Nothing Changes Love. JACQUELINE BAIRD
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any involvement with her, Lexi had a suspicion that it wasn’t for the want of trying by Lorraine...
Sitting at the dinner-table half an hour later with Jake and Lorraine was hardly a relaxing experience. Although Jake made a great effort to keep the conversation flowing, Lexi found it increasingly difficult to answer in anything but monosyllables, until the other two began discussing a Docklands development Jake was involved in, and Lexi was no longer required to speak at all.
Lorraine, as if forgetting Lexi’s presence altogether, became quite explicit. ‘Really, Jake, you have to decide if you want the deal and go for it. A conference call is not going to do the trick. You’ll have to be in London tomorrow at the latest.’
‘Not now, Lorraine.’ Jake said curtly, shooting the dark woman a warning glance, and, turning to Lexi, added, ‘I’m staying here. Don’t worry, darling.’
‘Please, Jake,’ Lexi pleaded softly, she could sense the undercurrent in the air there was something going on she knew nothing about, and right at the moment she did not care. ‘I’ll be OK with Meg, in fact I think I would like to be on my own for a while. If you’re needed in London I really think you should go.’
‘No way.’ He reached across the table and caught her small hand in his. ‘You need me.’
The tenderness in his gaze was almost Lexi’s undoing, her lips began to tremble but with a great effort of will she pulled her hand free. ‘I’d rather you went, honestly, Jake.’
‘That’s settled, then.’ Lorraine spoke up. ‘You’re being over-protective, Jake. I’ll get back to London after dinner and set up a meeting for tomorrow.’
Jake’s dark eyes caught Lexi’s, a query in their depths. ‘You’ve had a very traumatic emotional experience; you need my support.’
His support was a little late in coming, Lexi thought bitterly. He had barely mentioned their child. It had been a boy. Did Jake know that? She had no idea. The same as she had no idea what perverse sense of justice was motivating her angry resentment.
Lexi looked into her husband’s dark, serious face and wanted to reach out to him and beg him to stay, hold her, comfort her, but somewhere deep inside she felt an aching guilt. It was her fault she had lost their baby; she did not deserve the tender loving care in his eyes; she had failed him in the one thing a woman should give her husband, and, because of that, the very least she could do by recompense was not get in the way of his business. She glanced across at Lorraine and saw the impatience in the other woman’s eyes.
‘Really, Jake. Lexi has only had a miscarriage. It happens to women every day and they get over it. In fact, it might be a blessing in disguise. We are going to be frightfully busy over the next few months. You wouldn’t have much time for a child just now. Next year would be much better.’
Lexi couldn’t believe the insensitivity of Lorraine, but she did catch a glimpse of something that looked very much like relief in her husband’s eyes, just before he exploded.
‘For God’s sake, Lorraine. Keep your bloody opinions to yourself,’ Jake swore violently. ‘You might be a brilliant businesswoman, but in the feminine stakes we both know you’re a non-starter. Can’t you see you’re upsetting Lexi? How can you be so heartless? It was my child as well...’
‘Sorry-y.’ Lorraine drawled and, pushing back her chair left the table. ‘If I’m driving back to London tonight, I’d better get started. Give me a ring at home later and tell me what you decide.’ And she left the room.
Lexi, with head bowed, pushed the remains of her chicken chasseur around her plate, too choked to speak. She felt a hard hand curve around her shoulder and looked up. Jake had walked around behind her and was leaning over her.
‘I’m sorry, Lexi. Ignore Lorraine. She’s a great PA but home and family are of no importance to her. She doesn’t mean to be callous, she just doesn’t think unless it is business... Come on, I’ll take you back upstairs.
‘I can manage on my own.’
‘I know, darling, but indulge me, hmmm?’ And lifting her to her feet he swung her up into his strong arms, his deep blue eyes riveted on her own. ‘I don’t like feeling helpless, Lexi, and losing our baby has left me that way.’
She felt the tears fill her eyes. Jake was hurting just the same as her, and she made no demur when he carried her back to the bedroom.
Gently he let her slide down the long length of him, linking his arms behind her back and holding her steady against his hard body for a long moment. She let her head drop against his chest and felt the firm, steady beat of his heart beneath her cheek, and found it oddly reassuring.
‘I’ll always be here for you, Lexi, you know that, don’t you?’
She raised her face to his. ‘Yes. Yes, I know, but Lorraine is right. I’ll be fine; your business is important in London, please go.’ And, forcing a smile to her soft lips, she teased, ‘After all, you will only be a telephone call away, and surely British Telecom can get a single call right.’
‘Shhh, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.’ His dark head swooped and his firm lips covered hers in a gentle kiss. ‘Everything will work out,’ he murmured against her mouth. ‘But now get into bed, and rest. I’ll join you later.’
Lexi turned away and, slipping out of her clothes, she headed for the bathroom. Everything would work out. Jake had said so...but somehow, for the first time since her marriage, she wasn’t quite so sure.
A couple of hours later, Lexi woke from a light, troubled doze to the sight of Jake striding across the room from the bathroom, completely naked. Her violet eyes slid over his hard-muscled body almost with dislike. He was perfect, so alive, all virile male, but her son was dead and she felt a failure.
When he slid into bed beside her and drew her into his arms, she didn’t offer any resistance, needing his protective embrace, until she realised, with something very like disgust as he folded her into the heat of his body, a hard thigh over her slender limbs, that he was sexually aroused. She pushed him away with an angry snort. ‘My God, Jake. How can you?’
‘Hush, Lexi, I don’t want to do anything, just hold you, but you know you always have this effect on me. You don’t have to do anything: a look, a smile, you just have to be there and my body reacts...and it has been a few empty nights without you,’ he drawled softly, adding, ‘Just lie still and soon I’ll relax.’
She tilted her small head back and looked up into his shadowy features, barely visible in the moon’s silvery light beaming through the window. His dark eyes burned down into hers, a sensual, teasing gleam in their indigo depths. ‘Unless, of course, you want to help me relax,’ he murmured throatily, kissing her softly parted lips.
She knew exactly what he meant; until she had become pregnant they had enjoyed a full, totally erotic sensual relationship. He had taught her everything she knew about sex and also how to please him, but in the circumstances she found it distasteful, and, pushing herself out of his arms, she slid to the far side of the bed.
‘My God! Surely you can control your insatiable appetite for once? You disgust me.’ She felt the instant tension in his large body at her words but she didn’t care if she had hurt him. She was hurting too much herself.
‘I was only teasing, Lexi, trying to cheer you up. This is as hard for me as it is for you, darling, and I don’t know how to handle it.’
‘Try using the spare bedroom,’ she said curtly. ‘I need my sleep.’
‘Do you mean that?’ He sat up in bed, his hands grasping her slender shoulders and pinning her to the bed. ‘Is that really what you want? You know I’ll do anything to make it easier for you.’
It wasn’t what she wanted; she wanted to be held in his arms and sleep with her head on his chest, have him tell her how much he loved her, tell her it wasn’t her fault they had lost the baby, but she couldn’t say any of those things. Instead, in a small, tight