The Soldier's Homecoming. DONNA ALWARD
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don’t have any desire to traumatize her, Shannyn.” His jaw softened slightly. “I’m not in the habit of terrorizing children.”
“Of course not.” She dropped her eyes. After the initial blowout, he was suddenly being remarkably reasonable. Appealing to him from Emma’s point of view had been the right course. He was exerting his rights, but at least he wasn’t blind to how this would affect Emma.
“You have the weekend.” He straightened, putting his weight equally on his feet once more. “I’ll be in touch Monday, and we’ll talk then about how to move forward.”
She met his gaze again and clenched her fingers. He was making it sound like a business transaction, or an assignment.
“For someone who says I can handle this how I want, you’re being awfully dictatorial. It’s not some battle plan you’ve concocted.”
“I just want to make sure you don’t drag this out. It’s been six years. I think I have a right to have doubts about your…expediency.”
Shannyn felt as if they were right back to the beginning of the argument again, and she didn’t want to rehash everything that had been said—and unsaid.
“Fine. But just so you know,” she lifted her chin, “bossing me around really isn’t going to help your case any.”
Jonas stared down into her eyes, and she struggled not to feel intimidated. In front of her now was a man accustomed to getting what he wanted. One who gave orders and had them followed. One way or another. But she was going to do this on her terms. It didn’t matter what it took, she’d go toe-to-toe with him, for Emma’s sake. Protecting herself right now came second to making sure Emma remained unhurt through everything.
She got the feeling the battle was going to be draining. In more ways than one.
“The weekend, Shannyn.” The words were softly spoken, but she was left in no doubt of the ultimatum they contained. “I’ll be in touch on Monday.”
He spun on his heel and walked away, his gait lopsided from his injury.
Shannyn went back to the bench and sat down heavily. How on earth was she going to find the words to tell her baby that she had a daddy after all?
She chose the backyard because that was the place Emma was most comfortable and happy. They didn’t have a huge yard, but what they did have was lush with green grass and a perfect place to play. A white fence separated them from the neighbours, and in one corner Shannyn had put a small flower bed and herb garden, as well as Emma’s outdoor toys.
Today Shannyn felt the need to be outside in the fresh air, not cooped up in a room where she found it hard to breathe. Every time she thought of what she’d say to Emma, her heart faltered. In her mind she’d gone over and over the questions Emma might have, and how she’d answer them so a five-year-old would understand. She’d thought about it so much that here it was Sunday afternoon and still she hadn’t done it.
But Jonas would call tomorrow. She was sure of it. And if she hadn’t told Emma by the time he did, she knew Jonas would make things very difficult.
“Honey, you want a Popsicle?” Shannyn called out to Emma who was pumping her legs and swinging on the secondhand swing set Shannyn had bought at a yard sale last spring.
“Okay.” The legs stopped pumping, and the swing slowed until Emma popped off and landed on the grass.
It felt more like August than June today. Mellow warmth soaked through Shannyn’s T-shirt and heated her legs. It was the kind of day that made her wish she were out boating on the river, or lying on the beach at the lake. For a minute she got caught in memories of Jonas, a Jonas who was less jaded and more carefree, squidging his toes in the sand at the beach as she lay in his arms.
But reality was that she was supposed to be having a life-altering discussion with her baby, who wasn’t so much of a baby anymore.
She handed over the Popsicle and patted the seat of the picnic table.
Emma hopped up and Shannyn smiled down on her dark head as she licked the Popsicle. Everything she’d done in these past years had been for Emma. To give her the kind of life every child deserved. One filled with love and fun and, most of all, stability. Different from the one she’d had. Her number-one priority had been to protect Emma. To do what she thought was best. Now she had to undo everything with a simple conversation. Turn her little girl’s life upside down.
How did she even begin?
She hadn’t said anything at all until Emma started preschool and began noticing her friends had mommies and daddies. Or that they lived with their mommy and saw their daddies on weekends. When the question arose, she had given Emma the short version. That her daddy didn’t know that she was born and that Shannyn didn’t know where he was right now. And then she’d reinforced how happy and good their life was. It had never been her intention that Emma would find her life lacking in any way. And Emma had accepted her answers like any young child would. With trust.
How could she now explain that her father was here and wanted to see her? In her heart, Shannyn knew he would leave again. Maybe not next week or next month, but eventually he would leave and Emma would be fatherless again. How was that fair? She put her hand on Emma’s curls, feeling the warmth radiating from her scalp. Every single decision she had made had been to protect Emma from upheaval.
“Mama? Can I play on the slide now?”
Shannyn looked into her daughter’s eyes. They were so like Jonas’s and since she’d seen him again they seemed even more so. Being with him, even through their arguments, only served to remind her how much she’d invested in him so long ago. And how much she’d invested in their daughter in the years since.
In the end she couldn’t give the words voice. “Yes, you go play, honey.” She took the empty Popsicle stick from Emma’s sticky hands and kissed her cheek. Emma went back to playing, and Shannyn watched from the table. And for the first time since she’d found out she was pregnant, she really had no idea what she was going to do.
“What time’s your lunch?”
Shannyn knew the voice even though the words were clipped and economical. He didn’t waste any time. Nine-fifteen and he was calling already.
“I get a break from twelve until one.”
“Meet me at the lighthouse at noon.”
“But, Jonas, I…”
She heard loud noises slamming in the background as he cut her off. “I’ve got to go now, but twelve o’clock at the lighthouse.” Shannyn heard a voice shout in the background before the line went dead.
Her hands trembled, not with fear but with anger. He said he was going to let her handle this, but all he did was make demands left and right. When to tell Emma. When to meet. She should ignore his latest order and stay right where she was. But that meant he might come to the office and confront her there, and a public scene was unacceptable for their clients. Damn him for putting her in such a position.
He was expecting her to tell him that Emma knew about him and plan the next step. It would have been easier to tell him over the phone rather than face-to-face. There was no way she could explain it so that he would understand, but she was going to have to try.
She was waiting outside the white-and-red structure, looking over the water when he stepped up behind her.
“We’re in for some showers.”
She turned and caught her breath.
He was wearing his trousers but his shirt was missing and he stood before her in an Army-issue T-shirt. And, oh, he filled out every cotton inch. Flat where everything should be flat, a wide chest and broad shoulders that led to arms with muscles that dipped and curved. His boots gave his six-foot-plus frame even more height. His size made him more attractive to her, not less.