How to Work With and Lead People Not Like You. McDonald Kelly
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who aren't parents. But that difference has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, or even gender. It simply has to do with parenthood versus nonparenthood.
I prefer to talk about diversity using the phrase “people not like you.” Every day, you are surrounded by people who are not like you. Sometimes the differences are obvious, such as a different skin color, ethnicity, gender, age, or disability. But there are numerous other ways that people are not like you, and some of those ways may not be apparent until you get to know someone.
Here is a list of some of the ways that people can be “not like you” – some are self‐explanatory, others require a bit of description. This is by no means a complete list of ways we can be diverse, but I'll bet there are a few here you haven't considered before:
• Different racial and ethnic groups
• Black, White, Asian, Native American, Pacific Islander, Hispanic/Latino, Middle Eastern, South Asian (Indian, Pakistani, etc.)
• Different religious groups and views
• Men and women
• Different ages and generations
• LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning – “questioning” includes those who may be unsure of their sexual orientation or preference, such as teens who are still developing and exploring, or those for whom sexuality and/or gender identity is more fluid)
• Introverts and extroverts
• Marital status (single, married, divorced, partnered, widowed)
• Parents and nonparents
• And within “parents,” there is no doubt that single parents have different lives and demands on them than two‐parent households
• Different levels of income and affluence
• Differing political views
• Different education levels
• Different cultural backgrounds – this would include different heritage, traditions, and customs, but can also include things that shape culture significantly. Examples of these include:
• Military versus civilian backgrounds/experience
• Rural versus metropolitan backgrounds
• North/South or East Coast/West Coast backgrounds
• White‐collar versus blue‐collar professions
• Differing physical, emotional and mental abilities
• Full‐time versus part‐time workers and “gig” workers
• Office workers versus telecommuters
• In some companies and organizations, the flexibility that some employees have in working from home is fostering resentment among those who can't. We'll tackle this issue, and others like it, in this book.
These are just a few of the ways we can be different from one another at work. I'm certain you could add to this list – it's endless. Recently, I was talking with a guy at a business conference about this subject, and he said, “Here's one for your list: gun owners versus non‐gun owners!” He was right! Shooting isn't just a sport or activity for many people; it's a culture. Gun owners collect and trade guns, practice shooting, and can't envision not having guns. Those who don't have guns can't envision having them – they see no reason for them. Another guy overheard us talking and chimed in with, “Here's another one: gamers versus nongamers!” It's so true! People who are really into video games don't see it as just a pastime or a hobby; they see it as a complete culture. It has its own language, rules, hierarchy, and status. These are two great examples of how people can be not like each other, but in both cases, the difference has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, age, or gender. As you think about your coworkers, what other ways can you identify that they can be “not like you”?
And here's something else to consider: if they are “not like you,” then they probably see you the same way —not like them.
All you want is to do your job and do it well, without conflict or drama. But there is this underlying level of anxiety and stress that stems from feeling like you have to walk on eggshells for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. That's because your workplace today is made up of more people who come from diverse backgrounds than ever before. Diverse backgrounds mean that cultures, experiences, views, habits, and approaches will be different. And when you're faced with people, cultures, values, or approaches that are different and unfamiliar, it's stressful. It's out of your comfort zone. It's uncomfortable.
It's important to know three things right now:
1. You're not alone. Everyone feels this way! Yep, everyone.
2. The discomfort you feel is completely normal.
3. You're not a bad person if you're struggling to function effectively with diverse coworkers.
This last bullet point is especially important. There is so much attention and focus on the value of diversity, at work and in society, that if you question it or struggle with it, you're made to feel like a bad person.
In my opinion, the very fact that you're reading this book says that you get it– you want to work more effectively with diverse people and figure out how to overcome differences at work so that you can perform at the highest level. You want to resolve conflict, reduce friction, find common ground, and be the best coworker and team member you can be. You're not a bad person. You're an honest person, and you're doing your best to understand people, behaviors, or attitudes that may baffle you.
You are investing the time to learn because you care. You care enough about yourself, your company, your workplace, and your fellow workers to try to make things better. You don't want to just toil away at work. You want to contribute and succeed and be part of a high‐performing team. You want to help make the culture at work more enjoyable, productive, positive, and rewarding – for yourself and everyone else. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be reading this right now! You'd just go to work each day and try not to rock the boat. But that's not you – you're trying to understand people not like you – and how best to work alongside them. You're making the effort and taking the time to learn about how to be a better employee or leader. You're the kind of associate that companies want: thoughtful, invested, and dedicated to positive outcomes. This book will show you how to achieve those positive outcomes, regardless of how different the people you're working with may be from you and how frustrating that can be at times. But before we get into the steps of “how” to do this, let's talk about why diversity is so important in the workplace now. What's driving it? It wasn't always such a hot topic – why is it now? And will things ever go back to the way they used to be?
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