His Answered Prayer. Lois Richer
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go that route again. Instead she cut to the truth of the matter.
“You’re not in love with me, Gabe. You never were.” She stated the facts baldly, ensuring that he knew she’d accepted the truth about their relationship.
“Wasn’t I?” He shook his head, his eyes hooded, shading his thoughts. “I don’t know what love is. I was infatuated with you, that’s for sure. For a while you made me believe things I’d never thought possible, sort of like a Tinkerbell in disguise.” He grimaced at those words and tried again.
“I mean, well, I guess I felt more alive when you came into my life. I haven’t felt that in a long time, Blair.”
It was an honest admission that she hadn’t expected. But she couldn’t allow it to sway her. Not now, not with Daniel to think about.
“That’s nice of you to say, Gabe. But I don’t want to base my son’s future, my future, on something you might have felt a long time ago. It wouldn’t be practical.”
He leaned back, his mouth tipped in a frown as he studied her. “When did you become so practical?”
She smiled, letting the sarcasm tinge her words. “A little over six years ago,” she murmured, then felt ashamed as a flush covered his cheekbones. “I’ve had to be practical. Otherwise my family and I wouldn’t have survived.”
Gabe jumped to his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets and strode across the room and back. He stopped right beside her.
“Look, I know I messed up. I was a jerk, an idiot, a creep. You can call me whatever you want and feel totally justified. But I didn’t know about Daniel! Now that I do, I want to try to make things right.”
Blair sighed, more weary than she’d been in months.
“You couldn’t just jet back to L.A., back to your company and your life there? You couldn’t just forget about him?” She breathed out the wish with a hope and a prayer, knowing as she did that it was futile.
Silence reigned. She glanced up curiously and found him staring at her, his jaw clenched, his eyes roiling with anger.
“Could you do that? I’m not my father, Blair. I’m not going to ignore my son, dump him in his room and forget him there. I know firsthand what that kind of life is like.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.
Gabriel Sloan had never shared his past with her, never allowed her to see into his childish hurts and disappointments. Oh, she’d had a few hints here and there, had known his adolescence had been less than perfect.
But this sounded like abandonment. Was that why he was so anxious to build a relationship with Daniel?
“I can’t see how it would work.” She fiddled with the pens jammed into the tin-can penholder Daniel had given her last Christmas. “I have to take care of my grandfather and my great-aunt. I can’t just leave them to fend for themselves. They’re old, they need me. Albert, too.”
“So we’ll include them.” Gabriel’s simple statement shocked her into silence. “It could work, I know it could. We’ll make the house bigger, include a place for them in our family. I’ve never had a grandfather or any aunts.”
“Gabriel, you’ve always lived alone. You don’t know what it’s like to have people around you all the time.” Blair almost laughed at the idea of it. “Daniel isn’t going to go away just because you’re thinking up a new computer gizmo. He’s a child. When he wants attention, he wants it now.”
A thousand problems filled her mind, and yet she didn’t voice them. She couldn’t. Not when she saw the shimmer of hope that transformed his face into boyish eagerness.
“I’m not involved with any project. I hire people for that. Polytech almost runs itself now. Besides, that guy, Albert, is working on this neat idea. I checked it out yesterday. It sounds crazy, but I have a hunch….” Gabe’s thumb rubbed his chin, his mind consumed with a new problem.
Blair smiled, remembering the habit from the old days. How many times had he taken her for dinner and started talking about his work, only to end up scratching diagrams on napkins and completely forgetting his surroundings?
“Gabe?” He turned from his perusal out her window, his eyes far away. “This is exactly what I mean. Just when you’re in the middle of something, Daniel will come and ask you to play. Or Mac will need help with something. Or Willie will burst into your room and relay some insight that sends everything else out of your brain. This isn’t your L.A. condo. You won’t be able to get into your jet and take off to some spa in the valley whenever you want. Parenthood is a full-time occupation.”
He smiled, a huge, ear-splitting grin that begged her to share his exhilaration. “I know I’ll have to make some adjustments.” He rubbed his palms together as if he could hardly wait. “But I’ll get used to it.”
Blair scrambled for another route to dissuade him, frantically searching her brain. It was obvious Gabe was considering the idea of a family. She’d never have guessed that, and the knowledge made her question what other facets she’d missed in this complicated man.
“What would you expect from me? I mean, I’ve never been married, but I know I don’t want to do it more than once. I couldn’t do that to Daniel.” She risked a glimpse at his face. “After all, we’re not in love or anything. It wouldn’t be the usual marriage.”
Blair rearranged the items on the top of her desk again, her mind veering from the question she most wanted to ask.
“Blair?” He stood beside the desk, his hand stretched toward her. “Stop babbling and come here.”
Blair looked at the floor, at her scuffed boots, at the messy desk, at her ragged fingernails. She looked everywhere she could until, finally, she looked at him. Then she slipped her hand into his and allowed him to draw her near him. Gabe’s other hand clasped hers as he looked deeply into her eyes.
“It’s not just Daniel I want,” he murmured, his voice rippling over her taut nerves. “I think…I want all of it.” He swallowed hard, his chest bulging as he took a deep breath.
“All of what?” She couldn’t believe she was hearing this.
“I’d like the chance to find out what being a family means. I’m thirty-five, Blair. I know for sure what I don’t want, and I think I know what I want. I’m willing—no, excited about making us into a family, including your grandfather, your aunt, even Albert. The more the merrier, as far as I’m concerned. I never had that, and I’d like to experience it. I’d like to prove that I’m not the selfish, egocentric swine my father was.”
“But—” His fingers brushed over her lips, and Blair immediately ceased speaking. This was important. She had to hear what he was about to say. His voice was faint, hesitant.
“You have to understand something. I don’t need anyone, Blair. I can go on with my life the way it was, and I’ll be just fine. I could give you money, support you and Daniel, and you’d probably do a bang-up job of raising him.” He made a sad little face. “But I don’t want to do that. It would be like walking away, wimping out when I know I owe you both more than that.”
He shifted, raked a hand through his shorn hair. Clearly the words made him nervous.
“I don’t understand this family thing you’ve got going here. It’s not part of my experience. You say I’ve missed out, that I don’t understand. I’d like to. I’d like to be the kind of man your grandfather is. I’d like to have Daniel look at me the way he looks at Mac—as if the sun rises and sets on his shoulders.” His hands gripped hers.
“It’s hard to explain, but I’d like to give the boy the things a father should, even though I don’t know what those are. I want to be there to see him grow up and explore his world.” His fingers tightened. “I’m not stupid. I can learn how to be a father. Maybe Mac will even help me.