Withering Tights. Louise Rennison
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Caaaaasee-y.”
Then she shut the notepad with a snap and said, “Now let me tell you my name, it’s Doctor Lightowler.”
I kept my face straight and didn’t say really slowly, “Aaaaah Doooooctor Liiiiightowwwwler.”
The Doctor said, “We shall come to know each other very well, Ta-llu-lah Caaa-sey.”
And she didn’t seem to mean, getting to know each other in a friendy-wendy way.
As she went off, Jo said, “Well I thought that went well, didn’t you? I think she secretly likes you. But don’t worry, I will protect you from her.”
And she put her arm in mine. I think things were going quite well. In a friendy-wendy way.
A funny clock chimed somewhere and a door to the right of the stage opened. A woman in white suede cowboy boots and a fringed jacket walked slowly to the front of the stage and looked out intently.
We looked back at her.
She looked back at us.
Then finally, in a throaty posh voice she said, “Welcome, fellow artistes. You see how I have got your attention. I have made this stage my own. In a few short weeks, we will teach you the same skills. You too will fill the stage.”
I nudged Vaisey, but she seemed to be hypnotised by the stage-filling idea.
The woman went on, “I am Sidone Beaver. Not Sid-one Beaver, or Sid-ony Beaver but Sid-o-nee Beaver, principal of Dother Hall. Here to guide you to the theatre of dreams. Think of me less as a headmistress and more like…the keeper of the gateway…of your flight to…the stars.”
Jeepers creepers.
Sid-o-nee was still filling the stage.
“I know you sit before me, young, nervous. You think, how could I ever be like her? But I can still remember my own beginnings in this crazy, heartbreaking, cruel, wonderful, mad, mad world of art. The highs, the lows…let me not mince words, let me not blind you with dreams. There is no easy passage, no free lunch, this is a tough path…Your feet will bleed before you experience the golden slippers of applause!”
We looked at our feet.
Soon to be bleeding.
Sidone went on, “By the end of these few short weeks, some of you will be the ‘chosen’ and some of you will be the ‘unchosen’.”
When Sidone left the stage we were shown a film of students working at different projects at Dother Hall.
Ooh, look, here were students tap dancing, and some sword fighting in the woods. Students making a papier mâché sculpture.
Jo whispered, “Why are they making a big stool?”
Vaisey said, “It’s an elephant.”
Jolly students painting outdoors. What a hoot! There was one photo of students dressed in black jumpsuits with painted white faces, looking at a motorbike.
I said to Vaisey, “What are they supposed to be?”
She shrugged.
The caption said at the end: Students produce a mime version of Grease.
Of course.
But funnily enough, although there were one or two shots of male teachers – oh, and Bob banging at stuff with a wrench – there were no boys around.
Until right at the end.
At last.
There was Martin making his tiny instrument. I elbowed Vaisey. “Look, there’s Martin with his lute!”
There was a break afterwards. I felt quite dazed. ‘Chosen’ – ‘unchosen’ – ‘bleeding feet’ – ‘golden slippers of applause’?
We followed the signs to the café. Vaisey, me and Jo.
Jo said, “I’m really, really excited, aren’t you? I didn’t sleep a wink last night, well it wasn’t the excitement of course, it was because of the whole dorm thing.”
Vaisey nodded. “I’d quite like to see the dorm, actually. I wonder if…”
Jo said, “Oh, you weren’t here last night, were you?
Vaisey said, “No. I was supposed to be here, but my bed wasn’t quite ready, or something.”
Jo laughed grimly. “Be glad you weren’t in it, because that’s where the roof came in – over your bed. Bob nailed up an old blanket to keep the bats out and I think that is what caught fire. I’m not surprised, really, when Milly switched on her bedside lamp, it was giving off sparks. There was a dead pigeon in the loo. Maybe electrocuted.”
As we got our tea and biccies I said to the other girls, “I don’t want to go on about Martin and his lute, but, where is Martin and his lute? And where are Martin’s mates?”
We looked at Jo.
Jo said, “Ahh, you mean Martin and his mates. Well, Dother Hall used to be mixed, but there was some sort of incident involving a game called ‘twenty-five in a duvet cover’ and since then boys are banned.”
I said, “What a swizz. Still, at least there’s Woolfe Academy.”
We asked Jo if she knew anything about it.
She said, “No, but I would like to. At home, I’m at an all-girls school.”
After break we were taken on a tour of the theatre department by Bob. I think he has given his ponytail a quick trim.
He was wearing a T-shirt that said ‘Fat men are harder to kidnap’.
Bob said, “Sit down on the floor, Mr de Courcy will be with you in a minute. Don’t play around with the lights, dudes.”
As he went out, we saw that his T-shirt had ROCK on the back and that he was wearing very low-slung jeans with a belt that had all sorts of hammers and stuff hanging off it. And unfortunately, I think it is pulling his trousers down. I didn’t want to look but there was something pale peeping out under his T-shirt. I think it may be his bottom.
One of the other girls said, “It’s theatre in the round.”
I didn’t like to ask what that was. Only round people are allowed to be in it? Probably.
The girl who had said “theatre in the round” was the big girl who Jo had fallen into the lap of. So perhaps that is why she was so au fait with theatre in the round. She had thick-framed glasses on and dark hair in a ponytail with a big, clunky fringe. So that you couldn’t see if she had eyebrows or not. She was looking at me.
I don’t know why, I had my knees covered up.
I looked back. I was trying not to blink.
She didn’t blink either.
I had accidentally entered a no blinking competition. On my first day at performing arts college. Things were hotting up.
Then the girl made her eyes go upwards so you could just see the white bits. Like in Night of the Zombies. It made me laugh. And that was the official end of the no blinking competition. We shook hands and she said, “Hello. You’ve got green eyes.”
I said, “I know.”
She said, “I know you know, but now I know.”
And I said, “I know.”
Two minutes later it seemed that everyone was chatting to each other. The zombie girl is called Florence, although her mates call her Flossie and she is from Blackpool.
I said, “Do you go on the pier and get candy, Flossie?”
She said, “Do you do that a lot?”
I said, “What?”
And she said, “Make