Stirring the Waters. Janell Moon
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had been in her. Yet she wanted us exposed to religion. My father believed in science. Occasionally, we went to a church my parents chose because it was considered intellectual rather than emotional. I enjoyed the church sanctuary, with its windows showing trees wearing their seasons, the white walls, the simple wooden cross, the vase of fresh lilies, but I put religion and God in a category for other people, not for me. The minister told stories that were too harsh. I remember thinking God was like the children on the playground who were punishing and mean.
“When so rich a harvest is before us, why do we not gather it? All is in our hands if we use it.”
—Elizabeth Ann Seton
Although I didn’t connect to a church, the experience initiated in me a sense of wonder. I wanted to feel more a part of things, or part of something that would help with the sense of separation I felt with my family. Going to church helped me become aware that connection to a god force was possible. It gave me the kernel of an idea that made me wonder how it could work for me. The deep sighing of my father in the middle of every sermon let me know that this gospel wasn’t written in stone. My father had lost patience with the harshness of the gospel. This sigh encouraged me to examine what was said.
Being exposed to church teachings and my father’s sighs gave me permission to wonder. It had never occurred to me that you could leave a question unanswered and that that could be all right. I was used to dealing with the linear ideal of a beginning, a middle, and an end. This openness to wonder pleased me greatly.
“God enters by a private door into every individual.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today we’ll begin to explore what makes us wonder, what brings us to the idea of possibility, of spirit.
Streaming
When writing about the inner world, about spirit, I find it useful to use a technique that I call streaming. Here’s how it works: You just start writing across the page. Keep going. Write your name if you don’t know what else to write. Continue without much thinking. Don’t stop. Make doodles to fill in the lines if you have nothing to say. Pay no attention to the inner critic questioning where this is leading. This is a time to just wonder. This is a time to be curious and explore. After several minutes of being “present” with your writing, you’ll find you’re in change of consciousness. In this more dreamlike state, you’ve really let go and are just writing. Keep going. After you’ve written for ten minutes, go back and underline insights and anything you’d like to continue at another time. In the exercises that follow, we’ll try out this technique. You may choose between these exercises or try all three.
“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”
—Joan Didion
Exercises
1. Use streaming to explore the experiences that held the seed of wondering for you. Write about how you felt as you opened to that sense of wonder and what this search could help heal for you.
2. Use streaming to explore what you may be wondering about today. Could spirit touch you? How would this make changes in your life? Write about the good, the difficult, the unknown.
3. To whom do you feel connected? Write down their names. To what do you feel connected? Write that down, too. Where don’t you feel connected? Use the technique of streaming to wonder why these connections are felt or not felt.
Day 2: Hope Holds the Opportunity
Remember the old-fashioned tradition of putting together a hope chest for marriage? Why shouldn’t we use that custom and put together a hope chest of things that help develop our awareness of connection to spirit and others: a journal, a candle, bath scents, a walking hat, a book of inspirational poetry, a book of art that lifts your spirit. Whatever helps you remember you are not alone. Whatever gives you hope.
Sometimes we know a spirit is hovering around us, but we don’t take time to develop the connection. A hope chest could remind us to take the time. Hope gets us started and motivates us. Hope is a habit. The more you allow yourself time to ponder and be still, the more you become able to feel the spirit that holds hope.
Sometimes we have been hurt so badly we can’t believe good things will ever happen. I knew an unemployed woman who had a great job lead but kept putting off making the phone call. Why did she do this? Why do any of us sabotage ourselves like this? Because we feel we need to save hope. We can’t afford to lose it. We forget that when we’re in touch with the spirit there is a replenishing of hope. We forget the saying “This, too, shall pass.” If only we could see the good in the most painful times and know that there are happy days ahead.
When we’re feeling that sense of hopelessness we can develop hope by writing about the good things that have happened to us. We can list our gratitudes. We can remember how it was before and how it is now. We can remember lessons learned from hard times and realize hope is there, that someone is watching out for us.
“To keep the lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it.”
—Mother Teresa
Listen! Shelter Surrounds You
You’ll find me in the wind, the seed,
in the elephant’s triumphant roar.
I am in the pearls of your elders,
the dirt on the far side of the moon,
the ice under the coats of Jupiter.
Naked person, listen to the hawk’s cry.
Didn’t you once see five hawks
careening against the dawn.
I have been humming and hammering
through the years you took to bed, in the moments
you let life fly from your hands
to live your life again, simple days
of cooking and dancing to the radio
What else is there really?
This is you. You can ride the pony
to enter your own life,
be buried in your own clothes.
Your flaws can be touched and loved.
Janell Moon
There are many ways to prepare yourself to write. One way is to be silent and let your attention focus on your body and your imagination. It’s a technique I call gazing into the waters.
Gazing into the Waters
1. Take several deep breaths into your “belly.” Pay attention to your breathing, in and out.
2. Focus on the top of your head and slowly shift your awareness down your body until you reach your toes.
3. Imagine yourself descending a stairway while counting from one to ten. Feel your body slowly stepping down. Imagine yourself arriving at an entryway and moving through it into a place you find calming, perhaps a quiet garden or sandy seashore. What surrounds you? Where do you sit? What do you see? Use your senses to sharpen this special place: sounds, fragrances, feelings, body sensations, something to touch, something that beckons. This is a place to use over and over until just the thought of it calms you. From this place you can explore anything.
“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”
—Barbara Kingsolver
Exercises
1. Write about your hopes for yourself, your family, and the world.
2. Using the technique gazing into