The Daddy Dilemma. Karen Smith Rose
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to see it.”
“So I can take a mental picture of where he sleeps home with me?”
“Something like that.”
When Nathan turned toward her, their gazes met, and she almost felt as if the kitchen tilted a little. That was ridiculous. She was just hyperstimulated from meeting Kyle, from holding her own with Nathan, from wanting to remember every minute so she could treasure each one in her heart always.
“Sara, come on!” Kyle’s voice was enthusiastically shrill. “I want to show you my arrowheads.”
Breaking eye contact with Nathan, quickly gaining her equilibrium again, she hurried down the hall to Kyle’s room, knowing her time with him was limited.
* * *
Forty-five minutes later, Nathan impatiently checked his watch. He’d expected Kyle to be bored with Sara, or Sara to be bored with Kyle. He’d peeked into the room twice. The first time they were playing Candy Land. Sara had been seated cross-legged on Kyle’s bed, while Kyle knelt on the floor beside it, all rapt attention as they moved their board markers according to the colors on the cards they chose. The second time he’d checked on them, he’d been surprised to see Sara on the floor. Apparently Kyle had gone through his toy chest, showing her this and that. She’d fitted his monkey puppet onto her hand and was talking in a high voice, making his son laugh.
They were getting along too well. She was bonding with Kyle. If Nathan didn’t put a stop to this now, she’d want to come back. He couldn’t allow that.
This time when Nathan appeared in the doorway, she was sitting on the bed again, reading Kyle a story. Her melodic voice lifted and fell, and Nathan felt almost as mesmerized as his son.
That was ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as the awareness he felt every time Sara got within two feet of him. He was on pins and needles, wishing her out of his house. That was all.
The story Sara was reading Kyle wasn’t one of his usual favorites. It was The Velveteen Rabbit. Nathan had always considered the book too advanced for his son, but now he could see Kyle was enraptured by it—a story about a bunny loved so much it became real. Had Nathan also not pulled out that book to read at night because it would encourage his son to believe in the impossible?
The book finished, Sara closed it and saw him standing in the doorway. An expression so sad came over her face that Nathan actually felt sorry for her. Then he steeled himself against the emotion…against the compassion that would ruin what he’d built for himself and Kyle.
Colleen’s pictures sat on Kyle’s nightstand. What would she think about all this?
He pushed away that fanciful thought. “It’s time for Sara to go now.”
“Aw, Dad. Does she haf to?”
Although Sara looked as if she wanted to protest, too, she sat up straight. “I do have to go, Kyle. But it was a real treat visiting with you.”
“Can you come back?”
Nathan rubbed his forehead. This was exactly what he’d been afraid of. “She’s returning to Minneapolis tomorrow, Kyle. That’s where she lives.”
Sara slid her legs over the side of the bed and for a moment didn’t move. Nathan wondered if she was fighting tears. He hoped not because he wouldn’t know how to deal with those.
When she stood, she faced Kyle again. “My life is in Minneapolis. Coming up here was like a dream I had once. Thank you for making it come true.”
Unexpectedly, Kyle raced around to her side of the bed and gave her a hug. “I want you to come back.”
She hugged him for a very long time, then finally let him go. “I wish I could. But sometimes we can’t have what we want.”
“While I walk Sara out, why don’t you draw a picture of everything you did so you can give it to Gramps?”
“I want to mail it to Sara.”
Nathan relented so the argument wouldn’t continue. “All right, you can do that. Go ahead and get started.”
Kyle gave Sara an unhappy little wave, then went over to the small table and chairs where coloring books, art paper and crayons were stacked. As he sat, he looked over his shoulder.
Nathan put his hand at the small of Sara’s back and guided her out of the room. Was she trembling? Could leaving Kyle affect her this much? They didn’t even know for sure if Kyle was her son. From what he understood, mix-ups happened in fertility clinics.
She stood silent as he pulled her jacket from the closet and handed it to her. She took it and he saw her eyes were shiny. Yet her voice was steady when she said, “Thank you for letting me meet him. I wish…” She shook her head. “You know what I wish.”
“He might not even be your son.”
“He’s my son. He has my eyes.”
Nathan couldn’t dispute that because he saw it, too.
She crossed to the door and put her hand on the knob. “I gave you my word I’d go back to Minneapolis, and that’s what I’m going to do. But if you ever change your mind about Kyle needing a mother, and if you want to find out for sure if I am or not, that’s where I’ll be.”
As Sara left, Nathan watched her through the window. She practically ran down the walk.
She said she’d keep her word. But as he listened to her start her car, as he watched her drive away, he felt a lead weight in his chest.
If she didn’t keep her word, what was he going to do?
Chapter Two
As Nathan ushered Kyle into the children’s clothing store, he hoped Thanksgiving would return his son to his normal happy, active self. He’d been unusually quiet since Sara Hobart’s visit.
“Boys jeans are over there.” Nathan pointed to a table in the rear of the store. With winter coming on, he had realized his son had outgrown everything, from his jeans to his cold weather gear. Heavier snow was predicted for next week, over the holiday.
Kyle headed toward the back of the store with no enthusiasm at all.
Nathan knew his son hated trying on clothes. Like father, like son.
But he realized there was more to the boy’s mood than an aversion to shopping for clothes. For the past week, Kyle had smiled less and seemed much too pensive. Why? Because he’d liked Sara and wanted her to visit again? Because he missed that kind of nurturing female presence in his life? Nathan had let Kyle mail her the drawings he’d made. Since then Kyle had watched the mail, as if he’d expected something from her in return. Nothing had arrived. Nathan guessed Sara believed he preferred she remain silent.
Over the weekend Nathan had arranged a play day with Bill Norris, a divorced dad with a six-year-old son, who attended the same church they did. Kyle had seemed to enjoy the company Saturday afternoon. Afterward, however, he’d become introspective again. Nathan had asked Kyle if something was wrong. So had his dad, as well as Val. But Kyle had just shrugged and clammed up.
As they stopped in front of the table stacked with jeans now, Nathan laid out three pairs in Kyle’s size for his son to examine. “Uncle Ben said he’s bringing you a surprise when he comes next Wednesday.”
“Do you know what it is?” Kyle asked, looking interested.
“Nope. I have no idea.”
“Is he staying lots of days?”
“Two or three.”
“That’s okay,” Kyle replied with a grin.
Nathan was relieved to see that happy spark back in his son’s eyes. He pointed to the jeans one size up from the short ones Kyle wore now. “Why don’t you pick the pair you like the best. I’ll check out the coats.”