Yuletide Baby. Deb Kastner
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her lips.
She was okay. She was okay.
She repeated the mantra even as the pounding on the door resumed.
“Heather?” The voice coming from the other side of the door was a woman’s, and though she sounded urgent, there wasn’t an ounce of threat in her tone.
Heather rolled to her feet and padded to the front door, taking a quick glance through the peephole for final reassurance before opening up.
“Jo?” she asked, surprised to see the boisterous owner of the local café on her doorstep in the middle of the night. “What’s wrong?”
“I tried calling but you didn’t pick up.”
“I’m sorry. I mute my phone at night so it won’t wake up the little ones.” She pressed Jo’s wringing hands. Something had to be seriously wrong for Jo to be here this late, and on Christmas Eve, to boot. “Do you want to come in?”
“Thank you, dear.” Jo followed Heather inside. “I hate to impose on you, especially at this hour, but I’m in desperate need of your assistance.”
“Sure. Anything. Whatever you need.” Heather didn’t hesitate. Growing up in Serendipity, she’d spent many happy hours at Cup O’ Jo Café, leaning on the advice of the ever-wise Jo Spencer. Heather couldn’t imagine why Jo needed her help, but it was a given that she’d do anything she could.
“A baby has been abandoned at the church. Pastor Shawn is quite flabbergasted by the event, as well you can imagine. Seeing as we don’t have a social worker here in town, I figured you were the next best thing, being a foster mother and all. You’ll come with me to see to the little one, won’t you? I already phoned your next-door neighbor, and she’ll be here shortly to make sure your kiddos are looked after while you’re gone.”
“We’re going to the chapel?” Heather was truly ready to do anything—except that. The shiver that overtook her rocked her to the very core. She hadn’t stepped through the door of a church in years, and she never wanted to do so again. Not for as long as she lived. Her stomach lurched with the thought, and the fear was paralyzing.
She opened her mouth to decline, but closed it without speaking, rubbing her lips together as she considered her options. There was a sweet, innocent baby to think about. She’d made a promise to herself that if she was presented with the opportunity, she’d be there for any and all children in need.
But this? She squeezed her eyes closed and swallowed her trepidation, searching for her resolve.
“Give me a minute to get dressed,” she said to Jo before walking back to the bedroom. She needed the time, not just to change clothes, but to decide if she was really up to this.
She slipped into jeans and a blue cotton pullover and stooped to lace her sneakers, her mind still in turmoil.
Could she do it? Would she be able to overcome years of terror and defensiveness to help the little one?
For the baby’s sake, she had to try.
Once her next-door neighbor had arrived to watch the children, Heather and Jo set off. The drive from Heather’s house to the chapel was only a few short minutes, but to Heather the distance seemed agonizingly long. Jo bustled out of her old truck the moment she parked it. Heather held back, clutching her hands together in her lap as she gathered her courage. After what felt like an hour but was probably no more than a few seconds, she forced herself to exit the vehicle. A wave of dizziness immediately overtook her and she grasped at the rim of the truck to keep her balance.
Air in. Air out, she coaxed herself. When these panic attacks hit, her breath came in shallow gasps and she hyperventilated, resulting in the light-headedness she was now experiencing. She was so...angry that she couldn’t control her reactions. It was embarrassing. Humiliating.
“Heather, are you coming?” Jo had made it up to the chapel’s red double doors before she glanced back and realized Heather wasn’t following her. The old red-headed woman’s face instantly crumpled with concern. “What is it, dear?”
Suppressing a shiver, Heather straightened her shoulders and picked up the box of baby paraphernalia from the back of Jo’s truck.
She forced a smile. “I’m sorry I’m being so slow. Don’t worry. I’ll be in right behind you.”
While in essence, that was true, emotionally, Heather was lagging, and she was painfully aware of why.
The chapel is just a building, she scolded herself sternly. If anything, this particular chapel was a place of happy childhood memories. But she couldn’t seem to separate the structure from the experiences in her past. The thought of church—any church—was tainted by the thought of Adrian, who had been a beloved and highly respected deacon. No one had realized that it had all been one big lie.
This guy isn’t Adrian.
Truthfully, she didn’t know anything about the pastor she was here to assist. There was no reason for her to believe Shawn O’Riley would be in any way similar to Adrian, other than being a part of the active leadership of a church. It was wrong to judge all men on a single man’s faults, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. In her experience, men said one thing and did another. And what they did was bad. It was bad. All of her self-preserving instincts were screaming at her to run fast and far away from this situation.
She knew it wasn’t logical. This place, Serendipity’s little white chapel, was the church she’d grown up in, a place of warm memories and happy times. It was where she’d first learned to sing “Jesus Loves Me,” where she’d been told she was His little lamb and that if she became lost, He would cheerfully leave all of His other sheep to come and find her.
Only, when she’d become lost, no one had come to find her, not even the Lord.
And that was just one more grudge to hold against Adrian—one more way in which he’d hurt her. This place, that used to stand for security and love, now just made her anxious and uncomfortable. There was no safety to be found here. Not for her. Nor was there a chance of trust on her part to be given to any man who had a hand in running it. Just the thought of meeting the pastor made her stomach twist.
If she had a lick of sense she’d turn right around and go home. This wasn’t her battle.
If it weren’t for this baby...
But there was a baby. That infant made it her battle. She’d promised Jo she would help, and that alone would have been enough to keep her walking forward. But more than that, she’d made a personal vow that she would help children in need wherever and whenever she found them. She couldn’t make up for what Adrian had done—and she could never fully forgive herself for what she had stepped aside and allowed him to do—but maybe, just maybe, she could help someone else’s child, like this tiny gift of humanity who had apparently been horribly abandoned by the very people who should have loved him or her the most.
She’d help the baby, she’d do whatever Jo needed her to do—and then she’d leave the chapel, and the pastor she had no interest in knowing, behind.
As she entered the church and was greeted by Pastor Shawn, it was all she could do not to recoil from his handshake. Oh, he appeared pleasant enough with his Irish good looks—reddish-blond hair, a kind expression on his face and laugh lines fanning from his light blue eyes. Both his gaze and his smile were welcoming. He was obviously relieved that support had arrived. But Heather knew how easy it was for a man to put on a mask for the world and hide his true nature. A charming smile no longer had the capacity to fool her. Especially not on a preacher.
“Jo. Ma’am.” He tipped his head toward Heather. “Thank you both for coming in the middle of the night.”
“This is Heather Lewis,” Jo said by way of introduction. “She’s our resident expert, seeing as she has a house full of foster children. She also has a professional background in child care, which I suspect will be invaluable to us.”