Chasing Harry Winston. Lauren Weisberger
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started? As neither of you has been shy about pointing out, I’m way, way behind,’ said Emmy.
Adriana reminded herself to play nicely. She clasped her hands together and said, ‘Okay, let’s do it. How many men are you thinking of this year?’
Leigh, desperate not to remind the girls that she hadn’t agreed to any changes, anxiously chimed in. ‘I think three sounds fair, don’t you guys?’
Adriana made a noise as though she were choking on her coffee. ‘Three? Please! That’s a good month, not a good year.’
‘For once, I’m going to agree,’ Emmy said. ‘With all the traveling I’m going to be doing, I don’t think three is realistic.’
‘So, what, are you going to screw a guy in every country you visit?’ Leigh laughed. ‘Like, “Here’s my passport and here’s my hotel key, come on in”?’
‘I was actually thinking more like a guy on every continent.’
‘Shut up!’ Leigh and Adriana said in tandem.
‘What? Is that sooo impossible to imagine?’
‘Yes.’ Leigh nodded.
‘Ridiculous,’ Adriana agreed.
‘Well, I’ve decided. One man for every continent I visit. Foreign, sexy men. The less American, the better. And no strings attached. No relationships, no emotional entanglements – just pure, unadulterated sex.’
Adriana whistled. ‘Querida! You’re making me blush!’
‘What about Antarctica?’ Leigh asked. ‘I don’t think Adi has managed to sleep with a guy from Antarctica.’
‘I thought of that. Antarctica does seem a little unrealistic. Which is why I think Alaska can count for Antarctica.’ Emmy pulled a crumpled paper from her messenger bag and smoothed it flat on the table.
‘Is that a chart? Please don’t tell me you made a chart.’ Adriana laughed.
‘I made a chart.’
Leigh looked toward the ceiling. ‘She made a chart.’
‘I’ve got it all figured out. Obviously, I already have North America, so that leaves six more. And, technically speaking, Mark – Otis’s daddy – was born in Moscow, so he really could count for Europe.’
‘I call bullshit on that,’ Leigh said. ‘It has to be within this year.’ The waitress frowned when she laid down their check.
‘Seconded,’ Adriana said. ‘We’ll give you America – North only – but Mark is a no-go. Why would you even want him to count for Europe? You’re going to Paris in a few weeks!’
Emmy nodded. ‘Fair enough. One down, six to go.’
‘What if you meet a Japanese guy in Greece, or an Australian in Thailand?’ Adriana asked, looking perplexed. ‘Do they count as Asia and Australia, or does the sex have to take place on the actual continent?’
Emmy’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of that.’
‘Let’s give the girl a break,’ Leigh said, looking to Adriana. ‘I think nationality or location should count. My god, it’s amazing enough that she’s even going to attempt this.’
‘I’m fine with that,’ Adriana agreed. ‘And in a demonstration of goodwill, I think you should have a free pass as well.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning that you should get to skip one continent. Otherwise, I think you’re just setting yourself up for failure.’
‘Which one?’ Emmy asked, appearing slightly relieved.
‘What if Swiss guys counted as a wild card?’ Leigh asked. ‘It’s a neutral country. I think if you sleep with a Swiss guy he can count for anywhere.’
The girls laughed and laughed, the kind of laughter that happens all too rarely after college.
Adriana pulled a blue tin tub from the front pocket of her yoga bag and rubbed a bit of clear salve on her lips, aware that both her friends and nearly every patron at every surrounding table appeared transfixed by her little ritual. It made her feel a little bit better. She’d had trouble ridding herself of the thoughts that had been plaguing her lately, namely that her looks wouldn’t last forever. She had known this intellectually, of course – the way a teenager knows death is inevitable – but she was completely unable to comprehend the reality. Her mother had been reminding her of this very fact since the day Adriana had, at the age of fourteen, agreed to two dates with two different boys on the same night. When asked which one she would choose to see that night, Adriana gazed at her still-beautiful mother with uncomprehending eyes.
‘Why would I break plans with either one, Mama?’ Adriana had asked. ‘There’s time enough for both of them.’
Her mother had smiled and cupped Adriana’s cheek in a cool, open palm. ‘Enjoy it now, querida. It will not be like this always.’
Of course she was right, but Adriana hadn’t counted on ‘always’ coming so soon. It was time to utilize her beauty for something more important than attracting a steady stream of lovers. Her pledge to find a boyfriend was a step in the right direction, but it wasn’t far-reaching enough.
With great flourish, Adriana held her left hand up and sighed dramatically. ‘Do you see this hand, girls?’ Both nodded. ‘By this time next year, there will be a diamond on it. An extraordinarily large diamond. I hereby declare that I will be engaged to the perfect man within twelve months.’
‘Adriana!’ Emmy shrieked. ‘You’re just trying to outdo me.’
Leigh choked on a piece of cantaloupe. ‘Engaged? To whom? Are you seeing someone?’
‘No, not currently. But Emmy’s commitment to making a change has inspired me. Plus, it’s time to face facts, girls. We are not getting any younger, and I think we can all acknowledge that there are only a limited number of rich, handsome, successful men between the ages of thirty and forty. If we don’t claim ours now’ – she cupped both hands around her firm breasts and pushed them upward – ‘then we may as well forget it.’
‘Well, thank god you figured it out,’ Emmy said with amusement. ‘I’ll just point to one of the dozens – no, hundreds – of successful, handsome, single men in their thirties I know and just make him mine. Yes, that’s the plan.’
Adriana smiled and tapped Emmy’s hand patronizingly. ‘Don’t forget rich, querida. Now, I’m not saying that’s what we all should be doing. Clearly, you need to play a bit first, and I think your little upcoming foray into promiscuity is just what the doctor ordered. But being that I’ve, well, forayed there already—’
‘If by forayed you mean “completely conquered,” then I guess I’d agree,’ Leigh added.
‘Laugh if you must,’ Adriana said, feeling slightly irritated that, as usual, she wasn’t being taken seriously. ‘But there’s nothing funny about a five-plus-carat round stone in a micropave setting from Harry Winston. Nothing funny at all.’
‘Yeah, but it’s pretty funny now,’ Emmy said while Leigh dissolved into laughter. ‘Adriana engaged? It’s impossible to imagine.’
‘No more impossible to imagine than the serial monogamist putting out for every foreign stranger who crosses her path,’ Adriana shot back.
Leigh wiped away a tear, taking care not to pull the delicate skin beneath her eye, skin that was probably already doomed anyway from her smoking days. She wasn’t sure if it was the endorphins from a particularly strenuous yoga class or the semi-dread of having dinner with Russell’s parents later that night, or just the desire to share in her friends’ fun, but before she could stop it – almost before she even knew it was happening – Leigh