Business Writing for the Web. Dan Furman
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information.
Like on my own website. Here’s a screenshot:
(SAMPLE 1)
HEADLINES
The headline here is “Professional writing that’s compelling, easy to read, and drives business.” I’m going to test this one later this summer.
Do you want to know why I’m testing that headline? It’s because I feel that most people who come to my site are looking for (gasp) professional writing that’s compelling, easy to read, and drives business (or something like that). Again, I’m of the opinion that your headline must address the main reason people came.
Now some fans of hype might disagree. They might say, “Yeah, but Dan, why not sell them what they REALLY want, which is higher sales?” I tend to disagree with that line of thinking for a site like mine. A headline of, “Let Dan increase your sales with his effective web copy” does not work well for my site (or many professional service-type sites). It MIGHT work well for a site that is specifically targeted to increasing web sales; if I had a small website where the theme was “higher sales for your website,” yes, that might work. But my site is a professional writing site. I may at some point make a small offshoot site for increasing sales, and I might explore (and test) other headlines then.
Now I want to stay on this thought for a second longer, because the hype person (we’ll call him Mr. Hype for short) might still want argue with me on this (good luck with that. It’s MY book, so I’m definitely getting the last word). He might point out that the only reason one needs professional writing is to drive higher sales / more money, and my headline should address that.
And you know what? He’s "kinda/sorta" got me on this one. Yes, that is what people really want. I have to admit that. People hire me to write because I’m profitable to them.
So here’s my retort: Why stop there? Since we’re psychoanalyzing my web visitors, let’s dig deeper, shall we? What do we all REALLY want? Why do we get dressed? Why do we shower (well, some of us, anyway)? Why go to work? Why put up with idiot bosses? Let’s address these wants in my new headline to make Mr. Hype happy.
“SLEEP LATE EVERY DAY, HAVE TONS OF GREAT SEX, MAKE MILLIONS WITHOUT WORKING, AND EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT WITHOUT GAINING AN OUNCE!”
There, have I covered everything? Does that pretty much address everyone’s basic wants? Should I throw something about a car or a full head of hair in there?
My point here is that you shouldn’t get too cute in regards to headlines. If your product or service is based on HOPE (like work-at-home opportunities, weight loss products, attract-a-mate potions, etc.), by all means, go the hype route. Immediately spell out the best case scenario benefit (make millions and get the girl too!) and take it from there.
As I already mentioned, for most businesses, I like headlines that generally give the reader information about the page on which they landed. The headline lets them know they came to the right place, and encourages them to read further. And yes, they can be emotional without being hype filled. Here are a few examples of headlines I have written in the past.
For a Hawaiian “swim with the dolphins” tour:
“Swimming with the dolphins is an experience that you will remember — and cherish — for the rest of your life.”
Now, the people coming to this site were expecting some kind of Hawaiian dolphin tour. They may not have been clear if they actually swam with dolphins, or just took a boat ride to see them, so the headline basically covers both — it’s clearly about a dolphin tour, and yeah, you get to swim with them (that does sound fun, doesn’t it?)
Here’s another headline I wrote for a voice mail / VOIP company’s home page:
“Dependable Voice Mail and VOIP Solutions for Your Company”
Nothing sexy or outrageous here, but if you were looking for voice mail (or VOIP), this would state perfectly that the information you want is right there. And that’s what my clients were looking for.
Now this almost seems obvious, but it really isn’t. Before I wrote the web copy for my voice mail client, the headline was more results-oriented (because that’s probably what some web copy book said to do). It was something like “Never miss a call again.” Well, that’s all well and good, but it’s really a pretty narrow focus. I realize voice mail exists so you don’t miss calls, but is anyone really thinking “I don’t want to miss calls” as they look for a voice mail provider? Or, do they just say, “I need voice mail”? I don’t know for sure, because (thankfully) I’m not in everyone’s head, but I don’t think I’m making too big a leap when I say they are probably thinking more along the lines of “voice mail” than “missed calls.” I think it’s because our minds already made the connection for us; we already figured out that missed calls equals voice mail, so we look for voice mail.
This is true for most things we look for; we already make connections. When we want water to go from one place in our house to another, we look for a plumber. Yes, we really want the water to go from here to there, and that’s the true reason we’re searching, but leading off the website with “water moved through your house” is probably nowhere near as effective as “local plumber ready to help you.”
Again, my point with these somewhat outrageous examples is that I don’t want you to over-think these things. There’s a tendency for people to want to get witty and clever when writing headlines. There’s nothing witty or clever about the voice mail headline (or the entire site I wrote, for that matter), but it pulls business (which is exactly what my client wanted).
Okay, here’s a headline that’s (a little) more hype-filled:
“Financial Sales Professionals: Would You Like To Close More Sales, Achieve Greater Production, and Enjoy Lifelong Success?”
Not overly hype-y, but not super quiet either. This was for a very tightly targeted site that sold advice and coaching services to financial salespeople. It definitely speaks more of benefits than a simple “sales coaching here,” but that’s because the focus of the site was so very tight. And it was also somewhat of a hope-based site. Any type of coaching or such is like that. You almost can’t sell any type of coaching without touting the results.
In fact, hope-based products or services are almost a reverse effect from the previous, in fact — our brains made the connection “coaching equals more success,” so we expect to see “more success” as the leadoff of the website. A lot of sports coaching is sold this way: “be a better hitter,” “tackle better,” “break the other guy’s arm in four different places,” etc.
I hope the preceding gives you a good idea of headlines and how to use them. Write them, and then TEST them. And if you’re not sure what type of headline to use (hype versus fact), test them both.
Let’s move on to subheadings.
Subheadings
What is a subheading?
Well, you just read one. The start to this section is a subheading. It tells you (generally) what to expect from the text that follows it.
For a website, a subheading is generally a headline for a paragraph or a section of a page. Its purpose in regards to scan-ability is fairly obvious: if you scan the page past the headline, the subheadings jump out at you. So it makes it very easy to scan a page and get an idea of what the entire page is about, and what information someone could expect.
I’m going to be honest. I think subheadings are more important than headlines. I could have a lousy headline and great subheadings, and the page will still get read (or at least