e: A Novel. Matt Beaumont
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Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 9.17am
to… All Departments
cc…
re… a new face
I would like you all to join me in welcoming Katie Philpott, who joins us today as a trainee account executive. Katie will be working in Harriet Greenbaum’s group on Mako. She will add her spark and vivacity to an already lively team. Please give her the warmest of Miller Shanks welcomes.
Daniel Westbrooke
Head of Client Services
Rachel Stevenson – 3/1/00, 10.10am
to… All Departments
cc…
re… changes
Sadly, Fiona Craigie has decided to leave us and is no longer David Crutton’s PA. I am sure you will join me in wishing her well for the future. Lorraine Pallister will be temping until a permanent replacement arrives. Please make her welcome.
Rachel Stevenson
Personnel
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 10.14am
to… Creative Department
cc… David Crutton; Daniel Westbrooke
re… arses in gear
You will need no reminding of the Coke pitch. This is the big one.
Excalibur.
The Holy Grail.
Eldorado.
The Most Famous Brand in the World.
David Crutton and Dan Westbrooke will brief us at noon in the boardroom.
Be keen.
Be sharp.
Be clever.
Above all, be there.
Si
Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 10.18am
to… Simon Horne
cc…
re… arses in gear
Simon, I know this might be a silly little thing, so excuse my pedantry. I do not mind you calling me Dan in private, but to the great unwashed, please refer to me as Daniel. The diminutive sounds far too familiar and, as Head of Client Services, I find it pays to remain a little aloof from the rabble! See you at 12.00.
Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 10.22am
to… James Gregory
cc…
re… Katie Philpott
James, my duties as Head of Client Services mean that I am far too busy to bestow upon young Katie my traditional welcome of tea and muffins. Since you are the account manager with whom she will be working most closely, may I request that you take her under your wing and make sure that she is familiar with our ways? Suffice it to say that I would not wish a repeat of what happened with the last trainee.
Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 10.30am
to… Susi Judge-Davis
cc…
re… Coke
Susi, darling, be an absolute treasure and make sure all the creative teams are aware of the Coke briefing at 12.00. And get me a pot of decaffeinated and some of those itty-bitty cinnamon biscuits they have in the kitchen.
Susi Judge-Davis – 3/1/00, 10.31am
to… Simon Horne
cc…
re… Coke
Doing it right now, darling … Sx
3/1/00, 10.32am (12.32pm local)
cc…
re… your butt
We are loving your ironicalism. ‘Pathetic twat, van Helden’! There is nothing to beat English humours. Robin’s Nest, Love Thy Neighbour, Are You Being Severed?. We see them all on Satellite Golden Hits Station. However, we are not comprehending ‘gobshite’. It is in not one of our excellent dictionaries.
‘I’m free!’ – Pertti
Daniel Westbrooke – 3/1/00, 10.35am
to… Katie Philpott
cc…
re… bienvenue
Katie, profound apologies that I will be unable to sit down with you this morning. You have joined our happy family at the busiest time and I find myself caught up in getting the Coke pitch off to a roaring start. I am sure that you must feel a little dazzled by the glamour of it all, but you will find your feet in no time. I have attached a crib sheet that sets out the key roles in our agency. Previous neophytes have found it to be indispensable. Any questions, ask James Gregory, whom I have appointed your ‘big brother’.
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER – il maestro, le chef de cuisine, the head honcho and the person with whom the buck most certainly stops.
HEADS OF CLIENT SERVICES – the power behind the throne, if you will. Custodian of all the agency’s clients and responsible for the performance of everybody in the Account Management Department. A crucial part of his job is to approve every CREATIVE BRIEF before it goes to the Creative Department. These unassuming A4 sheets are the ‘sacred texts’ without which no piece of advertising can be conceived. It is fair to say that with such a spectrum of responsibilities, a head of client services must possess both fierce drive and a passionate vision.
ACCOUNT DIRECTOR – In charge of day-to-day running of one or more accounts; runs a team of account managers and executives; in turn reports to the Head of Client Services.
EXECUTIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR – if the Head of Client Services supplies the client with an expansive blank canvas, then the Creative Director applies those vivid splashes of cobalt, verditer and vermilion that bring his humdrum products so gloriously to life in the nation’s parlours.
THE CREATIVE TEAM – each comprises of a COPYWRITER and an ART DIRECTOR. The Creative Director allocates creative briefs to teams, and then nurtures from them their finest work.
James Gregory – 3/1/00, 10.36am
to… Katie Philpott
cc…
re… hello, new girl
Hi Katie. I’m James and I’ll be your account manager on Mako. Dan Westbrooke has asked me to keep a close eye on you. I’m up to my neck organising this afternoon’s Mako meeting (usual bloody panic), but I’ll clock in with you later. In the meantime, enjoy reading the attached. It was penned by some anon. copywriter and has been handed down through generations of trainees. It tells you all you need to know about how your typical agency works (or rather, doesn’t).