Hot And Bothered Sex Series. Speedy Publishing
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or speed up. Watch for his reaction when you raise your hips, tighten or spread your legs, scratch his back or buttocks.
Talk
Talking about sexual desires can be difficult for many people. It's not a topic for polite conversation at the dinner table. But bed talk can be incredibly sexy. If this is hard for you, remember that if you want your partner to clue you in to his desires, have him take his cue from you. Be open about what you enjoy and what you don't. Just remember to be kind and express yourself in such a way as to build your lovers confidence while providing constructive feedback. This is love-making after-all, not a science experiment or business performance review. Ask your partner what they like, what they want to try. Try explicitly stating what you want to do to them and see if that is a turn on. And if not, stick with the moans and gasps as cues for what works well.
Watch
Ask your partner to do to themselves (if possible) what they would like you to do and watch. Be open to watching porn or at least some R-rated movies together. Just understand that visual turn-ons are a funny thing. Sometimes you are turned on by watching something you have no desire to do yourself. The voyeurism of the explicit sexuality is enough.
Try
Be willing to try new things. Sometimes this might mean new positions or types of sexual acts. Other times it might involve new places or new props or role-playing or people. Approach this with a sense of fun, just as you did as a child learning new games. Sexual desires are often piqued by trying new things and going to the edge of your comfort zone. What is often the most desirable is the forbidden. So don't be afraid to try some things that previously seemed naughty.
Retreat
If your partner is not comfortable with your attempts at exploration and understanding his desires, then it is OK to take a break and go back to previous comfort levels. It is also perfectly OK for you to set limits as to what you are willing to try or do. It is OK to say no. And there are some boundaries that should never be crossed. Do not take part of any sexual encounter where a participant is unable to fully, as an adult and without any inappropriate pressure, consent.
Variety
Many times sexual encounters are like a good song. It has an intro, repeating choruses, slower stanzas, rocking finales. The best songs change the tempo throughout the song - slow, faster, faster, slower, faster, faster, finale. Change the tempo of your lovemaking. Also, just as most people's musical tastes cover a variety of genres - rock, rap, classical - your sexual desires seek variety too. Sometimes you want the quickie - the passionate "I must have you right here right now or I will die" encounter. Other times it is the lazy, sweet and slow covering every inch of your body with kisses type of love-making you desire. Also, understand that sexual desires can change overtime. What turns us on easily at 16 years old might not do much for us at 46 years old.
Intimacy
Sexual desire is a mental thing as much as physical. True intimacy is much more than just sex, but can complement sex. Share your past. Be vulnerable and trust your partner. Create the sexy allure in all you do - not just in the bedroom. Appreciate the less sexual contact - the cuddles, hugs, hand-holds.
Passion
This should be fun and something that you enjoy. Show your partner that passion. He will feed off your attitude, your sexual appetite. If you show him he is the sexiest most desirable man in the world to you, he will feel like the sexiest man in the world. Knowing your partner desperately wants you is a major aphrodisiac.
Understand
When it comes to sexual desires, it's not always about you. Hormones, stress, medicines, illnesses, and brain trauma - they all affect our libidos. Our upbringings and cultural context have a huge effect on our sexual desires as well. Sometimes the strangest things will turn you on, filling you with shocking disgust. Not everything that is a sexual desire needs to be acted on or accepted. Sexual desire has a certain animalistic quality, whether coming from a desire to procreate or not. It is not always something we can control.
Patience
Take your time and enjoy the process of getting to know your partner's desires. Take a break if needed - absence makes the heart, (and other parts) grow fonder. Desires are a mysterious thing. They won't be fully understood overnight and they change. But they sure are fun to explore!
CHAPTER 3- DAY 2: HOW TO GET STARTED- THE BENEFITS OF CUDDLING
Cuddling is a very social act done by a lot of species, like monkeys and humans. It's not just a mammalian practice either. Cuddling can be seen in lizards, snakes, and birds, which all like to get together for a group hug. This instinctive practice is motivated in part by the release of hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. Both chemicals involved in mood, sex, childbirth, and social bonding. You can get a number of benefits from these chemicals and from the act of cuddling.
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
Cuddling seems like the opposite of what you want to do when feeling stressed or anxious. Yet, cuddling is perfect for helping to reduce this emotional and physical tension. The act of cuddling or even hugging another person helps release oxytocin, which is particularly good at relieving social anxiety. Oxytocin increases self-esteem, encourages trust, and makes you more optimistic.
Reduces Pain or Increases Pain Threshold
A good cuddle can also help ease pain. Studies have shown that high oxytocin levels, such as during labor, may increase pain threshold allowing women to better endure labor pains. It also seems to relieve pain in newborns and makes delivery less challenging for the baby. Oxytocin can potentially help with a variety of other kinds of pain from cramping to headaches. Oxytocin relieved lower back pain in both children and adults in another study. This may be in part due to oxytocin's anti-inflammatory properties, and its ability to suppress cortisol.
Lowers Blood Pressure
Research revealed that cuddling has a beneficial effect on your blood pressure too. Cuddling, hugging, and touching are all relaxing behaviors that slow the heart and lower blood pressure. The additional release of oxytocin from cuddling further lowers blood pressure by reducing stress and suppressing cortisol levels. Cortisol is a stress hormone that plays a role in the fight-or-flight response.
Makes You Happy
Cuddling just makes you happier. You get the benefits of increased oxytocin, which makes you more optimistic, trusting, and promotes better health. Cuddling can also release dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a role in mood. Other kinds of touch, such as massage, improve mood by relaxing tension and making you feel pampered.
It's a Diet Aid
Recent studies on obese mice suggest that oxytocin plays a role in metabolism. High doses of oxytocin given to these mice caused their weight to return to normal levels. The chemical infusions also reduced insulin resistance and glucose sensitivity. Increased levels of oxytocin helped prevent obesity in mice too. Plus, social support and dieting with another person is shown to increase the chances of successfully losing weight.
Reduces Inflammation
The act of cuddling has been shown to help reduce inflammation, again through the release of oxytocin. It is thought that the chemical suppresses inflammation causing cytokines in the body. A 2010 study found that oxytocin can ease gastrointestinal inflammation. This is immensely beneficial for those with food sensitivities and autoimmune disorders. It can even help gut motility by improving the efficiency of your bowels.
Encourages Healing
One really nifty benefit of cuddling is its ability to encourage