The Cosy Christmas Teashop: Cakes, castles and wedding bells – the perfect feel good romance. Caroline Roberts
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meringue-gown creation in full expanse. Two bridesmaids and Bridezilla’s mother had to hold it down like it was some kind of caged animal, to let the hairdresser get to Chelsea and secure the tiara with its short, very sparkly train in place. The bride’s platinum blonde curls had been corkscrewed and then partly pinned-up in a sweeping mid-section on the top of her head. Ellie noted that her make-up was extremely heavy, in a trowelled-on shade of orange – if it rained out there now, they were in big trouble.
‘Have you got your something blue on, Chels?’ one of the bridesmaids asked.
Bridezilla flashed a lacy blue garter in response.
‘Oh, and don’t forget your clutch bag and bouquet.’
‘Got it. Are you all ready, my girls? I need you on the steps to see me off, and then you have to wait there while I do the tour. I hope that unicorn’s ready?’ She flashed Ellie a don’t-you-dare-get-anything-else-wrong-here stare.
Ellie felt her stomach shudder, but held her nerve. ‘Of course. It looks stunning. Just perfect.’
‘Good.’
Ellie and the maid of honour lifted the expanse of skirt to help Bridezilla get out of the room and down the stairs, whilst she was muttering, ‘Should have got this staircase widened, knowing there were going to be brides in their wedding dresses coming down here.’
Oh yes, knock down a thirteenth-century stairwell to accommodate a multi-meringue layered dress. Good idea. Ellie bit her tongue.
There was a clatter of stilettos on stone, it sounded like they were storming the castle, as they trooped carefully down and out across the courtyard. Joe was under strict instructions, keeping a careful eye on the drawing room holding area where the other guests were being plied with champagne, to make sure that neither the groom nor any of the other guests ventured out and caught sight of them. Derek was also acting as sentinel on the doors out to the courtyard.
Anthony, and the white-stallion unicorn (well, it was a gelding but no one was going to say anything!) were waiting patiently at the bottom of the steps. By some miracle Patrick, Lauren and the cart, were positioned in the right place just behind them – after doing two loops round the block to keep the restless pony happy.
‘Oooh.’ Bridezilla seemed quite overwhelmed. Ellie prayed this was in a positive way, but couldn’t be quite sure.
‘So, do I ride this gorgeous creature?’ Bridezilla looked teasingly across at Anthony.
‘If only,’ he replied smoothly. ‘But, my lovely lady, a riding hat would be essential, and that would so spoil your beautiful hairdo. So, your carriage awaits.’
God, he was a charmer. Ellie held back a wry grin.
He gestured to Patrick and his cart. Since Ellie had nipped upstairs, the carriage had had a quick makeover and been gorgeously decorated by Wendy, with floral twists of pink and orange roses, sprigs of delicate white gypsophila and greenery. There was a rainbow-coloured throw in place on the seat, and Patrick himself now sported a pink rose on his head collar, which thankfully he hadn’t seemed to have noticed.
Was this going to be the moment Bridezilla flipped? There seemed to be a universal holding of breath.
‘Oh, how lovely, and isn’t the donkey sweet.’
Thank goodness Patrick didn’t speak human, or he might have flipped – donkey indeed.
Anthony handed the lead rein of the white horse across to Malcolm, whilst he gestured for the bride to take his arm, ushered her to the carriage, and yes actually made a step out of his two hands, fingers locked together, for her to climb up to the seat. Bridezilla had a stunned and rather mesmerized look on her face, as she gazed back down at him. Ellie hoped she wasn’t now regretting her choice of groom.
The official photographer was snapping away in a photo frenzy.
‘And so, let the wonders of the day begin!’ Anthony announced.
The bridesmaids cheered from the castle steps as he took up the lead rein of the unicorn-stallion who began to walk steadily beside him ready for their village tour, Patrick plodding dutifully behind. Perhaps he was in awe of the unicorn too! What a marvellous pair they both made.
And, Ellie spotted, as the carriage set off, Bridezilla was grinning from ear to ear. Ellie nearly jumped up and made a huge air punch, but reined it in. Result! Thank you, Lauren, and thank you, Anthony.
When they returned twenty minutes later, Bridezilla was still smiling and waving regally (she’d obviously mastered the Queen’s technique on the way round). The two equines, Lauren as carriage driver, the rather gorgeous Anthony, and a beaming Malcolm (who was taking all the credit of course) brought her back to a halt outside the castle steps once more. The only problem was when Patrick lifted his tail, farted and did a superb pile of pony poo right in Bridezilla’s eyeline, just as she was about to dismount. Her face dropped for a nanosecond, but Anthony saved the day, reaching his hand out at just the right moment to help her down and take her mind right off what had just happened. Lauren was giggling, and Malcolm was cursing Patrick between gritted teeth for taking the shine off the whole event at the last moment.
Anthony gave the bride a very gentlemanly kiss on the back of her hand, and passed her back to the gaggle of bridesmaids, who Ellie was certain were swooning on the steps. She gave him a grin and a thumbs up as she mouthed, ‘Thank you, so much.’ Then she was ready to take over for round two; the safe delivery of Bridezilla to the chapel and her groom.
The bride’s father was here on the steps now too, which had initiated a quick exit from Bridezilla’s mother. Apparently, the maid of honour filled Ellie in briefly, there had been a very bitter divorce some years back. Ellie might need to have a quiet word about the seating plan for top table then, and a quick rearrangement, or that might prove interesting. Why on earth hadn’t they thought to tell her beforehand?
Right, all she had to do was get the bride, her father, and her bridesmaids in the right line-up and to the chapel. She checked her watch, 11:27 a.m., perfect. They had a couple of minutes’ walk across the courtyard and up the steps into the main castle building. Then a further short walk along the corridor to the chapel, and that was it.
She’d give the bridal entourage a minute or two to gather themselves for now, and be a fashionable few minutes late … without panicking the groom. Mind you, if he had any sense at all, he’d have run a mile by now.
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