. And of course I wanted to find the key to solving this mystery. I did not know where to start, wanting to do everything right and kind, I listened to the advice of a friend and went to my parents in the village. Largely, this trip was connected with a conversation with my father. I knew that my father would help me find the answer too many of my questions.
November 1st. Sunday frosty morning. Frost-covered grass. Quiet sound of tires, muffled engine. This time, no one met me on the porch, as in the old days. Perhaps it was due to the onset of cold weather, or old age crept up on the mother, and she could no longer stand at the porch on duty. – I have arrived! I heard from the doorway. – We thought you had forgotten about us. I have not actually come to this village since summer time.
– Mom. I got a part-time job.
– Did you abandon the forest? The father asked with bitterness in his voice.
– Of course not. I just started walking a lot less often.
– You do not think about anything but the forest. Mom blurted out.
– And you are talking about work. Father barked. I knew how to defuse a tense situation.
– I am hungry. I said loudly. The altercation is over. The father went outside. The mother ran into the kitchen. A house in the village, away from the hustle and bustle. What could be better? Especially if your parents live in this house, to whom you can always come. A delicious and hearty lunch prepared by the mother’s hands. A heated house before the heat. A simple atmosphere is exactly what takes the soul and warms with its simple and cozy warmth. A house in the village is a kind place where, it would seem, you can die of boredom when you were born and grew up in the village, but at the same time, you do not want to go back to the city, into the vanity of vanities. Every time you come to your parents and go back, during this period, a period is measured that is waning. It is as a whole epoch is measured, before arrival, and after departure. With each visit, I become more mature or even older. Anyway, I have always loved coming here.
In the evening, my father went out to smoke, I went out with him.
– What makes you think?
– I see. I see even more than you think do, it happened in the forest.
– It is just an extra workload at work.
– Wow, I was wrong. I thought you were having trouble in the woods.
– What makes you think that?
– «Work has never meant anything to you. It was more of a hobby than a job.
– So I am growing up.
– In the fortieth year of life. Made me laugh. Rather, you have a personal life.
– It ended a long time ago. Both personal life and work are incompatible. Better tell me about the Tambov wolves.
– What do you mean? Didn’t I tell you about them?
– I told you. Now, Dad, tell me about the wolves themselves. What do you know about them? The word dad hurt the elderly man, and with a sigh, he sat down on a log lying behind the house especially for personal gatherings, lighting a second cigarette. I sat down next to him.
– The wolf is a noble animal in itself. For example, when feeding a family. The concern for the offspring of wolves is pronounced. In addition to the parents, the whole flock is engaged in nursing the cubs. Feeding the kids is the main concern. These animals make every effort to ensure that the young grow up healthy, strong and adapted to the difficult life in the forest. As for the Tambov wolf, the old man paused, puffing on a cigarette, examining the clouds of smoke, he continued. – The Tambov wolf is hospitable if he considers you his friend. If, on the contrary, friendship did not work out, and the Tambov wolf turned out to be your enemy, then in the future this wolf will attack you, this is the essence of the Tambov wolf. But if the Tambov wolf has become your friend, then he will open all the doors for you, and take off his last shirt. Well, as far as I know, now there are no wolves in our Tambov forest, they have been exterminated for a long time. So, what happened to you?
– It is nothing special. A controversial issue at work. That is all.
– You have a strange question.
– Just one friend confused a wolf with a dog, and was very scared.
– It is no wonder. Such inhabitants were in our forest. A study was conducted and it was established that the «Tambov wolf» is an independent unique subspecies obtained by crossing dogs that lived near the settlements of the ancient Tambov Mordvins and wolves. Judging by the fossils, for the first time wolves appeared on the territory corresponding geographically to the Tambov region approximately 4 000 – 5 000 years ago. The oldest wolf skull found in the Tambov region is about 5,500 years old. The remains of this wolf dog aged from 5,000 to 2,500 years are often found in the northern parts of the Tambov region.
– Dad, you said that a wolf is a noble animal. But what is the nobility? My father was finishing his cigarette and looking up at the dark blue starry sky.
– Being a wolf is the ability to find your pack, define your territory, and stay in your body with full understanding of it and with pride, regardless of its perfections and limitations. This is the ability to act and speak on your own behalf, to remain vigilant and attentive, to resort to the innate forces of intuition and sensitivity, to develop with dignity and achieve maximum awareness. Did I answer your question?
– You can, so to speak. The old man’s eyes flashed slyly. Without saying anything, he waited for more questions from me. But I was already far from reality. I was hooked by the words «ancient Tambov Mordvins», and the crossing of wolves and dogs.
– There is something in it.
– In what?
– Yes, nothing. Wolves and dogs, brunettes and blondes! I sang and laughed.
– The only thing I understood from our dialogue is that a woman with a dog is to blame for your strange condition. I do not know which of them is a brunette and which is a blonde, but they scared you well.
– «You’re right. With an idiotic laugh, I said after my departing father.
– The first sleepless night in the parents’ house. I have always slept well on my favorite couch. I considered this sofa my own, because no one else slept on it except me. The moon shone through the curtains, and despite the heat in the house, I felt chills. I wanted to get up and run to the forest, to the place where she, my wolf, was waiting for me. I thought she was an owl. I was sure that no one else had seen her. Maybe it was, but I wanted to make sure of it. I have imagined her image more than once, if it were a girl, she would be cheerful, always laughing with clockwork eyes. Of course, I would like to see this girl in human form. I did not doubt for a second that this wolf was a young girl. I could tell by her beautiful, mischievous walk. I fell asleep with these sweet thoughts.
I slept more than usual. My mother did not wake me up, she still surrounded me with parental care, as if I was not forty years old, but four years old. As soon as I left the room and appeared in the kitchen, she immediately began to set the table. The breakfast was so varied and hearty, it could even be called a gala dinner. – Mom, why such abundance?
– You tell me who she is.
– Who are you talking about?
– About your wolf.
– That is what a broken phone means. There is no wolf.
– Don’t tell me if you do not