Josephine Cox Sunday Times Bestsellers Collection. Josephine Cox
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she wants.’
‘Oh yeah?’ Ronnie turned on him. ‘Well, we don’t always get what we want out of life, do we, eh? I wanted her to stay and work it out with Dad, but she refused. When we got here, I wanted her to go back and try again, but oh no! And when it was too late and we heard that Dad had died, it didn’t take her long to marry Leonard, did it? All women are bitches, in my opinion.’
‘It wasn’t like that, and you know it!’
Grabbing him by the shirt-collar, Thomas reminded him, ‘Leonard has been good to us. If it hadn’t been for him, God only knows where we might have ended up. As for Mom, she was devastated when Dad did what he did … parading himself through the centre of Liverpool with tarts and drunks. And don’t forget how he turned on her when she tried to reason with him! I’ll never know why he changed like he did. But he did, and it hurt. It hurt us, and it hurt her more. Don’t tell me she didn’t try to rebuild the family, because she tried time and again, belittling herself for our sakes, but Dad was so far gone he didn’t want to know! As for her marrying Leonard, what would you have her do, eh? Spend the rest of her life being lonely, brooding over what happened?’
He gave Ronnie a shake. ‘Did you really want her to go back and beg Dad to change his mind? Did you want her to suffer another round of shame and rejection? Is that what you wanted? Is it?’
There were tears in both men’s eyes.
Thomas, too, had been affected by leaving his father in Liverpool, but through it all he saw himself as the man of the family. With Susie and his mother in pieces and Ronnie getting involved with all manner of bad things, it was up to him to reassure the others, when all the time he was feeling heartbroken and bitter. He loved his father. But seeing him turn into a stranger had been devastating. To his dying day he would never understand why it happened the way it did. But it did, and they had to live with it – Ronnie included!
Suddenly, the younger man was crying, loud bitter sobs that shook Thomas to his roots. ‘I didn’t mean to blame her,’ he wept. ‘I know it wasn’t her fault.’
Wrapping an arm round him, Thomas held him in a brotherly hug. ‘Just remember, she did what she could,’ he said quietly. ‘She secured us a future, and I for one am glad she has somebody else to look out for her. Leonard is a good man, you know that.’
Ronnie didn’t look up. Instead, he nodded his head. Then he turned and walked away.
Thomas watched him go. He saw the hunched shoulders and the dogged steps, and it tore him apart. ‘Ronnie, come back … RONNIE!’ Instead, Ronnie broke into a run. He ran down the dip and on towards the lane, where he jumped the five-bar gate, and was quickly gone.
Behind him, Thomas leaned against the barn door, his sorry gaze following Ronnie as he disappeared out of sight.
He was torn two ways. He knew how hard his younger brother had tried to stay out of trouble, and for a time he had managed it. He stayed home and worked the land with Thomas. He slotted back into the family fold and was even forging a friendship with Leonard. But like always, this period of peace was short-lived. Somehow he always drifted back to the bad ways, hanging out with ruffians on the wrong side of town, getting drunk in bars and causing mayhem wherever he went.
Seeing his brother so damaged, was deeply troubling to Thomas. There seemed no peace for him, no salvation. Inevitably his thoughts returned to the day they sailed out of Liverpool, when he had seen young Ronnie hiding behind a column on deck, looking back, tears in his eyes as he searched for the figure of his father; there was no sign of Barney, only the Mersey docks, getting smaller and smaller, until they disappeared altogether.
Time and again over the years he had tried to reach out to Ronnie, but when he was in one of his black moods, there was no reasoning with him.
The boy had gone, the man had emerged, but the heart was still raw with loss. And because Barney was not here to ease his pain, he blamed everyone else – his brother, his mother, and most of all, Leonard.
Susie was the only one he would talk to, because she knew how he felt. She, too, had gone through all the emotions, the bitterness and hatred, the longing and regrets. But over the years she had poured all her energy into work, and somehow had managed to come to terms with the upheaval that had turned all their lives upside down.
On seeing his mother return with Leonard, Thomas quickly went into the barn and resumed work on the tractor.
When he heard a noise at the barn door, he looked up to see his mother standing there. ‘Is everything all right?’ she asked worriedly. ‘Was that Ronnie I saw running across the fields?’
Thomas told her that Ronnie had been helping him service the machines. ‘He had to go,’ he explained. ‘Things to do, or so he said.’
Vicky came closer. ‘Don’t fob me off, young fella,’ she said. ‘Ronnie was running like the devil was on his heels. Something’s wrong, I know it.’ She saw the pain in her elder son’s eyes and her heart sank. ‘What’s wrong this time? Where was he headed? Please, lad, tell me the truth.’
Thomas straightened his shoulders. ‘He’s gone,’ he said simply.
‘Gone where?’
‘God knows.’
‘Why did he go? WHY?’
‘Who can tell?’ Anger and frustration rippled through him. ‘One minute he was working under the tractor, then we were talking and now he’s gone, like you say … running as though the devil was on his heels.’
Vicky didn’t need to ask but she did anyway. ‘What exactly were you talking about?’
‘Nothing in particular,’ he said cautiously. ‘This and that.’
‘It was Barney, wasn’t it?’ Where Ronnie was concerned, her instincts were always right. ‘You were talking about your father, and he got himself all aerated?’
Thomas was stuck for an answer. So many times he’d been caught in the middle, not wanting to hurt Ronnie, not wanting to hurt his mother. ‘All right, yes, we were talking about Dad, or at least Ronnie was,’ he said finally.
She nodded an acknowledgement. ‘And he was blaming everyone. You, for not persuading me to go back and try to reunite the family, and Leonard for marrying me?’
‘Look, Mom, Ronnie’s got it all wrong. He took it bad when the family broke up.’
Vicky put up her hand to stop him. ‘We all took it bad!’ she reminded him. ‘You, Susie, and me. We’ve all had to deal with it. Did you tell him that it was twenty years ago, and that he must learn to come to terms with it? Otherwise it will ruin him, and if it ruins him, it will ruin us too.’ A thought crossed her mind. ‘What else did he say?’
Thomas knew his mother would not let it go until she had the whole story. ‘He said you should never have married Leonard,’ he muttered, hating to say the words.
‘I see.’ She bowed her head. ‘He still dislikes him, doesn’t he?’
‘No, I don’t think he dislikes him. It’s just that he sees him as having taken Dad’s place.’
Vicky’s quiet voice reflected her thoughts. ‘He doesn’t know how wrong he is. No one could ever take the place of Barney.’
Her sorry eyes belied the bright smile on her face. ‘Ronnie will be back,’ she assured him. ‘He needs us, just like we need him, so let’s not worry too much, eh?’
As she walked away, the tears burned brightly in her sad eyes. In the curve of the lane she paused to look up at the skies; just then the clouds shifted and from somewhere deep in the Heavens, the sky was lit with a warm glow. ‘Help him, Barney,’ she pleaded. ‘He’s so bitter and unhappy, and he won’t let any of us near. He’s your son, my darling, and he’s in turmoil. Help him, please.’
After a while she blinked back the tears and walked on.
She