SPOUSE-TRAP Over 200 Questions to Ask Before Saying "I do". Irfan Alli
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SPOUSE-TRAP
Over 200 Questions to Ask Before Saying “I do”
by
Irfan Alli
Copyright © 2011 by Irfan Alli
All rights reserved.
CONTACT: Irfan Alli can be reached at [email protected]
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-0422-6
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
IN SPOUSE-TRAP YOU WILL LEARN:
•What marriage should do for you
•Four things to look for in a spouse
•How to make your marriage last
•How to clarify what you want
•Questions to ask on day to day living
•Questions to ask on hygiene and health
•Questions to ask on attitude and character
•What you need to find out about your in-laws
•Questions to ask on beliefs and religion
•What you need to find out about your fiancé’s friends
•About discussions you need to have on money
•About discussions you need to have on children
•About discussions you need to have on living arrangements
•What an ideal spouse should be like
Over 200 Questions to Ask Before Saying “I do”
IRFAN ALLI was the production manager of the Canadian branch of an international engineering company for over twenty-five years and now works as a property manager.
While pursuing his professional career, he spent the last three decades in community development in the areas of leadership, education, social work and publications.
His volunteer and professional work has taken him all across Canada, to U.S.A., Brazil, Hong Kong, Indonesia, South Korea, Japan, Guyana, Pakistan and India, Jordan and Saudi Arabia.
He has been married to his wife for more than thirty years and is the father of three girls, and a boy. His three daughters are married and he has a growing number of grand children. Irfan and his family live in Toronto, Canada.
In this book Irfan shares knowledge from his varied background and experiences to help you ensure your fiancé will make a great spouse.
Dedicated to my wife Rukhsana Khan with whom I have shared
over thirty wonderful years, and still counting.
INTRODUCTION
For June 13, 1998 David Weinlick booked a spot at the Mall of America for a wedding and said “I do” to a woman whom he’d never met, but whom his friends had chosen out of dozens of applicants and interviewed extensively. On Oprah’s last season she interviewed the Weinlicks to see if they were still married, after twelve years. Not only were they married, but they were happily married with four children.
Nobody’s suggesting you marry someone you’ve never seen, but the idea of asking your prospective spouse extensive questions before saying “I do” is a good idea and increases your chance at a successful marriage.
Marriage is supposed to be a relationship that brings great happiness, fulfillment, and peace of mind. No one wants to be part of a dysfunctional relationship or family. Unfortunately a successful marriage seems hard to come by these days. Approximately 50 percent end in divorce. And among the couples who remain together many endure emotional, mental or physical abuse for the sake of children.
Spouse-Trap can help you choose someone who will bring you happiness and peace of mind. It’s the outcome of being married to the same woman for the last thirty years, as well as advising others on what to look for in a spouse. It’s a systematic approach, and the layout is easy to follow. I’ll show you how to peel away the facade that many people come into a relationship with, so you come to know the core of the person you are considering for marriage.
We live in a society where people find their spouse in different ways. Some meet their spouse through school, work, friends or relatives. Others use dating services or the internet. All of us want a successful marriage, but many decide with only their hearts. It’s better to go into marriage with both your heart and mind satisfied that the marriage will last. The approach outlined in this book takes a look at both. You will learn how to properly screen a person before pursuing a relationship. The book outlines a step by step approach to ensure they’ll make a good spouse. It tells you what issues you should raise before marriage, gives you questions to ask, and reminds you that when you marry a person, you will be involved in all of their life including their family and friends.
If you go into marriage with your “eyes open” and your mind engaged, you stand a better chance of having a successful marriage. Doing so can also reduce the possibility of being emotionally or physically abused by your spouse. Investing time upfront to find out all you can about your fiancé and how they think, will save you grief later. By following the discussions, doing the exercises, making notes to yourself, and asking the questions raised in this book, you’ll be able to confidently decide to marry or walk away from a proposal.
Remember, marriage is the greatest investment in time, energy, money and emotions you will make. Ensure it will last. Here’s hoping you find a spouse who is trustworthy, and brings great joy and happiness to your life!
CHAPTER 1
WHAT SHOULD MARRIAGE DO FOR YOU?
Before discussing what to look for in Mr./Ms. Right it is important that you know what a good marriage does, and what you want marriage to bring you. Start by listing ten things you hope marriage will do for you.
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Keeping the above expectations in mind, let me share some ways in which marriage has benefited me as well as others who have confided in me.
Greater purpose and meaning to life:
For those who live alone, the world can be a lonely place. Such people often wonder what they accomplished at the end of their life. A successful marriage, with a spouse and children to share the journey, has a way of giving life greater meaning and a deeper purpose. In the process it increases your sense of responsibility and can motivate you to make greater efforts to improve yourself in all areas of your life. Will the marriage you are considering give greater purpose and meaning to your life?
Peace of mind and happiness:
If you’re fortunate to have a good mate your happiness and peace of mind increases. In seeking a spouse, this must be one of your objectives. Don’t ever marry someone you have trouble trusting, or you think might one day cheat on you. To get married and be more