Mary Barton. Элизабет Гаскелл
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was not wishing him, that she would fain have him released from his suffering. Alice and Mary stood by with eyes fixed on the poor child, whose struggles seemed to increase, till at last his mother said, with a choking voice:
‘May happen† yo’d better take him, Alice; I believe my heart’s wishing him a’ this while, for I cannot, no, I cannot bring mysel to let my two childer go in one day; I cannot help longing to keep him, and yet he sha’n’t suffer longer for me.’
She bent down, and fondly, oh! with what passionate fondness, kissed her child, and then gave him up to Alice, who took him with tender care. Nature’s struggles were soon exhausted, and he breathed his little life away in peace.
Then the mother lifted up her voice and wept. Her cries brought her husband down to try with his aching heart to comfort hers. Again Alice laid out the dead, Mary helping with reverent fear. The father and mother carried him upstairs to the bed, where his little brother lay in calm repose.
Mary and Alice drew near the fire, and stood in quiet sorrow for some time. Then Alice broke the silence by saying:
‘It will be bad news for Jem, poor fellow, when he comes home.’
‘Where is he?’ asked Mary.
‘Working over-hours at th’ shop. They’n getten a large order fra’ forrin parts; and yo know, Jem mun work, though his heart’s well nigh breaking for these poor laddies.’
Again they were silent in thought, and again Alice spoke first.
‘I sometimes think the Lord is against planning. Whene’er I plan over-much, He is sure to send and mar all my plans, as if He would ha’ me put the future into His hands. Afore Christmas-time I was as full as full could be, of going home for good and all; yo han heard how I’ve wished it this terrible long time. And a young lass from behind Burton came into place in Manchester last Martinmas; so after awhile she had a Sunday out, and she comes to me, and tells me some cousins o’ mine bid her find me out, and say how glad they should be to ha’ me to bide wi’ ’em, and look after th’ childer, for they’n getten a big farm, and she’s a deal to do among th’ cows. So many’s a winter’s night did I lie awake and think, that please God, come summer, I’d bid George and his wife good-bye, and go home at last. Little did I think how God Almighty would balk me, for not leaving my days in His Hands, who had led me through the wilderness hitherto. Here’s George out of work, and more cast down than ever I seed him; wanting every chip o’ comfort he can get, e’en afore this last heavy stroke; and now I’m thinking the Lord’s finger points very clear to my fit abiding-place; and I’m sure if George and Jane can say “His will be done”, it’s no more than what I’m beholden to do.’
So saying, she fell to tidying the room, removing as much as she could every vestige of sickness; making up the fire, and setting on the kettle for a cup of tea for her sister-in-law, whose low moans and sobs were occasionally heard in the room below.
Mary helped her in all these little offices. They were busy in this way when the door was softly opened, and Jem came in, all grimed and dirty from his night-work, his soiled apron wrapped round his middle, in guise and apparel in which he would have been sorry at another time to have been seen by Mary. But just now he hardly saw her; he went straight up to Alice, and asked how the little chaps were. They had been a shade better at dinner-time, and he had been working away through the long afternoon, and far into the night, in the belief that they had taken the turn. He had stolen out during the half-hour allowed at the works for tea, to buy them an orange or two, which now puffed out his jacket-pocket.
He would make his aunt speak: he would not understand her shake of the head and fast coursing tears.
‘They’re both gone,’ said she.
‘Dead!’
‘Ay! poor fellows. They took worse about two o’clock. Joe went first, as easy as a lamb, and Will died harder like.’
‘Both!’
‘Ay, lad! both. The Lord has ta’en them from some evil to come, or He would na’ ha’ made choice o’ them. Ye may rest sure o’ that.’
Jem went to the cupboard, and quietly extricated from his pocket the oranges he had bought. But he stayed long there, and at last his sturdy frame shook with his strong agony. The two women were frightened, as women always are, on witnessing a man’s overpowering grief. They cried afresh in company. Mary’s heart melted within her as she witnessed Jem’s sorrow, and she stepped gently up to the corner where he stood, with his back turned to them, and putting her hand softly on his arm, said:
‘O Jem, don’t give way so; I cannot bear to see you.’
Jem felt a strange leap of joy in his heart, and knew the power she had of comforting him. He did not speak, as though fearing to destroy by sound or motion the happiness of that moment, when her soft hand’s touch thrilled through his frame, and her silvery voice was whispering tenderness in his ear. Yes! it might be very wrong; he could almost hate himself for it; with death and woe so surrounding him, it yet was happiness, was bliss, to be so spoken to by Mary.
‘Don’t Jem, please don’t,’ whispered she again, believing that his silence was only another form of grief.
He could not contain himself. He took her hand in his firm yet trembling grasp, and said, in tones that instantly produced a revulsion in her mood:
‘Mary, I almost loathe myself when I feel I would not give up this minute, when my brothers lie dead, and father and mother are in such trouble, for all my life that’s past and gone. And, Mary’ (as she tried to release her hand), ‘you know what makes me feel so blessed.’
She did know – he was right there. But as he turned to catch a look at her sweet face, he saw that it expressed unfeigned distress, almost amounting to vexation; a dread of him, that he thought was almost repugnance.
He let her hand go, and she quickly went away to Alice’s side.
‘Fool that I was – nay, wretch that I was – to let myself take this time of trouble to tell her how I loved her; no wonder that she turns away from such a selfish beast.’
Partly to relieve her from his presence, and partly from natural desire, and partly, perhaps, from a penitent wish to share to the utmost his parents’ sorrow, he soon went upstairs to the chamber of death.
Mary mechanically helped Alice in all the duties she performed through the remainder of that long night, but she did not see Jem again. He remained upstairs until after the early dawn showed Mary that she need have no fear of going home through the deserted and quiet streets, to try and get a little sleep before work-hour. So leaving kind messages to George and Jane Wilson, and hesitating whether she might dare to send a few kind words to Jem, and deciding that she had better not, she stepped out into the bright morning light, so fresh a contrast to the darkened room where death had been.
‘They had
Another morn than ours.’
Mary lay down on her bed in her clothes; and whether it was this, or the broad daylight that poured in through the sky window, or whether it was over-excitement, it was long before she could catch a wink of sleep. Her thoughts ran on Jem’s manner and words; not but what she had known the tale they told for many a day; but still she wished he had not put it so plainly.
‘O dear,’ said she to herself, ‘I wish he would not mistake me so; I never dare to speak a common word o’ kindness, but his eye brightens and his cheek flushes. It’s very hard on me; for father and George Wilson are old friends; and Jem and I ha’ known each other since we were quite children. I cannot think what possesses me, that I must always be wanting to comfort him when he’s downcast, and that I must go meddling wi’ him to-night, when sure enough it was his aunt’s place to speak to him. I don’t care for him, and yet, unless I’m always watching myself, I’m speaking to him in a loving voice. I think I cannot go right, for I either check myself till I’m downright cross to him, or else I speak just