The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life. Unknown
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to Act, than Ability to perform. For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was offer'd to this Old Letcher, who being sensible that he could not expect a handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband, or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he dy'd, she wou'd have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she cou'd not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and they were married accordingly.
But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability; and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help.
There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies in such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young Lady, rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she soon found out the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon which the Bawd discourses her in this manner:
Madam
I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, to see so much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married, depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam, we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as it will, there's no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This, Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to the end of your Creation, if you don't find out ways to supply that defect and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under. I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and all he has to serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that compassion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too impotent to give you.
The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to Miscarry in the Attempts.
The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention'd the Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, she could not think it was any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie, leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of Argus, we'll deceive him.
The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion for her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by the door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert the measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself to the best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when he should see her.
The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him, and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to quench their mutual Flames.
But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he passed by at his Ladies Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd, he seem'd more fond and good humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie: Who the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his Business wou'd permit him.
He cou'd not have said any thing to's Wife that wou'd have pleas'd her better, and 'twas with some uneasiness that she conceal'd her Joy from being taken Notice of: However, that she might the better hide it, she told him she shou'd think each day a year till his return, and then she kist him with so much seeming Passion, that she was like to have spoil'd all, and had almost perswaded the old Gentleman to lay aside the thoughts of his pretended Journey.
The young Lady took care to acquaint the Bawd with these Good Tidings, who was very well pleas'd therewith: and promis'd to give notice to her Inamorato, who was equally pleas'd with the expectation he had of his near-approaching Felicity. And thus far things went according to their hearts desire.
The Day being come of the Old Gentlemans Departure, he got up very Early in the Morning and with all the (seemingly) most endeared Carresses on both sides, he took leave of his Lady. And having rid a Mile or two out of Town, to a Friend and Confident of his, he there left his Horses and Servants, and in the Evening return'd privately to his own House.
The Old Bawd having had word sent her by the Lady that her Husband was gone out of Town, acquaints the Gallant therewith and orders him in the Evening to be ready by such a time, and that he should Walk to and fro, before the Door, till such a time as he should be call'd in: Which he promis'd faithfully to do, and was at his Post accordingly.
The Lady had made all