An Ideal Husband. Wilde Oscar
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robert chiltern. What letter?
mrs. cheveley. [Contemptuously.] The letter you wrote to Baron Arnheim, when you were Lord Radley’s secretary, telling the Baron to buy Suez Canal shares – a letter written three days before the Government announced its own purchase.
sir robert chiltern. [Hoarsely.] It is not true.
mrs. cheveley. You thought that letter had been destroyed. How foolish of you! It is in my possession.
sir robert chiltern. The affair to which you allude was no more than a speculation. The House of Commons had not yet passed the bill; it might have been rejected.
mrs. cheveley. It was a swindle, Sir Robert. Let us call things by their proper names. It makes everything simpler. And now I am going to sell you that letter, and the price I ask for it is your public support of the Argentine scheme. You made your own fortune out of one canal. You must help me and my friends to make our fortunes out of another!
sir robert chiltern. It is infamous, what you propose – infamous!
mrs. cheveley. Oh, no! This is the game of life as we all have to play it, Sir Robert, sooner or later!
sir robert chiltern. I cannot do what you ask me.
mrs. cheveley. You mean you cannot help doing it. You know you are standing on the edge of a precipice. And it is not for you to make terms. It is for you to accept them. Supposing you refuse —
sir robert chiltern. What then?
mrs. cheveley. My dear Sir Robert, what then? You are ruined, that is all! Remember to what a point your Puritanism in England has brought you. In old days nobody pretended to be a bit better than his neighbours. In fact, to be a bit better than one’s neighbour was considered excessively vulgar and middle-class. Nowadays, with our modern mania for morality, every one has to pose as a paragon of purity, incorruptibility, and all the other seven deadly virtues – and what is the result? You all go over like ninepins – one after the other. Not a year passes in England without somebody disappearing. Scandals used to lend charm, or at least interest, to a man – now they crush him. And yours is a very nasty scandal. You couldn’t survive it. If it were known that as a young man, secretary to a great and important minister, you sold a Cabinet secret for a large sum of money, and that that was the origin of your wealth and career, you would be hounded out of public life, you would disappear completely. And after all, Sir Robert, why should you sacrifice your entire future rather than deal diplomatically with your enemy? For the moment I am your enemy. I admit it! And I am much stronger than you are. The big battalions are on my side. You have a splendid position, but it is your splendid position that makes you so vulnerable. You can’t defend it! And I am in attack. Of course I have not talked morality to you. You must admit in fairness that I have spared you that. Years ago you did a clever, unscrupulous thing; it turned out a great success. You owe to it your fortune and position. And now you have got to pay for it. Sooner or later we have all to pay for what we do. You have to pay now. Before I leave you to-night, you have got to promise me to suppress your report, and to speak in the House in favour of this scheme.
sir robert chiltern. What you ask is impossible.
mrs. cheveley. You must make it possible. You are going to make it possible. Sir Robert, you know what your English newspapers are like. Suppose that when I leave this house I drive down to some newspaper office, and give them this scandal and the proofs of it! Think of their loathsome joy, of the delight they would have in dragging you down, of the mud and mire they would plunge you in. Think of the hypocrite with his greasy smile penning his leading article, and arranging the foulness of the public placard.
sir robert chiltern. Stop! You want me to withdraw the report and to make a short speech stating that I believe there are possibilities in the scheme?
mrs. cheveley. [Sitting down on the sofa.] Those are my terms.
sir robert chiltern. [In a low voice.] I will give you any sum of money you want.
mrs. cheveley. Even you are not rich enough, Sir Robert, to buy back your past. No man is.
sir robert chiltern. I will not do what you ask me. I will not.
mrs. cheveley. You have to. If you don’t.. [Rises from the sofa.]
sir robert chiltern. [Bewildered and unnerved.] Wait a moment! What did you propose? You said that you would give me back my letter, didn’t you?
mrs. cheveley. Yes. That is agreed. I will be in the Ladies’ Gallery to-morrow night at half-past eleven. If by that time – and you will have had heaps of opportunity – you have made an announcement to the House in the terms I wish, I shall hand you back your letter with the prettiest thanks, and the best, or at any rate the most suitable, compliment I can think of. I intend to play quite fairly with you. One should always play fairly.. when one has the winning cards. The Baron taught me that.. amongst other things.
sir robert chiltern. You must let me have time to consider your proposal.
mrs. cheveley. No; you must settle now!
sir robert chiltern. Give me a week – three days!
mrs. cheveley. Impossible! I have got to telegraph to Vienna to-night.
sir robert chiltern. My God! what brought you into my life?
mrs. cheveley. Circumstances. [Moves towards the door.]
sir robert chiltern. Don’t go. I consent. The report shall be withdrawn. I will arrange for a question to be put to me on the subject.
mrs. cheveley. Thank you. I knew we should come to an amicable agreement. I understood your nature from the first. I analysed you, though you did not adore me. And now you can get my carriage for me, Sir Robert. I see the people coming up from supper, and Englishmen always get romantic after a meal, and that bores me dreadfully. [Exit sir robert chiltern.]
[Enter Guests, lady chiltern, lady markby, lord caversham, lady basildon, mrs. marchmont, vicomte de nanjac, mr. montford.]
lady markby. Well, dear Mrs. Cheveley, I hope you have enjoyed yourself. Sir Robert is very entertaining, is he not?
mrs. cheveley. Most entertaining! I have enjoyed my talk with him immensely.
lady markby. He has had a very interesting and brilliant career. And he has married a most admirable wife. Lady Chiltern is a woman of the very highest principles, I am glad to say. I am a little too old now, myself, to trouble about setting a good example, but I always admire people who do. And Lady Chiltern has a very ennobling effect on life, though her dinner-parties are rather dull sometimes. But one can’t have everything, can one? And now I must go, dear. Shall I call for you to-morrow?
mrs. cheveley. Thanks.
lady markby. We might drive in the Park at five. Everything looks so fresh in the Park now!
mrs. cheveley. Except the people!
lady markby. Perhaps the people are a little jaded. I have often observed that the Season as it goes on produces a kind of softening of the brain. However, I think anything is better than high intellectual pressure. That is the most unbecoming thing there is. It makes the noses of the young girls so particularly large. And there is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose; men don’t like them. Good-night, dear! [To lady chiltern.] Good-night, Gertrude! [Goes out on lord caversham’s arm.]
mrs. cheveley. What a charming house you have, Lady Chiltern! I have spent a delightful