She’s Not There. Tamsin Grey
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Her clogs were still there, and the umbrella, and the petrol can, and the bag with the swimming things. The stepladder was lying flat, taking up a lot of room. Jonah picked it up and rested it against the wall. Without saying anything, they wandered together from room to room, ending up in Lucy’s bedroom, where the air was still thick with the smell of her body. Raff climbed into her bed and lay down.
‘Why are they having roast chicken?’
‘Because of Dora’s cancer.’
‘She’s had that for ages.’
‘She got better from it. But Em said now she’s really ill and might die.’ Jonah surveyed the room. A big tear in the paper lampshade showed the curly light bulb inside it. The wardrobe door hung open, clothes spilling out, and two of the drawers were sticking out of the high chest of drawers. Lucy’s red silk dressing gown, with the dragon on its back, was hanging on one bedpost, and on the other was that smelly grey cardigan she’d borrowed the day they took Dylan to the Martins’. Her flowery top and denim shorts from yesterday were on the floor beside the bed, and her lacy pink pants were still inside the shorts. There was a dark stain on the cotton bit where her fanny went.
‘Do you believe her?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Mayo said it wasn’t actually that bad.’ Raff kicked the duvet off the bed. His trainers had made dirty marks on the bottom sheet.
‘When did she say that?’
‘I dunno.’ Raff sat up and swung his legs over so that he was sitting on the other side of the bed, facing Lucy’s dressing table, which was just a small, ordinary table with a piece of mirror propped on it. Jonah went and sat beside him, and they both looked at themselves in the dusty, greasy mirror. Jonah looked more like Roland, who was white, with a long, thin nose, whereas Raff looked more like Lucy, with his browner skin and his afro hair, and his huge, golden eyes.
Raff leaned forward and reached for her lipstick, which was lying amongst some lipsticky tissues. It didn’t have its lid on, and was all squashed and melted. Jonah noticed that two of Raff’s cornrows were coming out now. Lucy had put them in weeks ago, nice and tight, so they would last, but nothing lasts forever. He watched Raff putting the lipstick on his mouth, remembering Lucy doing the same thing the night before. The cricket had finished, and he’d gone upstairs to find her. She’d had her back to him, and their eyes had met in the mirror. She’d scraped her hair into a tight knot on top of her head, which made her look weirdly beautiful. ‘That hairstyle really suits you, Mayo,’ he had said. And then he’d said, ‘Lucy, I mean.’ He’d smiled, but she hadn’t smiled back; and her lipstick had been far too thick.
‘What’s up?’ said Raff, with bright red lips.
‘Nothing,’ said Jonah, but the memory had brought a coldness into his belly. ‘You look stupid with that lipstick.’
‘I look cool, bébé!’ Raff turned sideways to look over his shoulder into the mirror and blow a kiss at himself. Then he went over to her wardrobe and pulled out her sparkly fairy shoes. ‘Roast chicken’s my favourite. Why can’t we go to the Martins’? We could leave her a note.’
Jonah had a flash of the Martins’ house: of burrowing into that space behind the sofa and lying there, smelling what was cooking, and listening to Dora and Lucy talking. When they had first got to know them, when he and Emerald were in Reception, they used to go there nearly every day.
‘Or we could just tell Dora to phone her,’ said Raff.
The phone. Jonah turned to the bedside table. It was still there, next to the wine glass. ‘Have you seen her charger?’
Raff had put his feet into the sparkly shoes and was clopping around the room. ‘It’s down there.’ He pointed to the socket under the dressing table. Jonah crouched down, connecting the phone to the electric current. ‘Why didn’t she take her phone?’
‘She must have forgotten it. Like she forgot her keys.’
‘But where is she?’
The phone seemed to be charging. Jonah tried pressing the ‘On’ button.
‘Jonah.’ It was Raff’s very young voice again.
‘What?’
‘Do you think Bad Granny will come and try and steal us again?’
‘Stealing isn’t the right word, really.’
‘Why not?’
Jonah frowned. It was the word Lucy used, when she told the story, but he was sure there was a more grown-up way of talking about it. ‘She didn’t think Lucy should be allowed to look after us. But that’s not the same as stealing.’
‘Will she try again?’
‘No. I don’t think so.’ The phone wouldn’t turn on.
‘Maybe we should tell the Martins Mayo’s not here.’
‘I don’t think we should.’
‘Because of the cancer?’
‘Because they might decide to phone the police. And then the police will tell Bad Granny.’
‘And she’ll come and steal us.’ Raff’s voice had gone all husky. The phone suddenly bleeped. Then it bleeped a few times more, indicating missed calls and messages.
‘Yesss!’ Raff clopped over and pulled the phone out of Jonah’s hand.
‘Raff, what are you doing!’
‘We’ve got a message from Mayo!’ he said, pressing the buttons.
‘They’re not going to be from her, stupid! They’re from people who phoned her! Give it to me! You’ll delete them if you’re not careful!’
Jonah grabbed it back off him. There was a missed call and a voice message and two new texts. He played the voice message first. ‘It’s Dora,’ he whispered. Dora sounded cross and upset, tearful, even.
‘What’s she saying? Is she saying she’s going to die?’ Raff tried to get his ear right next to Jonah’s, but Dora’s voice had stopped.
‘She said, what’s going on, you ignore my texts and then phone me up at the crack of dawn.’
‘Who, Mayo?’
‘Yes. Shush.’ He looked at the most recent text.
Awful in the hospital. Hubby lost it totally. You and me need to sort things out. Come over with boys after school?
‘Let me look.’
‘Wait.’
The earlier one, sent at 11.07, was in a different tone:
Worrying about you is the last thing I need right now.
PLEASE FUCKING REPLY
‘Give it, Peck!’ Raff snatched it.
‘Raff, give it back. I want to look at the old texts.’
‘“Come. Over. With. Boys. After. School”,’ Raff read out. ‘Right, let’s go.’ He kicked the sparkly shoes off.
‘And what shall we say about Lucy?’
‘Say she didn’t want to come. Anything. Come on, fam.’
‘They’ll think it’s weird. They’ll want to speak to her.’
Raff sat down next to him, sighing, but then jumped up again. ‘Hey! I know! Let’s pretend to be Mayo, and write that we’re coming, but she’s too busy!’
Jonah frowned. It was actually quite a good idea, although pretending to be Lucy would