CHAPTER SIX

       Dear Jessica,

       It’s funny what you’ve done to me. For all this time I’ve avoided coming home, and now that I want to I don’t know how long it’ll be before I can. If you believe I can make things right with my son, then I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Let’s hope we can sit together and laugh one day, and you can say I told you so.

       Hope you’re well and that you’re not sick of writing to me yet. You’ve got no idea how your letters bring a smile to this soldier’s face. I haven’t had a lot to look forward to for a while, and your letters make a world of difference.

       Here’s to seeing you soon.

       Ryan

      “PUSH UP AS hard as you can then hold.”

      Ryan felt his mouth twist into a grimace. This was hard. Harder than last time, but then he was making himself work as much as he could physically endure.

      The physio pushed down on him, forcing him to exert as much energy, as much power, as possible.

      “Okay, and relax,” she instructed.

      He let his arm drop. The thud started again, the pain that seemed to shoot through every inch of his skin on that side when he exercised too hard. He’d told her the pain wasn’t bad because he wanted to go as hard as he could.

      Maybe that hadn’t been such a great idea.

      Ryan wiped away the sweat that had formed on his forehead.

      “You did good today.”

      He gave the physio what he hoped was an innocent smile. “Why don’t we keep going? Another few reps?”

      She shook her head, not fooled this time. “You going to tell me again that it doesn’t hurt?”

      Ryan reached for his workout towel and wiped it over his face. She had him there. Perhaps she’d seen through his bravado the entire time. Seen the pain in his face each time he pushed himself too far.

      “I just want to get stronger again as fast as I can.”

      “And I want you to develop your strength slowly, so you can use your arm properly until you’re an old man,” she said tartly.

      Ryan laughed. He couldn’t argue with that.

      “Can I ask you a personal question?”

      He looked up at her. “Shoot.”

      “I was just wondering why you boys are always in such a hurry to get back to your unit? I get that you’re all close, but isn’t it nice having an excuse to be home for once?” she asked curiously.

      Ryan understood what she was saying. Lots of people seemed to think that way, but they didn’t get what it was like to have such an unbreakable bond with another group of men. To feel that closeness and not want to let your team down. The way he felt about his unit was indescribable. He could probably never find words to explain it.

      Maybe if his wife was still alive he’d have finished up in the army already, but now …? Well, now the army was his focus, what kept him going.

      “It’s hard to explain,” Ryan said, complying as she flexed his fingers back and stretched his muscles out. “There’s something about not wanting to let your unit down, but it’s also about wanting to do the right thing.”

      She smiled, but he didn’t think she understood. Not really.

      “It’s not that I want to be redeployed more than being here, but I’m good at it. It’s what I do best.”

      He was sure better at that than at being a dad.

      “So you still want to get fixed up as soon as possible, right? Get back to wherever it is they want to send you.”

      He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

      She gave him a pat on the back. He could see she didn’t truly get it, but his physio was great at her job. And truth be told, not many civilians could ever understand the bond and camaraderie a good soldier enjoyed with his unit.

      “Same time on Tuesday. And don’t leave here until you’ve stretched out some more.”

      Ryan watched as she walked away. He sat there, thinking, barely noticing the other people in the room.

      He always felt so useless, so powerless when he was here, even though he knew he was making good progress. Because it didn’t matter how hard he tried, he was never as strong as he wanted to be.

      Ryan took a deep, long gulp of water before moving to stretch out his muscles some more. He knew he’d be sore in the morning if he didn’t do as she’d said.

      He couldn’t help but think that the only time lately he hadn’t thought about his weakness, about what was holding him back physically, was when he’d been with Jessica. Last night he hadn’t thought about his arm once. Even when it had ached as he’d lifted it to touch her face, the pain had been nothing.

      Or nothing compared to not letting his skin brush against hers.

      He liked that she made him smile. That she listened to him.

      That she blushed every time they were close, or the way a smile hinted at the corners of her mouth when he spoke.

      For a guy who had sworn to never let another woman close again he sure could have fooled himself. Because when he was with Jessica, close to her, beside her, there was no other place he wanted to be. He couldn’t offer her a future, anything more than a friendship or short-term relationship really, but he’d been honest with her. He was only back for a short time. No matter how much he liked her, his duty was to his unit, and he would be back serving again as soon as he passed the physical.

      Maybe one day in the future they could be something more, but right now he didn’t know what his long-term future held. His timing was way off, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him seeing her now.

      If only he could repair his relationship with his son, he’d feel like he was making real progress being back here.

      He stood and tried to ignore the pain as it twinged through his biceps.

      Ryan smiled. He might have said no to the pain medication his doctor had prescribed, but Jessica was purely organic and the best pain relief he could wish for. He dialed her number. He didn’t care if asking her out again tonight was too soon. He wanted to see her and it wasn’t like he had all the time in the world.

      If she was up for some fun while he was here, then he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. Whether that was just hanging out together or something more.

      Jessica stretched back and closed her eyes. The sun felt good on her skin. Like it was soaking through her pores to warm her from the inside out.

      Hercules’s bark made her open her eyes. He was chasing Bella’s daughter, Ruby, around the yard, running alongside her and bouncing up and down.

      Jess laughed.