Skulduggery Pleasant: Books 4 - 6. Derek Landy
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ever spoken.”
“Well, pardon me,” Sanguine said, “but how in tarnation is that goin’ to help us fight off a pack of bloodthirsty zombies? You goin’ to throw dictionaries at ‘em or just talk ‘em to death?”
“Mr Shudder said you could use all the help you could get,” Miss Nuncio said rather primly. “Just because I decided not to devote my life to the study of hurting people does not mean I can’t be useful.”
“You’re a pacifist,” Sanguine groaned.
“I’m a realist, sir. And if a pack of bloodthirsty zombies, as you put it, want to eat me, I will defend myself, you can be certain of that.”
“Goin’ to get stuck in a zombie’s throat – that your big plan?”
“Sanguine,” said Valkyrie, “shut up. You’re the only one down here who can’t use any magic, so you really can’t afford to dismiss those who can.”
He looked at her. “I hate you.”
A window broke. Then another. They moved into the common room. There were two windows in here. One was blocked by the bookcase, the other by nothing more than a curtain. A zombie was trying to crawl through the second one. They watched the curtain writhe like it was alive, and then it parted. The zombie was halfway through and it looked up. It growled and reached for them, so Skulduggery shot it.
“Go for the head if you can,” he said. “Burning them works, but it takes a lot longer. Break their legs to slow them down. Don’t let them bite you.”
“I’ve never fought zombies before,” Mr Jib said. “I’ve fought every other kind of creature, but not zombies. Always wanted to, though.”
“Here at the Midnight Hotel,” Shudder said quietly, “we aim to please.”
Two more zombies were struggling through the window and Skulduggery shot them both. The bookcase was shaking now. Another window broke, somewhere at the back of the hotel.
“I’ll take care of it,” Shudder said grimly, and moved out of the common room. The hotel door was being given a pounding.
Sanguine picked up a table and smashed it against a wall. He pulled one of the legs from the resulting mess and threw it to Miss Nuncio, who hefted it in both hands. The second leg he threw to Mr Jib, and the third he kept for himself.
Glaring at Sanguine, Valkyrie clicked her fingers and summoned a flame. Sanguine muttered something and gave her the fourth leg.
“Come on,” Mr Jib called to the zombies outside. “I don’t have all night.”
“Don’t taunt the zombies,” Skulduggery said disapprovingly.
Mr Jib laughed and moved up to the window. “These guys are harmless,” he said. “The stench’ll kill us faster than they will.”
A hand reached in, closed around Mr Jib’s wrist, and he was jerked forward.
“Hey, no, wait,” he said and then he was yanked out through the window before Skulduggery or Valkyrie could reach him. He didn’t even have time to scream.
“Oh my God,” Miss Nuncio said.
“Do you get many of your linguistics sorcerers eaten alive then?” Sanguine asked lazily.
The hotel door burst open, shoving the sofa and the table back, and the zombies came spilling through.
Skulduggery’s gun roared, again and again. Zombies stumbled and fell, and Skulduggery reloaded while Valkyrie hurled fireballs. A flaming zombie came stumbling and Valkyrie cracked the table leg against its head. It hit the ground and tried to get up, but the other zombies trampled over it.
The bookcase toppled and Miss Nuncio was at the window, battering the zombies who were trying to crawl through. One got past Skulduggery and Valkyrie then charged at Sanguine. Sanguine cursed and lost the table leg, and the zombie pushed him back against the wall. Sanguine swung punches to no effect, then his hand closed around its throat. He pushed with all his strength, keeping those biting jaws away from him. He twisted and the zombie was forced up against the wall. The wall crumbled and its head sank through. Sanguine stepped away, leaving the puzzled zombie stuck there.
Skulduggery was out of bullets. He dropped the revolver and curled his hands. The air closed around the nearest zombie and it froze, gurgling slightly, before Skulduggery swept his arms wide and its head flew from its body.
Valkyrie punched a hole through a zombie’s chest with her shadows. It staggered forward and she ducked under it, bringing the shadows back and turning them sharp. They sliced through the zombie’s ankle and it toppled over. She hefted the table leg in both hands and used it like a baseball bat on the next one to get near. It stumbled over its fallen friend and knocked a third one down. They weren’t too bright, these zombies.
A big zombie rushed her and wrapped its arms around her. Its mouth was on her shoulder, trying to bite through. The table leg fell from Valkyrie’s hand as she was taken off her feet and carried backwards. She hit the wall beside the door to the kitchen, and the big zombie tried to take a bite out of her face. She raised her arms sharply, loosening its hold on her, and dropped to the ground. It moaned something, pitiful and disappointed, and she pushed at the air and launched it away from her.
She got up and Sanguine came crashing into her. They both went sprawling into the kitchen, the zombie who had thrown him following them in.
Valkyrie was the first up. She grabbed a massive meat cleaver from the worktop and hurled it. The back of the cleaver smacked into the zombie’s head and bounced off. She hurled another knife and this time it was the handle that hit. Sanguine stood, fixed his sunglasses, looked around for his straight razor and saw the zombie reaching for him. He yelped and ducked, but it grabbed his jacket.
Valkyrie ran up behind it, whacking a frying pan into the back of its knee. It went down and Sanguine pushed the hand that had grabbed him into the wall. The wall solidified and the zombie moaned, trapped there.
Valkyrie and Sanguine stepped away, well out of its reach, and looked at each other, and for a moment it was merely in appreciation of a job well done. And then it turned to something else.
Sanguine swung a punch and Valkyrie ducked under it and thrust her shoulder into his gut. He grunted and fell back, but grabbed her as he went, throwing her to the floor. She rolled and hit the wall as he stooped for the straight razor, but a flick of her hand sent it spinning away from him. He growled and kicked her as she lay there. She folded her body around the kick and lashed out with one of her own, catching him in the side of the knee. He yelled as he went down. She got up and jumped over him, but he snagged her ankle and she fell.
Valkyrie rolled and came up and Sanguine sprang at her. She tried flipping him over her hip, but he was too big and too heavy. She turned into him and his hands gripped her throat. Her elbow shot up between his arms and found his chin. His head rocketed back and his mouth hung open and his grip loosened. She punched a fistful of shadows into his chest and Sanguine was flung backwards. He hit the wall and dropped to the floor. The trapped zombie reached out for him, but it was just too far away. It moaned again.
Valkyrie heard Miss Nuncio scream and she ran out of the kitchen.
anguine lay there for a bit, waiting for his brain to kick back into gear.
Moving slowly, he picked himself up. He figured two, maybe three ribs were broken, thanks to the girl and that damned ring of hers. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he’d had his hands around her throat, but had failed to kill her. He was already angry enough as it was.
He found his razor beneath the stove. His ribs bit into his side when he bent to retrieve it, but when it was in his hand again, he felt better.