Prince of Hazel and Oak. John Lenahan
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he doing here?’
Brendan said, ‘You don’t understand,’ and then did that really foolish thing. He grabbed her wrist.
I guess I should have warned Brendan about touching a woman in The Land when she doesn’t want or expect it. I had learned that lesson the hard way with Essa but it didn’t even come close to how hard Brandon’s lesson was with my mother. In a matter of nanoseconds she turned her wrist, broke the detective’s grasp, grabbed his arm, placed her foot in his stomach, and then vaulted him clear over her head. Brendan sailed a good seven feet in the air before luckily hitting the back of a sofa. If the manoeuvre had been in any other direction he would have hit a wall. I ran over and righted the couch and then helped the dazed Brendan into it.
‘Sit here and don’t say a word,’ I said.
Brendan’s reply was a predictable, ‘Owww.’
I approached my mother slowly. She was still in an attack stance and was breathing heavily.
‘Someone should teach him not to do that.’
‘I think you just did, Mom – and very impressively too, I might add. Let’s all take a deep breath and calm down a little.’
Mom unclenched her fists. I took a seat and motioned for her to do the same. As she sat, she kept an eye on Brendan.
‘Relax, Mom, I’m sure he won’t try anything again. Will you, Brendan?’
‘Owww,’ Brendan repeated.
Mom finally turned to me. I smiled at her but she wasn’t quite ready to return it. ‘You still haven’t told me what he is doing here.’
It’s not like she had given me much of a chance but I decided to keep that comment to myself – enough feathers had been ruffled already. ‘Brendan followed us through that portal you made.’
‘That’s impossible.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘The portal was designed for the three of us and our horses – part of that spell was Truemagic, it should have killed someone from the Real World.’
‘Well, I hate to disagree with you on a point of magic but there he is.’
‘Strange things happen during Samhain,’ Mom mumbled under her breath as she approached Brendan. ‘Why did you incarcerate my son?’
Brendan didn’t answer but the question succeeded in stopping him from saying, ‘Oww, oww, oww,’ over and over again.
‘Mom, he was just doing his job.’
Mom gave me a sharp look and said, ‘I am speaking to him.’
‘He’s right, ma’am,’ Brendan said with a mixture of respect and fear. ‘I was just doing my job.’
‘And what job is that?’
‘I’m a policeman,’ he said but when he realised she didn’t understand he sighed, ‘I catch and punish evildoers.’
‘And what evil could this sweet boy have done?’
‘I thought he had killed his father.’
‘And why would you have thought that?’
‘Well, the house was trashed, his father was missing and he was spending his money.’
‘Money?’ Mom asked, turning to me.
‘Like gold,’ I said.
‘I thought people in the Real World didn’t use magic. What would they want with gold?’
I hadn’t thought of that before but now wasn’t the time to explain micro-economics to my mother. So I said, ‘We just kinda like it ’cause it’s shiny.’
‘Did my son not explain to you about his father?’
‘Yes, ma’am, he did but I didn’t believe him.’
‘Do you believe him now?’
Brendan paused for a moment and said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I do. That is why I wanted to speak to you. I must return home.’
‘How exactly did you get here?’
‘I don’t remember much, I was a bit out of it, but I remember grabbing onto a horse’s tail and then I remember Conor clubbing me over the head. The next thing I know I was here.’
‘You grabbed onto the horse?’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
Mom walked back into the centre of the room, thinking. ‘I see. Well, Mr …’
‘Fallon, Brendan Fallon.’
‘Well, Brendan, I see how you have arrived here but I still do not know how you survived the journey.’
‘Well, I’m here and I need to return. The Fand woman said you could get me back.’
‘I am sure I can, see me next Samhain.’
‘And when is that?’
‘In a wee bit less than a year.’
‘A year!’ Brendan was on his feet. ‘I can’t wait a year.’
‘Why so long?’ I asked.
‘If I had known you were here earlier then things would be different but sending a mortal back now when the Real World and The Land are apart would be too dangerous – if it was two days ago, then maybe.’
‘I’ve been trying to see you for a week!’ Brendan said, raising his voice, which, by the look on my mother’s face, wasn’t appreciated.
I was about to intervene but then I saw my mother’s countenance soften. ‘I am sorry for your predicament but I only learned of your existence today. I have been quite preoccupied.’
‘Is there no other way?’ I asked.
‘The only way to safely return him is to use the same piece of gold that I used to bring him here, but I no longer have it.’
‘Where is it?’ I asked.
‘It’s in your father’s mouth.’
‘Oh,’ I said.
‘What?’ Brendan said.
‘I placed the gold disc that I used to open the portal in Oisin’s mouth so he would not suffocate while we encased him in Shadowmagic,’ Mom said.
‘So open him up and get the disc,’ Brendan demanded.
‘That would be far too dangerous,’ Mom said. ‘We were fortunate that the process worked the first time. I will not unnecessarily endanger the Lord of Duir a second time.’
‘Unnecessarily,’ Brendan shouted, ‘you are going to maroon me in this god-forsaken place, while my loony-tune mother pollutes my daughter’s brain with a caravan full of hippy tree-hugging crap?’
‘If the girl’s grandmother is teaching your daughter to hug trees, then I suspect she is in good hands.’ Mom sat back at her desk and took up a pen. ‘I’m sorry but that is my final word on the subject.’
I wouldn’t say Brendan is a stupid man, but on occasion he is a slow learner. He grabbed Mom’s hand and started to say, ‘You don’t—’
Because Mom was sitting this time she flipped him with her shoulder instead of her foot. On the plus side, Brendan didn’t travel as fast or as far as before. On the minus side, he didn’t make it to the couch. He took a long time getting up.
I put Brendan to bed with some poteen. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t retangle with Mom. Still, for his own safety, I reposted Frick and Frack outside the door. Brendan didn’t realise that those two judo throws were Mom’s idea of restraint. If he tried something like that again, I wouldn’t be surprised if she killed him.