Fool. Let me hire him too. Here's my coxcomb.

                                                [Offers Kent his cap.]

        Lear. How now, my pretty knave? How dost thou?

        Fool. Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.

        Kent. Why, fool?

        Fool. Why? For taking one's part that's out of favour. Nay, an

      thou

           canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold

      shortly.

           There, take my coxcomb! Why, this fellow hath banish'd two

      on's

           daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will. If

           thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb. – How now,

           nuncle? Would I had two coxcombs and two daughters!

        Lear. Why, my boy?

        Fool. If I gave them all my living, I'ld keep my coxcombs

      myself.

           There's mine! beg another of thy daughters.

        Lear. Take heed, sirrah- the whip.

        Fool. Truth's a dog must to kennel; he must be whipp'd out,

      when

           Lady the brach may stand by th' fire and stink.

        Lear. A pestilent gall to me!

        Fool. Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.

        Lear. Do.

        Fool. Mark it, nuncle.

                Have more than thou showest,

                Speak less than thou knowest,

                Lend less than thou owest,

                Ride more than thou goest,

                Learn more than thou trowest,

                Set less than thou throwest;

                Leave thy drink and thy whore,

                And keep in-a-door,

                And thou shalt have more

                Than two tens to a score.

        Kent. This is nothing, fool.

        Fool. Then 'tis like the breath of an unfeed lawyer- you gave

      me

           nothing for't. Can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?

        Lear. Why, no, boy. Nothing can be made out of nothing.

        Fool. [to Kent] Prithee tell him, so much the rent of his land

           comes to. He will not believe a fool.

        Lear. A bitter fool!

        Fool. Dost thou know the difference, my boy, between a bitter

           fool and a sweet fool?

        Lear. No, lad; teach me.

        Fool. That lord that counsell'd thee

                  To give away thy land,

                Come place him here by me-

                  Do thou for him stand.

                The sweet and bitter fool

                  Will presently appear;

                The one in motley here,

                  The other found out there.

        Lear. Dost thou call me fool, boy?

        Fool. All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou wast

           born with.

        Kent. This is not altogether fool, my lord.

        Fool. No, faith; lords and great men will not let me. If I had

      a

           monopoly out, they would have part on't. And ladies too,

      they

           will not let me have all the fool to myself; they'll be

           snatching. Give me an egg, nuncle, and I'll give thee two

           crowns.

        Lear. What two crowns shall they be?

        Fool. Why, after I have cut the egg i' th' middle and eat up

      the

           meat, the two crowns of the egg. When thou clovest thy crown

      i'

           th' middle and gav'st away both parts, thou bor'st thine ass

      on

           thy back o'er the dirt. Thou hadst little wit in thy bald

      crown

           when thou gav'st thy golden one away. If I speak like myself

      in

           this, let him be whipp'd that first finds it so.

           [Sings] Fools had ne'er less grace in a year,

                        For wise men are grown foppish;

                      They know not how their wits to wear,

                        Their manners are so apish.

        Lear. When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?

        Fool. I have us'd it, nuncle, ever since thou mad'st thy

      daughters

           thy mother; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and put'st

      down

           thine own breeches,

           [Sings] Then they for sudden joy did weep,

                        And I for sorrow sung,

                      That such a king should play bo-peep

                        And go the fools among.

           Prithee, nuncle, keep a schoolmaster that can teach thy fool

      to

           lie. I would fain learn to lie.

        Lear. An you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipp'd.

        Fool. I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are. They'll

      have me

           whipp'd for speaking true; thou'lt have me whipp'd for

      lying;

           and sometimes I am whipp'd for holding my peace. I had

      rather be

           any