Forgive Me. Amanda Eyre Ward
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fine.”
“I brought you something,” said Gwen.
“For the love of God,” said Nadine. “Please, no more crossword puzzles.”
“Well,” said Gwen. She stood in the doorway for a moment, and then she said, “There’s no need to be nasty.”
“I know,” said Nadine. “I don’t mean to be. It’s just… Gwen, I don’t need mothering. I’m happy for you and my dad, and I’m just ready to get back to Mexico.”
“Speaking of lovebirds…,” said Gwen, settling on the corner of Nadine’s bed, tracing a circle on the coverlet.
“Hm?” Nadine put down The New York Times and opened the Boston Tribune.
“What about you settling down? Getting married? Babies?”
“Don’t think babies are in the cards for me.”
“You still have time,” said Gwen. “Well, a little.”
“I guess I’m missing the mommy gene,” said Nadine.
“You’re so pretty,” said Gwen. “And you have lovely panties. Are they French? You could get a man, Nadine.”
“I don’t want a man,” said Nadine. “I want to get back to work.”
“What about that nice Dr. Duarte?” said Gwen. “Everyone has a past, you can’t fault him for that.”
“What?”
“Poor Dr. Duarte,” said Gwen, leaning in. “I really shouldn’t gossip.”
Nadine was silent.
“Okay,” said Gwen. “Twist my arm. His wife ran off with a Greek man she met on a cruise ship!”
“Jesus,” said Nadine.
“A Carnival Cruise,” said Gwen in wonderment. “Now she lives on Mykonos and has two children. Both Greek. So Dr. Duarte moved here.”
“I’m missing something,” said Nadine.
“Oh, he used to work in the city. Some terrible emergency room. He worked all day and night.” Gwen warmed to her story. “So Maryjane finally convinces him to take a break. They go on a Caribbean cruise. A Carnival Cruise, did I mention?”
“Yes, Gwen, you did.”
“So who knows? I heard she met the Greek in the buffet line. I keep telling your father: they have really good food on those cruises. Everybody says so. And things like Tex Mex night, sushi night, what have you.”
“I am really tired,” said Nadine.
“Tex Mex night with margaritas. He’d like it, don’t you think?”
“Gwen,” said Nadine, “I’m going to take a nap now.”
“Oh.” Gwen was quiet for a moment, and then said, “Well, I just had to show you what I found in your daddy’s things.” She held out the shoe box.
“Sneakers?”
“No, silly,” said Gwen. “It’s all your articles.” She lifted newspaper clippings. “He saved every one,” she said.
One of the clippings fell from her hand, and Nadine held it up. It was a story she’d reported from South Africa: EVELINA MALE-FANE: MURDERER OR MARTYR? Nadine’s stomach clenched.
“That is the most terrifying story,” said Gwen. “That little African girl! How could she have killed an American? And a boy from Nantucket, no less.”
“Jason Irving,” said Nadine.
“Right. What a sicko. Did she get executed? I certainly hope so.”
“She’s in jail,” said Nadine.
“I would have voted for execution, myself,” said Gwen.
“She was fifteen,” said Nadine.
“A bad apple,” said Gwen, standing, “is a bad apple, any way you slice it.”
“Actually, she’s getting out of jail, if you really want to know,” said Nadine.
“Out?” said Gwen, sitting back down.
“The Truth and Reconciliation Commission. TRC, for short.”
“You have lost me, Nadine,” said Gwen.
“Under apartheid–” Nadine began.
“Oh Lord,” said Gwen, holding up her palm to stop Nadine.
“What?”
“Well, to be honest, sweetheart,” said Gwen, “I’m just not interested in history.”
Nadine sighed.
“What? A bunch of people over in Africa killed each other. I mean, what can you do?” She lifted her hands, a gesture of helplessness. “ Anyhoo, I just wanted you to know about this shoe box. Your daddy’s cut out every article you’ve ever written. He cares, Nadine, is what I’m saying.”
“Evelinas appearing before the TRC,” said Nadine. “She could be given amnesty.”
“You’re like an onion,” said Gwen. “Lots of layers. I mean that.”
“Okay,” said Nadine.
“An onion,” said Gwen. “Seems all rough, but then it’s tender underneath. Makes you cry. Best when softened up a little…”
“I get the picture,” said Nadine.
“Anyhoo,” said Gwen, “I’m real glad we had this little chat.”
When she was alone, Nadine stared at the article, which she had written almost ten years before.
Six
The summer she flew from JFK to Cape Town International Airport, Nadine was twenty-five, her hair in a long braid down her back. On her face, Nadine wore only sunscreen and ChapStick, and she was often mistaken for a student. But the lines in her forehead and the coldness in her eyes, her angry cynicism, betrayed her experience. By twenty-five, Nadine had been to Bhopal, India, where she had seen and reported on hundreds of dead bodies, victims of a slow, lethal leak in a Liberty Union methyl-isocyanate plant. She had comforted dying children in an emergency feeding center on the edge of Ethiopia’s Danakil Desert, filing detailed accounts for the Boston Tribune. Her articles about the torture wrought in Haiti by the Tonton Macoutes won her a five-hundred-dollar award, which she put toward credit card bills. She didn’t shy away from the gruesome details. In fact, as her Tribune editor, Eugenia, said, Nadine was “hot for gore.”
Nadine was ready to stare the worst in the face. But a steady paycheck still eluded her. It was part of the job: stringers paid their own way, hoping to sell enough stories to cover plane tickets, hotels (or crummy apartments), meals. Sometimes Nadine was forced to share a room with a more established reporter. Eugenia often bought Nadine’s stories, but Nadine dreamed of a steady position. Or the ultimate prize: paid expenses.
Eugenia called Nadine first when something unimaginable happened in a far corner of the world. “I don’t know how she handles it,” Nadine once overheard Eugenia telling another editor, “but she handles it. For now, anyway.” Eugenia had a foul mouth and a nose for ratings. “Nadine, babe,” she’d say, “I’m FedExing tickets to Haiti. Can you smell the blood?”
In Port-au-Prince, Nadine met Padget Thompson, the bureau chief for The New York Times. One night, as they drank whiskey at the Hotel Oloffson, Padget fixed her with a stare. “May I give you some advice, my dear?” he said.
“Of course,” said Nadine. She sipped her drink quickly, trying