The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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gone all feverish now. I’m going to creep downstairs and get Mum’s Men are from Mars book and do some more research.
3:35 a.m.
God, it’s too weird. Apparently boys might seem like they like you to be all interested in them, but really they want you to be like a glacier iceberg sort of girl. So you have to play hard to get. That’s where I must have gone wrong. I have been too keen, I must do glacial.
Thursday August 26th
10:33 p.m.
Same bat time. Same bat place. Same scuba-diving Barbie digging me in the back.
According to the next bit in Mum’s book, boys are like elastic bands. Good Lord!
It doesn’t mean that boys are made of elastic, which is a plus because nobody wants a boyfriend made out of rubber. On the other hand, if they were made out of rubber you could save yourself a lot of time and effort and heartache by just rustling one up out of a car tyre. But that is not what the book means. Boys are different from girls. Girls like to be cosy all the time but boys don’t. First of all they like to get all close to you like a coiled-up rubber band, but after a while they get fed up with being too coiled and need to stretch away to their full stretchiness. Then, after a bit of on-their-own stretchy, they ping back to be close to you.
Hmmm. So in conclusion on the boy front, you have to play hard to get (the glacier bit), and also let them be elastic bands. Sacré bleu! They don’t want much, do they?
Friday August 27th
4:20 p.m.
Round at Jas’s house. Been to town. I bought myself some new lippy to cheer myself up and Jas got a new hot air brush thing that gives you bouncability. She was making her hair all turn under at the ends.
As she was tonging away at her hair she said, “I looked for a bra but I can’t get one small enough. In fact, I don’t need one, I’m more like Kate Moss. You have to wear one though, don’t you?…Because of the pencil-case test thing.”
“Just pencil…the case was my mum.”
“Yeah, but the pencil stuck, didn’t it? You said that if it did you had to have help and support.”
“I know what I said.”
When Jas really annoys me (i.e. all of the time) I notice that her fringe is more fringey than normal, if you know what I mean.
Fringey went on, “I’m only saying– there’s no need to have a nervy b.”
Jas was really, really beginning to annoy me. A lot. All her things are really neatly put away which is the sign of a very dull person in my opinion. When Jas and I stalked Wet Lindsay and looked through her bedroom window all her things were very tidy as well. Jas even puts all her knickers in the same drawer.
Besides it being VERY dull to do that it would also be useless at my house as Libby mostly uses my knickers as hats for her dolls. Or Angus eats them.
To change the subject I said, In a really caring way, “When does Tom go off to work experience?”
Jas stopped hot brushing her hair then and looked all mournful. Hahahahaha. She said, “Next Saturday– it’s going to be really horrible. Do you think he’ll meet someone else in Birmingham?”
I looked wise and oracle-like and like I was really thinking (which I wasn’t). I said, “Well, he’s a young bloke and we all know what young blokes are like.”
“Do we?”
I laughed bitterly.
She said, “Just because Robbie went off doesn’t mean all boys do.”
“It does…in Mum’s book Men are from Mars it tells you all about it.”
She was interested then and came and sat next to me. “What does it say in the book? Does it say Tom is going to go off with someone else?”
I said, “Yes it does, Jas. It says in the worldwide number one bestseller written by some bloke in America who has never met Tom, it says in Chapter Two, ’Tom Jennings definitely goes off with someone else when he goes to do work experience in Birmingham for a month.’”
She looked a bit miffed. “Well, what do you mean, then?”
I waited for a bit. Teach her to go on and on about my breasty problem and the fact that SG had left me.
“Can I try your new shiny lippy?”
She wasn’t interested, it was all just me, me, me with her. She just went on about her problems.
“Anyway, Gee, what do you mean about this book? Isn’t it American?”
“Yeah.”
“Well it will be about American boys, then, won’t it?”
“No, it’s about boykind.”
“Oh.”
I paused. She looked all goggly and attentive, it was quite a nice feeling. Perhaps I might reconsider my career and think about becoming an Agony Aunt rather than a backing singer. Especially since I can’t sing. But I know all about agony.
Jas was as agog as two gogs. She said, “Go on.”
I explained, “Boys are like elastic bands.”
“What?”
“Boys are like elastic bands.”
“What?”
“Jas, if you keep saying ‘what?’ every time I say something we may be here for some centuries.”
“Well, what do you mean ‘like elastic bands’?”
“They like to be all close and then after a bit of being close they have to stretch and get far away…and you have to let them and then they spring back.”
“What?”
“You’re doing it again and it really annoys me. In fact, I will have to kill you now because I have a lot of untamed energy because of the Sex God. I’m going to have to give you a bit of a duffing up.” And I shoved her.
She said, “Don’t be silly and childish.”
I said, “I’m not.”
She got up and started making her hair have more bouncability with the air brush thing again. I waited until she had got it just right (in her opinion), then I hit her over the head with a pillow. She started to say, “Look, this is not funn-” but before she could finish I hit her over the head again with the pillow. And every time she tried to talk I did it again. She got all red-faced, which in Jas’scase is very red indeed. It made me feel much better. Violence may be the answer to the world’s problems. I may write to the Dalai Lama and suggest he tries my new approach.
My room
Midnight
I’ve got a plan. It involves the two “isities”. They are “maturiosity” and “glaciosity”. Firstly I have to prove to SG that I am very sophis and grown-up. Not a laughing hyena in a school uniform as he thought the last time he saw me. (This is the maturiosity bit.) Secondly I must be distant and alluring and play hard to get. (This is the glaciosity bit.)
The conclusion of these two parts is that SG comes springing back like an elastic band.
Saturday August 28th
2:10 p.m.
Phoned Jas.
I said, “I’ve worked out a plan.”
She said, “I can’t talk, Tom and I are going to choose