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      Things were pretty miserable back then: I would get up really early in the morning just so I could be on my own. I would go to work an hour earlier than was strictly necessary, and I’d take the scenic route there. Once at work I’d count the hours till lunchtime, and then again till I could leave. Then I’d drive the long way home, a different route this time, with a certain amount of dread about what awaited me when I got in.

      Once home I’d get cross if there was anything that needed my attention – something to fix, a phone call to make, or even post to open. I’d get cross if there was nothing for dinner. I’d get cross if I couldn’t watch television (though I didn’t care what was on). And I’d definitely get cross if I couldn’t have a glass of wine. Particularly as I wanted two. And after all this crossness I’d go to bed. Ridiculously early.

      My days would be spent impatiently waiting for the next ‘bit’, just so whatever I was currently doing would end.

      I’d spend weekdays longing for the weekend, and the weekend longing for Monday morning.

      And I spent hours and hours wishing. I made long secret lists of wishes: ‘Things I would do someday …’ Except someday never came. My only purpose in life was to make sure my body was where it was supposed to be at an allotted time. I was a prisoner inside my own existence.

      And the really sad thing is, I wasn’t the only one. My wife felt like that too. We were both slaves to a growing number of responsibilities that controlled our every waking hour.

      So who was holding us to ransom? Who was pulling the strings? Who was the evil mastermind behind the wicked forces in our lives?

      We were.

      We let it happen. And it wasn’t hard to do.

      What’s more, we thought it was a phase. A blip. Something to get through. Good times were just around the corner, and if they weren’t, we still had the rest of our lives for things to get better.

      And whilst that might be true for me, it wasn’t for my wife.

      If I could jump back in time and tell my younger self that I’d only be with Kate for three years and three months, and that those would be the very last moments she would have on this planet, I’d change everything. Right away.

      In short: I’d have made every damn day count.

      Let’s get one thing straight here. You can’t ‘live every day as though it’s your last’. That’s impractical. Stupid, even. But you can grab back the reins of your life, get back in the driving seat, and take back control. It’s not easy. There’ll be resistance. Lots of it. The majority of it from yourself. But my God, you’ll feel better.

      ‘Terrific!’ you might be thinking. ‘Another self-help book that wants to tell me how the unhappiness I feel is my fault! What a load of baloney! Can I get a refund?’

      Relax.

      This book’s being written by an Englishman, and as such it’s finally time to start pointing the finger at others.

      Cause Number 3: External Forces

      Sometimes the thing that’s making you unhappy is staring you right in the face. People might tell you that you need to relax, calm down, try not to take things personally, roll with the punches, ‘make lemonade when life gives you lemons’, but sometimes that’s not going to cut it.

      Sometimes, it isn’t you.

      Sometimes it really is them.

      Let’s take a look at who they are.

      For me, ‘Other People’ have more power than anything else to drain my enthusiasm and suck the pleasure out of life.

      It isn’t always the people you think it would be either. Sure, the angry idiot who gestured at me from his car as he drove past took the edge off what might have been a pleasant drive home, but he’s soon forgotten, and I can take solace in the fact that by the way he’s driving he’ll probably wrap his car around a tree in the not too distant future.

      No, the people who really have the power to make me unhappy are either people who I care about, or people who are, in some way, important in my life.

      We all have them: The manager you don’t get on with – one who seems intent on making your life a misery. The ex-partner you still have to see at family gatherings. The moody work colleague you have to tiptoe around. Or the aged relative who you love dearly, but has started to take you for granted.

      Occasionally it isn’t the interaction with these people that drives us crazy, but the lack thereof. Like the client or a supplier who never returns your calls, never answers your emails, and is somehow never in the office when you ‘pop by’. Or the friend or sibling who is so wrapped up in themselves that after an hour or so in their company you really begin to wonder whether all you are is some sort of audience.

      Then there are the corporations, companies and government bodies that determine the structure in which we live, and rarely does a day go by when I haven’t got to deal with some browbeaten call centre representative from an organisation that actually doesn’t give two figs about whatever my plight might be. You might be forgiven for wondering if these organisations are run by people whose entire aim in life is to make as much money as possible, by any means, but without bringing the slightest bit of joy to anyone involved in the process. Having worked for a number of such organisations I can divulge that this is indeed the case.

      Shortly after writing the first edition of this book, I started running How to Do Everything and Be Happy workshops.3 They’re a lot of fun, and because they’re mainly attended by Brits, one of the most popular elements of the course seems to be when I give the group the opportunity to suggest what would make their ‘External Forces’ list. Here’s just a sample of some of the more popular culprits:

       My job (see General Unhappiness Reason Number 1)

       Call centres

       Idiot drivers

       Parking (or lack of)

       Taxes

       Mondays

       My ex

       My hormones

       Rubbish TV

       People who walk in front of me very, very slowly

       Lateness (mine or other people’s)

       Not getting enough sleep

       Pre-recorded call centre messages – ‘We’re experiencing a high volume of calls at the moment’ – no you’re not! This is the same volume of calls you’ve had for the past ten years!

       The road works we’ve had outside my building for the past ten weeks!

       Unfairness

       Bags of lettuce (why isn’t it possible to buy a bloody lettuce any more?!)

       ‘If your call is about something trivial, press 1. If your call is related to something else trivial, press 2. If your call is related to a trivial matter not related to the first two trivial matters press 3. If your call …’

       Clients who yell at me when there’s nothing I can do about it

       The UK winter (being dark at 4pm)

       Friends letting me down or losing touch with friends

       Family not ‘understanding’ me or saying something that makes me feel low

       ‘Did you know you can check your balance on our website?’ Yes, I did! Put me through to a real person!

       Having a fat day, or bad hair day

       Being broke (worrying about money)

       Stressing about ‘my life’

       Family

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