The Runaway Woman. Josephine Cox
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‘I never thought of us in that way.’
She visibly relaxed. ‘Well, that’s OK, because I never thought of us in that way either.’
Martin was delighted and shocked by her serious suggestion that he should leave Lucy. ‘I would never willingly hurt you … not after what your ex put you through.’
‘I took it bad, I know.’ She cast her mind back. ‘That day when you found me crying … when you held me for the very first time, I was in pieces. But I’m well over that now. It didn’t take me long to realise that ending the marriage was right for both of us. Never having had children made it easier somehow.’
‘Did you want children?’
Paula shrugged. ‘I don’t suppose I would have minded, but it just never happened. I think Ray was bitterly disappointed about that. As it turned out, though, it’s just as well, don’t you think?’
‘I don’t really know but, like you say, I’m sure it meant that it was easier to end the marriage.’
‘To tell the truth, I think I stopped loving him a long time before we decided to break up. In the end it was a relief to see the back of him. He was lazy, quick to temper, and he never showed me any tenderness. You’re different, though, Martin. You’re exciting and loving, and you know how to make me happy.’
‘Really?’ He gave her a sly little smile. ‘That’s nice to know.’
‘No! I didn’t mean it like that,’ she assured him. ‘You make me happy in lots of other ways … and you care for me like a man should.’
‘Well, I’m glad you think like that, but it’s like I just said, you and me, we’re all right together, and that’s good, apart from the fact that I’m a taken man … married to your own sister, no less.’
Guilt darkened his face. ‘Trouble is, I can’t seem to keep away from you, and whatever you might think, I do have a conscience about cheating on Lucy.’
‘So, why do you cheat on her, if it feels wrong?’
‘Because I love you, that’s why.’ He tried to explain. ‘Remind me again … how many years younger than Lucy are you?’
‘Three minus a few weeks. I’m thirty-seven and she’s just round the corner from her fortieth birthday. But what’s that got to do with anything?’
‘Well, it’s just that here you are, only three years younger than Lucy, and yet I swear anyone could be forgiven for thinking you were ten years younger.’
‘Thank you!’ Paula smiled. ‘I’m thrilled that you should think that, but I don’t imagine Lucy would be so pleased.’
‘Oh, but it’s true, and it’s not just your youthful appearance, although that says a lot. Compared to Lucy, you’re much younger in your attitude; you are always bright and pretty, and full of life.’ Running his hands down her long, brown hair, he smiled into her bright, almond-coloured eyes. ‘Hand on heart, Paula, I reckon you could easily pass for a young woman of twenty-one, twenty-two, any day … while Lucy could easily be mistaken for an older middle-aged woman.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘But it’s true, and you know it as well as I do. She’s old in her ways. She acts and dresses like she’s middle-aged. She never fusses over her appearance, or wears make-up. She won’t spend money on having her hair done, or her nails painted. She frets if the meals are late. She panics if everything is short of perfect. She’s refused so often to come with me to the pub when I’m in a darts match that I stopped asking her a long time back. And to be honest, I can’t remember the last time we went out together, or when she actually laughed out loud.’
Paula gently rounded on him. ‘Don’t be too hard on her, Martin. You know as well as I do, Lucy is a good woman. She loves the family, and she’s always there for anyone in trouble. She’s a better woman than I will ever be.’
‘I do not believe that. You’ve been through a lot lately. You deserve a bit of fun and love in your life. As for Lucy, I wasn’t running her down. I was just stating the facts. I know it’s a pity, but she will never change, not now.’
‘But she’s a decent sort, whereas I’m just a flighty tart. I spend too much time at the mirror, and too much money having my hair styled and cut. I spend a fortune on make-up, and I couldn’t cook a dinner for four if I tried my best.’
‘Maybe. But you know how to laugh. You can make a man feel good, and you hit life at the run. That’s what makes you so exciting. At the end of the day, that’s what any man wants in his woman: excitement, laughter, being able to discuss anything and nothing with her, and the occasional fierce rows, and ending up in bed together afterwards.’
Paula grew serious. ‘You say that, Martin. But you have a wife who keeps your shirts washed and ironed. She’s good with money. She holds down a job and still manages to put a piping-hot meal in front of you when you sit down at the table. She never walks away from trouble, yet she never yells or argues. And she always puts your welfare and the family’s welfare before her own. Am I right?’
‘I suppose.’ Martin reflected on her words. ‘Yes … Lucy is everything you say, and I love her very much, but not in the way a man should love his wife. And maybe it’s my fault, because I was the one who made her pregnant when we were just schoolkids. After that, there was no choice for either of us. So now, we’re stuck in a life where there is no closeness, no fire, no tenderness, and nothing to look forward to except more of the same.’
When he seemed to lapse into thought, Paula interrupted, ‘So … Martin? Have you thought about my question?’
He gave a deep sigh. ‘Yes.’ His answer was so quiet, she could only just hear it. ‘I would leave Lucy, yes … without a shadow of doubt.’ He craved the idea of making a permanent life with Paula.
But when he reached out to take her, she pushed him away. ‘I think it’s time you went.’
‘What? No kisses, no hugs, just “get off to work”. Is that it?’
‘Yes … for now, anyway. But there’ll be time enough to talk again.’ Her sister, Lucy, was at the forefront of Paula’s mind, and for the slightest moment, she felt small, and deeply ashamed.
As always, though, the moment soon passed.
A short time later, she stood at the kitchen window and watched him hurry away. She was astonished to learn that, like her, Martin wanted them to be together permanently. I never believed you would leave Lucy for me, she thought, and the awful truth is … I would not try to stop you, because even though I love Lucy, I love you more.
Determined to push Lucy from her mind, she set about getting herself ready for work.
Mary Taylor, Paula’s neighbour, called her husband to the window. ‘Look at him run!’ She pointed at Martin as he scuttled down the alley to his van. ‘Like a thief in the night!’ she declared angrily. ‘They should be ashamed … the pair of them! I’ve got a good mind to tell his wife what they’re up to!’
‘You’ll do no such thing.’ Peter was a gentle soul, content with his quiet life. ‘It would only do more harm than good, and besides, I’ve told you before, it’s none of our business. Just leave it be. Let them sort it out in their own way. All right?’
When she turned away without giving him an answer, he insisted, ‘Mary! Promise me you won’t interfere!’
Mary gave a smile and a kind of nod. ‘All right, I hear you! Now stop worrying. Finish your breakfast and go for your newspapers. Oh, and you’d best take Rascal with you.’ She glanced at the little brown terrier stretched out on the rug. ‘He’s been waiting patiently. Don’t wear him out, though. I might take him to the park later, when you’re meeting up with