Mental Masturbation - Top Ten Reasons Why The French Are THE Chosen Human Beings

      I often think the French are THE chosen Human Beings.

      Let’s consider some facts.

      1. Their country is rich with virtually everything a society requires to survive, nay, live well, including fruits, vegetables, fish/seafood, beef, chicken, pork, dog biscuits….and truckers who only strike two times per year!

      2. Their perfumes and colognes are the envy of all and allows them to bathe only once or twice per week and still smell better than the average Brit…or Beagle!

      3. Their language is so beautiful that even big, fat, French rugby players with broken noses and disfigured ears sound sexy when they speak. Ugly, but luvly…even for Beagles.

      4. They were blessed with terroir that allows them to sit back as Mother Nature pumps out some of the best - in many cases the best - wine in the world. The Noble Grape is their birthright! I like Puligny-Montrachet, 1er Cru, any producer, and I think it should be every Beagles’ tipple.

      5. Their cuisine is renowned globally as the best (and with many a convincing reason), thus allowing them to create a little red book adorned with a funny looking character constructed by mini-tires that many consider to be THE guide to the best restaurants on the planet. I love croque monsieur because it is tres yummy!

      6. They make the best cheese, and they know how to take it to a new level with the god-like gifts of the “affineur”. Comte 36 months is this Beagle’s favourite!

      7. They make the best bread, whether a croissant for breakfast, lunch or dinner…not to mention the baguette if for some reason you get bored of the croissant. This Beagle could eat Joel Robuchon’s bread every meal, every day!

      8. They eat their cheese and bread lathered with a glass or three of wine every day and still rank far down on the list of countries with Human Beings suffering from high cholesterol and heart diseases. I am too young to worry about those things so bread, cheese and wine for me everyday…please!

      9. They are completely useless at business - replies to emails from the French are considered rapid if within one week - but no one seems to care because, well, they are French. Je ne sais quoi, mais oui!?

      10. Whether man or woman, the French almost always look, speak, dress and/or act cool. I know a French poodle, who looks wonderful au naturel, smells great in all the right places and ignores me all the time. God, I want her!

      Mental Masturbation - The New ABC - American Born Chinese

      Yes, folks, there is a new twist on an old acronym coming at ya in a growing number of cities near you.

      Born in the USA. By definition, AMERICAN BORN!

      Ethnically, very definitely not Chinese.

      Renounced USA citizenship after growing tired of nearly five decades of harassment at every immigration and customs stop in the world and fearing for my life at every hotel that requested a copy of my passport…among other issues.

      Pledged allegiance to the flag of the People’s Republic of China. By definition, CHINESE national.

      We are the NEW ABC!!!

      And we are growing