The Broken Man. Josephine Cox
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Adam looked up.
‘I have an idea to pass the time.’ The child’s small, anxious face made Phil immensely sad. ‘Do you know what I was just thinking?’
‘No.’
‘Well, I was thinking how you and me could say a little prayer for your mum. What d’you think?’
‘Oh, yes, please, Phil, I’d like that.’ The tears brimmed over. ‘Do you think it might help Mum to get better? I so much want her to come home. She will, won’t she, Phil?’ Throwing his arms round Phil’s neck, he hugged him so hard that Phil found it difficult to breathe.
Phil held him at arm’s length. ‘Listen to me, Adam. Even if we say a prayer it doesn’t mean that everything will come right. It doesn’t always work like that. All I’m saying is, at certain bad times in my own life, I’ve always found a deal of comfort in saying a little prayer; hoping that somebody up there in the Heavens might be listening, and that somehow they would try and help. The thing is, sometimes, however much they might want to help, they just can’t do it, and we will never know the reason for that. D’you understand what I’m saying?’
‘If you said a prayer, why did they not help you?’
Phil took a deep breath. ‘Well, it seems they weren’t able to give what I really asked for, but they did help me … a little.’
‘In what way?’
Phil was beginning to wish he had never started this, because the painful memories were flooding back. ‘Well, you see, when my dear wife was very ill, I prayed for the Lord to make her better …’ Composing himself, he went on in subdued tones: ‘Sadly, my prayers were not answered, because that was not to be. Thankfully, though, they did stop her pain and I was grateful for that. Maybe she had to leave me, because she had important work to do in Heaven. Maybe someone up there needed her far more than I did.’ Though he could not imagine how that might be, because for almost thirty years she was his world. His reason for living.
And now he had to stop tormenting himself, or the boy would see him cry and that would never do.
Adam’s angry voice penetrated his thoughts: ‘So, you said a prayer and asked for her to get better, then she died and you were sad. I think that was cruel.’
Phil nodded. ‘It was cruel for me, yes, because I miss her every waking moment. But in a way, it was not too cruel for her, because you see, she was no longer in pain. Maybe she would never have got better, and that was why the Good Lord stopped her suffering. Yes, you’re right in one way, because she was taken away from me, and I miss her. But I have so many wonderful memories to keep me warm.’
‘You loved her very much, didn’t you, Phil?’
Phil simply nodded.
‘Did you love her as much as I love my mum?’
‘Oh, yes. I’m sure I did. Y’see, we were together for a very long time.’
‘So, did she say a prayer as well?’
‘Well, I don’t know for sure, because if she did send up a prayer, she never told me. Maybe her pain was so bad, she prayed for it to be gone, and in their wisdom, and because it was her that was in pain and not me, they decided to grant her wish instead of mine. That’s fair enough … don’t you think?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Me neither, son, but we have to believe it was the only way.’
His life was not the same since losing his one and only love, and as long as he lived, it would never be the same again. Like it or not, he had to accept the situation.
He returned to his question: ‘So, knowing that you can’t always have your wish granted, do you still want us to say a little prayer for your mum?’
The boy smiled through his tears. ‘Yes, but I only know the one that Mum used to say before I went to sleep.’
‘Right, then!’ Phil was glad to have diverted the boy’s attention. ‘Only you’ll need to tell me what it is.’
Adam remembered it well. ‘When I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep …’
‘Ah, yes, that’s a good prayer. I like that. We’ll say it together … quietly.’
As they shared the prayer, they had no idea that someone else was listening. Someone who had also heard every word of their conversation.
An auxilary nurse had stopped to stack the linen cupboard next to the visitors’ room where Phil and Adam were quietly talking. The dividing wall was thin and she had innocently overheard every word of their intimate conversation.
Some of what she had overheard was shocking, especially regarding the father. Then the fact that the boy had no relatives, except a brutal father who had left the mother battered … seemingly to within an inch of her life. Unbelievably, after the event, he had callously abandoned his son to whatever fate awaited him; knowing he had no one to turn to.
Having been made aware of this important information, which she suspected may not have been made available to the duty nurse, she was unsure of what to do. Eventually, torn between compassion and her sworn responsibility, she concluded that there was really no choice at all. She softly closed the wide cupboard doors and made her way down the corridor at a smart pace. In view of Mrs Carter’s life-threatening injuries, she realised there was not a moment to lose.
As the auxilary nurse arrived at the door of the main office, the matron entered the room where Phil and Adam were impatiently waiting for news.
‘How is she?’ Phil enquired.
‘She’s out of surgery,’ the matron said. ‘Mr Hendon is a very reputable surgeon. I can assure you no one could have done better. He will answer all your questions, I’m sure, but for the moment he’s been called away to advise on another emergency. He needs to speak with you, and of course he’s aware you will have questions, so I’m sure he won’t be too long.’
‘Where’s my mum? Can I see her? Can she talk to me?’ Anxious for information, Adam pushed between the matron and Phil, his questions coming thick and fast. ‘Please, Nurse, can I just see her? Is she awake?’
In a reassuring manner, the matron informed him, ‘Your mother is out of surgery and in the recovery room. She’s tired and a bit groggy, which is understandable. A moment ago she opened her eyes and asked for you, so I do believe it would do her a world of good to see you. But you must not excite her, and you can only stay for a minute or two.’
Looking up at Phil, she explained, ‘She desperately needs to rest, but as she’s so very anxious to see her son, the surgeon has agreed for you both to visit, with myself in attendance.’ She lowered her voice. ‘You understand, she is not long out of major surgery. So when the nurse beckons you away, you will be expected to leave immediately.’
Nervously, Phil dared to ask, ‘But she did come through the surgery well, didn’t she?’
The matron glanced again at the boy, then she gave Phil an aside look that made his heart sink; for it seemed to warn him that things had not gone as well as they had hoped. ‘Like I say, the surgeon will speak with you presently.’
As she turned to leave, the door opened and the surgeon walked in.
A man of impressive stature and authority, he greeted Phil and Adam with a warm, sincere smile. ‘I’m sorry to have kept you both waiting, but I was called away.’
Phil’s questions were direct: ‘How is she … really? Are you concerned, or did it all go as well as you would have liked?’
Aware that Adam was also awaiting his answer, the surgeon chose his words carefully. ‘As you must understand, there were major injuries to deal with, and yes, of course there were some very worrying moments,