One Tiny Miracle.... Carol Marinelli
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married.’ She opened her eyes then and closed them—and even in that teeny space of time she saw it pass over his features. That moment where you were judged, where opinions were cast, where assumptions were made. ‘I didn’t know that he was, not that that changes anything.’
‘Did you go out for long?’ he wanted to know.
‘Three months.’ Celeste sniffed. ‘He was my first real…I just believed him. I mean, I knew why we didn’t go out much, and why we couldn’t go to each other’s homes…’
‘Sorry?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she muttered.
‘So where did you go out?’
‘For drives, for dinner, to a hotel sometimes…’ She gazed up into his clear green eyes. ‘He’s a bit older than me, quite a bit older actually,’ Celeste said, and then she was silent for a while.
Rightly or wrongly, he did judge—he tried not to, but he did.
Why didn’t people think? Why were people so careless?
And now there was this baby…
He closed his eyes and thought of Jennifer—of the plans they had put in place, how much they had wanted a baby, and though he didn’t say a word, she could feel his disapproval.
‘So you’ve never made a mistake?’ she said defensively.
‘I’ve made plenty,’ he admitted.
‘But no affairs, nothing you regret.’
‘Oh, there’s a lot that I regret,’ Ben said.
‘You’re single, divorced…?’ It sounded like the questionnaire on Belinda’s dating site, and he winced inwardly.
‘Widowed,’ he said, and it was her turn to judge, Ben knew—he had been through it many times before.
‘Do you miss her a lot?’ she asked gently.
‘Yep,’ Ben admitted, and that was enough. He ran some sand through his hands, concentrated on the little grains instead of himself then glanced at his watch. ‘The power must be back on by now.’
‘So what if it is?’ Celeste smiled. ‘I’m enjoying talking—you were saying how much you miss her?’
God, she was persistent. Really, he should stand up and leave, but she’d said so much about herself and, picking up another handful of sand, he let it run through his closed fist, and admitted some of his truth. ‘I miss it for Jennifer too.’ Her silence was patient. ‘She loved living.’ He looked out to the water and could almost see her, blonde ponytail flying as she jogged. ‘She’d be out there running or swimming now—cramming some exercise in after work.’
‘Was she fit?’
‘Very.’ Ben nodded, but there was this savage rip of thought there because, despite doing everything right, despite her healthy lifestyle, it hadn’t counted for anything in the end.
‘What did she do?’
‘She was a doctor as well—in Emergency.’
‘What happened?’ Celeste asked, but Ben shook his head, not willing to go there. ‘Come on.’ It really was time to go now, and not just because he didn’t want to talk about it. He was doing her a favour. A woman in Celeste’s condition really didn’t need to hear about how Jen had died. So he held her hands and heaved her up and they walked back slowly, idly chatting about not very much at all, till Celeste wormed her way back in again.
‘Have you dated again—I mean since…?’
‘She died three, nearly four years ago,’ Ben said, answering the unspoken question.
‘Oh.’
‘A bit.’ He gave a shrug. ‘Though it was probably too soon.’
‘Are you still comparing them to her?’ Celeste asked, boldly striding in where no one else really dared to go, but Ben just ignored her question and, glad of the diversion, opened the gates to the units, but Celeste stood patiently waiting.
‘Are you?’ she asked.
‘Sorry?’
‘Comparing them?’
She was a persistent little thing, like a little woodpecker, peck, peck pecking away—
‘I used to,’ Ben admitted. ‘But not now—that’s not fair on anyone.’
‘Especially as she sounds like Superwoman,’ Celeste grumbled, and her response was so refreshing Ben actually smiled. ‘So,’ she pushed, ‘are you ready now?’
‘Perhaps, though not anything serious.’
‘Ooh, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of takers.’ Celeste grinned. After all, she’d heard the giggles and gossip in the staffroom—Ben could take his pick!
‘What about you?’ They were sitting on her steps now, the conversation, and the friendship, too new, too fragile to snap it by asking him in. And anyway the power was still off, so they sat on the steps and got to know each other just a little bit better.
‘I’m hardly in a position to date.’ Celeste rolled her eyes. ‘Can you imagine me out clubbing?’
‘I guess not!’
‘And I’m still in that “all men are snakes” place.’
‘It’s probably a very wise place to be right now,’ Ben agreed. ‘I’ve been a bit of a snake myself lately.’
‘Do tell!’ She did make him laugh, she was so eager for gossip, and so easy to talk to, that somehow he did.
‘I went out with someone for a while—she was great, but even though I told her from the start—’
‘She didn’t listen?’ she finished for him.
‘She did at first, said she wanted the same thing—then, well, it got a bit more serious. She started to hint at wanting different things.’ He looked into her smiling amber eyes. ‘Like moving in.’
‘Not for you?’ she said wisely.
‘Maybe one day, but she also started talking about children. And one thing I do know is that I don’t want kids.’
‘Never?’
‘Never,’ he said emphatically.
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