Light Freights. William Wymark Jacobs
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started grumbling, but he went, and presently came back with the cab and the money, and they all went downstairs leading the wild man by a bit o’ line. They only met one party coming up, and ‘e seemed to remember somethink ‘e’d forgotten wot ought to be fetched at once.
“Ginger went out fust and opened the cab-door, and then stood there waiting becos at the last moment the wild man said the winder-blind was slipping down. They got ‘im out at last, but before ‘e could get in the cab was going up the road at ten miles an hour, with Ginger ‘anging on to the door calling to it to stop.
“It came back at about a mile an’ a ‘alf an hour, an’ the remarks of the cabman was eggstrordinary. Even when he got back ‘e wouldn’t start till ‘e’d got double fare paid in advance; but they got in at last and drove off.
“There was a fine scene at Ted Reddish’s door. Ginger said that if there was a bit of a struggle it would be a good advertisement for Ted Reddish, and they might p’r’aps get more than a ‘undered, and all the three of ‘em could do, they couldn’t get the wild man out o’ that cab, and the cabman was hopping about ‘arf crazy. Every now and then they’d get the wild man ‘arf out, and then he’d get in agin and snarl. ‘E didn’t seem to know when to leave off, and Ginger and the others got almost as sick of it as the cabman. It must ha’ taken two years’ wear out o’ that cab, but they got ‘im out at last, and Reddish’s door being open to see what the row was about, they went straight in.
“‘Wot’s all this?’ ses Reddish, who was a tall, thin man, with a dark moustache.
“It’s a wild man o’ Borneo,’ ses Ginger, panting; ‘we caught ‘im in a forest in Brazil, an’ we’ve come ‘ere to give you the fust offer.’
“Ted Reddish was so surprised ‘e couldn’t speak at fust. The wild man seemed to take ‘is breath away, and ‘e looked in a ‘elpless kind o’ way at ‘is wife, who’d just come down. She was a nice-lookin’ woman, fat, with a lot o’ yaller hair, and she smiled at ‘em as though she’d known ‘em all their lives.
“‘Come into the parlour,’ she ses, kindly, just as Ted was beginning to get ‘is breath.
“They followed ‘em in, and the wild man was just going to make hisself comfortable in a easy-chair, when Ginger give ‘im a look, an’ ‘e curled up on the ‘earthrug instead.
“‘’E ain’t a very fine specimen,’ ses Ted Reddish, at last.
“‘It’s the red side-whiskers I don’t like,’ ses his wife. ‘Besides, who ever ‘eard of a wild man in a collar an’ necktie?’
“‘You’ve got hold o’ the wrong one,’ ses Ted Reddish, afore Ginger Dick could speak up for hisself.
“‘Oh, I beg your pardin,’ ses Mrs. Reddish to Ginger, very polite. ‘I thought it was funny a wild man should be wearing a collar. It’s my mistake. That’s the wild man, I s’pose, on the ‘earthrug?’
“That’s ‘im, mum,’ ses old Sam, very short.
“‘He don’t look wild enough,’ ses Reddish.
“‘No; ‘e’s much too tame,’ ses ‘is wife, shaking her yaller curls.
“The chaps all looked at each other then, and the wild man began to think it was time he did somethink; and the nearest thing ‘andy being Ginger’s leg, ‘e put ‘is teeth into it. Anybody might ha’ thought Ginger was the wild man then, the way ‘e went on, and Mrs. Reddish said that even if he so far forgot hisself as to use sich langwidge afore ‘er, ‘e oughtn’t to before a poor ‘eathen animal.
“‘How much do you want for ‘im?’ ses Ted Reddish, arter Ginger ‘ad got ‘is leg away, and taken it to the winder to look at it.
“‘One ‘undered pounds,’ ses old Sam.
“Ted Reddish looked at ‘is wife, and they both larfed as though they’d never leave orf.
“‘Why, the market price o’ the best wild men is only thirty shillings,’ ses Reddish, wiping ‘is eyes. ‘I’ll give you a pound for ‘im.’
“Old Sam looked at Russet, and Russet looked at Ginger, and then they all larfed.
“‘Well, there’s no getting over you, I can see that,’ ses Reddish, at last. ‘Is he strong?’
“‘Strong? Strong ain’t the word for it,’ ses Sam.
“‘Bring ‘im to the back and let ‘im ‘ave a wrestle with one o’ the brown bears, Ted,’ ses ‘is wife.
“‘’E’d kill it,’ ses old Sam, hastily.
“‘Never mind,’ ses Reddish, getting up; ‘brown bears is cheap enough.’
“They all got up then, none of ‘em knowing wot to do, except the wild man, that is, and he got ‘is arms tight round the leg o’ the table.
“‘Well,’ ses Ginger, ‘we’ll be pleased for ‘im to wrestle with the bear, but we must ‘ave the ‘un-dered quid fust, in case ‘e injures ‘isself a little.’
“Ted Reddish looked ‘ard at ‘im, and then he looked at ‘is wife agin.
“I’ll just go outside and talk it over with the missus,’ he ses, at last, and they both got up and went out.
“‘It’s all right,’ ses old Sam, winking at Ginger.
“‘Fair cop,’ ses Ginger, who was still rubbing his leg. ‘I told you it would be, but there’s no need for Beauty to overdo it. He nearly ‘ad a bit out o’ my leg.’
“‘A’right,’ ses the wild man, shifting along the ‘earthrug to where Peter was sitting; ‘but it don’t do for me to be too tame. You ‘eard wot she said.’
“‘How are you feeling, old man?’ ses Peter, in a kind voice, as ‘e tucked ‘is legs away under ‘is chair.
“‘Gurr,’ ses the wild man, going on all fours to the back of the chair, ‘gur—wug—wug–’
“‘Don’t play the fool, Beauty,’ ses Peter, with a uneasy smile, as he twisted ‘is ‘ead round. ‘Call ‘im off, Sam.’
“‘Gurr,’ ses the wild man, sniffing at ‘is legs; ‘gurr.’
“‘Easy on, Beauty, it’s no good biting ‘im till they come back,’ ses old Sam.
“‘I won’t be bit at all,’ ses Russet, very sharp, ‘mind that, Sam. It’s my belief Beauty’s gone mad.’
“‘Hush,’ ses Ginger, and they ‘eard Ted Reddish and ‘is wife coming back. They came in, sat down agin, and after Ted ‘ad ‘ad another good look at the wild man and prodded ‘im all over an’ looked at ‘is teeth, he spoke up and said they’d decided to give a ‘undered pun for ‘im at the end o’ three days if ‘e suited.
“‘I s’pose,’ ses Sam, looking at the others, ‘that we could ‘ave a bit of it now to go on with?’
“‘It’s agin our way of doing business,’ ses Ted Reddish. ‘If it ‘ud been a lion or a tiger we could, but wild men we never do.’
“‘The thing is,’ ses Mrs. Reddish, as the wild man started on Russet’s leg and was pulled off by Sam and Ginger, ‘where to put ‘im.’
“‘Why not put ‘im in with the black leopard?’ ses her ‘usband.
“‘There’s plenty o’ room in his cage,’ says ‘is wife thoughtfully, ‘and it ‘ud be company for ‘im too.’
“‘I don’t think the wild man ‘ud like that,’ ses Ginger.
“‘I’m sartain sure ‘e wouldn’t,’ says old Sam, shaking ‘is ‘ead.
“‘Well, we must put ‘im in a cage by hisself, I