The Complete Fab Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: Books 1-10. Louise Rennison
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but I only got as far as “It’s a really sensible way of …” before she had snatched them off my head. She has very little sense of humour.
However the last laugh was on her because she was so busy telling me and Jas that we were ridiculously childish and ripping our ears off that she didn’t see the rest of the Ace Gang bob into school. It was very very funny indeed seeing them bob through the gates and across the playground as if they were perfectly normal glove animals.
7:00 p.m.
No call from the SG.
Mrs Across the Road came over. Mutti had gone to her aerobics class. Surely it can’t be healthy for a woman of her size to hurl herself around a crowded room?
Mrs Across the Road or “Call me Helen” is OK but a bit on the nimby girlie side. If you hit her with a hockey stick she would probably fall over. She’s fluffy and blonde (not natural, I think).
Vati was acting very peculiarly. He was being almost nice. And laughing a lot. And he got out of his chair. Hmmm.
After she’d gone he must have said at least two hundred and fifty times, “She seems very nice, doesn’t she? Helen? Very … you know … feminine.”
Oh no.
Also he said that they are going to get a pedigree sort of boyfriend for Naomi. I said, “She won’t go out with anyone else. She loves Angus.”
Dad laughed. “You wait, there will be little Naomis running about the place before you can blink. Women are very fickle.”
Hmmmm.
9:10 p.m.
Pre-gig nervosity. Not helped by the fact that when I went down on to the field to take Angus for his “constitutional” Mark Big Gob threw a jumping-jack at me. I wonder if he is quite normal in the brain department …
Oh God, it’s Bonfire Night tomorrow, an excuse for all the sad boys in the world to set fire to themselves with fireworks whilst showing off to their mates.
9:30 p.m.
Mum came in, flushed as a loon. I said, “You are looking particularly feminine, Mum.” But Vati didn’t get it.
In my room
9:50 p.m.
Vati knocked on my door!!! I said, “I’m sorry, but sadly I’m not in.”
He ignored that, came in and sat on the edge of my bed.
Oh God, he wasn’t going to ask me if I was happy, was he. Or tell me about his “feelings”?
He was all embarrassed. “Look, Georgia, I know how you feel about Angus …”
“Yes … and?”
“It’s just not fair on him being all cooped up in the house.”
“Well that is not my idea.”
“I know, but he won’t leave that bloody Burmese alone.”
“He loves her and wants to share his life and dreams with her, maybe buy a little holiday home in Spain for those cold …”
“He’s a bloody cat!!!”
10:00 p.m.
Dad is going to take Angus to the vet tomorrow to have his trouser snake addendums taken away. He said, “I know you will think about this and be grown up about it.”
I said, “Dad, as I have mentioned before, if you do this to Angus you are no longer my vati. You are an ex-vati.”
I mean it.
10:10 p.m.
Phone rang. Vati answered it, still all grumpy.
I was in my room, shaping the cuticles in my nails for Saturday.
If I don’t start my beauty routine now I’ll never be ready in time.
I heard Dad say, “I’ll see if she’s still up, it’s a bit late to call … Who shall I say it is?”
By that time I had thrown myself down the stairs and ripped the phone out of his hand. How could he be so deeply uncool?
I calmed my voice and said “Hello” in a sort of husky way. I don’t know why but at least I wasn’t assuming a French accent.
It was the Sex God!!! Yeahhh!!! I got jelloid knickers as soon as I heard his voice. It’s so yummy scrumboes …
He said, “Is that your dad?”
I said, “No, it’s just some madman who hangs around our house.”
Anyway, the short and long of it is that he’ll see me Saturday at the gig. He’s rehearsing so can’t see me before. C’est la vie, I think you will find, when you go out with le gorgeous popstar.
Friday November 5th
Bonfire night
4:00 p.m.
Some of the Foxwood lads sneaked into school today and put a banger down a loo and the loo exploded! You could hear the explosion even in the Science block. Slim was so furious that her chins practically waggled off.
6:30 p.m.
Vati has actually taken Angus to the vet. I cannot believe it. I am not speaking to him.
He said, “The vet said he would be fit as a flea on Monday and we can pick him up then.”
Libby and me might go on dirty protest, like they do in prison. Not bother going to the loo, as a protest, just poo on the floor. Mind you, Libby is almost permanently on dirty protest, so they might not notice.
8:00 p.m.
Mutti and the bloke that she sadly lives with have gone to the street bonfire. Mr and Mrs Next Door and Mr and Mrs Across the Road and the saddos from number twenty-four are all going to be there and then they are off to a party at number twenty-six. Can you imagine the fun that will be? Vati was wearing a leather cowboy hat. How tragic is that? Very very tragic. Mutti asked me if I was coming. I just looked at Dad’s hat. Anyway as I am not speaking to any of them I can’t reply. Dad leaped over the garden wall instead of going through the gate. Sadly he didn’t do himself a severe injury and so he lives to embarrass me to death another day.
Angus normally loves Bonfire Night. I wonder where he is now? Does he know his bottom sniffing days are over?
8:30 p.m.
Jools, Rosie and Jas came round. They’re all off to a bonfire party at Kate Matthew’s place. SG is rehearsing again, but we’re going to meet up later.
The girls managed to find something to eat in the kitchen which is a bloody miracle.
We sat munching and crunching our cornflake sarnies. Jools said, “I must get a boyfriend. I quite fancy that mate of Dave the Laugh’s. What is he called? Is it Rollo? You know, the one that’s got a nice smile.”
He was quite cool-looking now she mentioned it. I said, “I wonder why he hasn’t got a girlfriend? Maybe there is something wrong with him.”
Jools was all alert. “Like what?”
“Well,