Immortal Cowboy. Alexis Morgan
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chair, she popped the top on a bottle of water and then picked up the book that had come in the morning mail. Flipping through it distracted her from the quagmire of her own thoughts.
The past seven days had been hell, plain and simple. They’d honored her uncle’s request that they not make a fuss over his passing. In truth, he’d had few friends, and they weren’t the kind to stand on ceremony.
Two days later, a lawyer had contacted her about Ray’s estate. Her mother had been with her when the call came in and insisted on accompanying Rayanne to the appointment. What a disaster that had been. She’d spent the ensuing days either berating her late brother for forcing Rayanne to move up to his mountain cabin to claim her inheritance or demanding that Rayanne contest the will. The attorney had repeatedly emphasized the terms of the will were rock solid, but her mother had a habit of hearing only what she wanted.
Rayanne had finally quit answering her mother’s calls. Eventually, she’d have to deal with her, but right now she had other priorities.
Lost in her thoughts, a knock on her office door startled her. Who could it be? Surely her mother wouldn’t have tracked her down here. Setting her book aside, she unlocked the door. When she saw who it was, relief had her smiling.
“Hi, Shawn, I’m glad it’s you. I was afraid my mom had decided to drop in for a visit.” She looked around at the surrounding chaos in her office. “Sorry about the mess. I was just taking a short breather before I finish packing.”
She pointed toward the stack of boxes she’d yet to fill in hopes he’d take the hint. He didn’t. Instead, he shoved a pile of papers aside to make room for himself on the corner of her desk. He picked up the book she’d been reading.
“Still studying up on dead towns, I see.”
“The correct term is ghost towns, not dead ones.”
She let a little of her irritation show. Even though he was teasing, she wasn’t in the mood. She took her research seriously. Normally, Shawn respected that, but he’d been in a strange mood lately.
She took the book from him and set it aside. “What’s up?”
“When were you going to tell me that you’d asked for a leave of absence from the university?” His voice was a shade too cool for the question to be completely casual.
Oh, that. Whoops. “I only got the approval late yesterday afternoon, and I asked the dean to make an announcement this morning at the staff meeting.”
Shawn’s eyebrows snapped down tight over his eyes. “That’s not the same as you telling me yourself.”
She’d been dreading this moment. “I left you a voice mail this morning.”
His expression lightened up a little. Good. She really hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but she’d already faced off against her mother over her acceptance of the terms of Uncle Ray’s will. She didn’t want to have to defend her decision to anyone else.
“It’s just that all of this is so sudden, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.”
He looked marginally happier. “Are you sure putting your life on hold is a good idea?”
Was that what she was doing? Maybe, but then what choice did she have?
“I’m simply following the dictates of my uncle’s will. He didn’t leave me any wiggle room on this.”
Shawn drew a deep breath. “Somehow I doubt you would’ve fought the terms regardless.”
He was right. “I’m sorry, Shawn. I haven’t been myself since all of this happened. Ray’s death hit me hard. The semester is almost over, so the dean was pretty understanding about me leaving early. One of the grad students will cover the last few classes for me and give the final.”
“That’s good. I’d hate to see you jeopardize your career here at the university on a whim.”
That wasn’t what this was, but Shawn clearly had something on his mind. “Just spit it out, Shawn.”
Her comment startled him, his smile a bit rueful. “Okay, here’s the thing. I was hoping the two of us could go somewhere together this summer for a few days, maybe a week.”
He shifted to look at her more directly. “I’m not picky about where. Heck, we can even go explore some of those dusty, old ghost towns you love so much. I just thought some time away from all of this—” he waved his hand to indicate more than just the clutter in her office “—would be good for us.”
The emphasis on the last word wasn’t lost on her, and perhaps he was right. Some time spent away from their normal surroundings would definitely answer some questions for both of them. They’d had dinner a few times, but she’d been reluctant to take the relationship to the next level.
Obviously, he wasn’t.
Part of the problem was the recent resurgence of her nightmares. She’d never shared the story with Shawn and didn’t intend to anytime soon. It was the main reason that she’d never invited him to spend the night at her place. Until she could be sure that she wouldn’t wake up screaming, that couldn’t change.
On the other hand, she had to wonder that if she’d been convinced that there was something special possible between the two of them, would she have trusted him with her secrets? Their friendship was familiar and comfortable. If it was ever going to be more, she needed to resolve the questions that had plagued her for years once and for all.
For now, she had to offer Shawn an answer that he could understand, a version of the truth that he could accept without revealing her real reasons for going back to Blessing alone. Once she’d made peace with her past, maybe she’d know if there was a place for Shawn in her future.
“I plan to spend the time I’m at the cabin on my research. Things are too up in the air right now for me to make any other commitments.”
“Will you at least think about it?”
He wasn’t going to give up unless she conceded at least that much. “Yes, I’ll think about it, but no promises.”
Her effort at a reassuring smile must have succeeded because he gave her an approving nod. “Great. Now I’d better get back to my office. We’ve both got work to do.”
As a fellow college instructor, he knew the constant pressure to publish. She let him think that was what was driving her research, a far more acceptable explanation for her almost obsessive need to study the past.
In truth, the dream that had haunted her for years was the real reason she scoured bookstores and the internet for new primary sources of information on the lost towns of the West, and specifically about Blessing, Colorado.
It didn’t help that all she felt when Shawn left was relief. Her mother would be the first one to tell her that she was being foolish. Shawn was educated, handsome and financially secure; in short, everything Rayanne should want in a man. She liked him; she really did. What did it say about her that she’d rather focus her energy on research than on building a relationship?
This wasn’t getting her anywhere. A few more minutes of reading and then back to work. As she opened the book, a dank, musty smell wafted up from the pages, but she didn’t mind. Books as old as this one were rarely in pristine condition. Besides, it was the words on the pages that were important.
The passage she’d been reading made her smile. It was like having a private conversation with someone who had lived and breathed more than a century ago. The author, Jubal Lane, had clearly shared her interest in the boom and bust of the towns that dotted the landscape in the late 1800s. The only difference was that he’d seen them firsthand.
Jealousy was pointless, but at least she could see those same towns through his eyes. She read slowly to savor Jubal’s thoughts and descriptions, pausing periodically to make notes. When she was about to stop, a word at the bottom of the page caught her attention: Blessing.
With