A Family After All. Kathy Altman
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right? But they did a good job with it. These days, funny farm is an apt description.”
“Oh, come on.” Allison settled her glass next in line for tea. “You’ve got that place running like a well-oiled machine.”
Liquid sloshed onto the lace tablecloth and Ivy hissed. She set the pitcher aside and snatched up a stack of napkins. “Dammit. Parker, I’m sorry—”
“Relax. Accidents happen. Be right back.” Parker rushed off to the kitchen.
Allison came around the table to help mop up. “You’re not yourself tonight. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
Ivy lifted her head. Everyone was listening, expressions full of shared concern.
She sighed. “My manager quit this afternoon. Less than an hour after that, one of my farmhands walked out when I told him he wasn’t qualified to step into the position.”
Her news was greeted with a chorus of sympathetic noises. Hazel leaned over and put a hand on her arm. “Sorry to hear that, hon.”
Allison looked thoughtful as she dabbed at the tablecloth. “So you’ll need someone to help out part-time while you’re looking for replacements.”
Ivy smirked at her designer-clad friend. “Why? You interested?”
“Dear God in heaven, no. Learning to milk a cow is not on my bucket list.” Allison grinned. “See what I did there?” When no one else seemed impressed, she went back to dabbing. “How about Seth?”
Ivy set her glass down before it slipped through her fingers. “In the first place, he has two kids to look after and his own business to run. In the second...” She hesitated. Allison bumped her shoulder.
“C’mon, girl, spill it.”
Parker chuckled as she came back into the room with a handful of dishrags. “She already did.”
Liz tittered.
Ivy exhaled. “Seth and I... We’re not on the best of terms.”
Hazel pursed her blueberry lips. “When are you going to stop rejecting that gorgeous man?”
“As of today,” Ivy muttered.
Allison clapped her hands. “You’re finally going for it? For crying out loud, woman, what are you doing here?”
Ivy was shaking her head, her braid heavy between her shoulder blades. “I won’t be rejecting him, because after today he won’t be asking me out anymore.”
“What did you do?” wailed Hazel.
Allison shrugged her slim shoulders. “All that means is you have to ask him.”
“Ladies, I’m not interested in dating. Period.”
“But this is Seth. What’s the big deal about dating Seth?” June fluffed her silver hair. “Go on a few dates, do the nasty, decide if you’re in it to win it.”
It took a moment for Ivy to find her voice again. “The big deal is, he may very well realize that dating me is no deal at all. That I’m one big anticlimax, so to speak. What if he’s so disappointed he decides he never wants to see me again?”
Parker turned and lobbed the dishrags at the nearest countertop, added a mini quiche to her plate and passed the platter. “Maybe I’m just being slow, but hasn’t that already happened?”
“He didn’t say he never wanted to see her again. He told her he was cutting back on seeing her.” Liz paused, then made a face at Parker. “Dude. You’re right.” She turned a sympathetic smile on Ivy. “What are you going to do?”
“The only thing I can do.” Ivy sank into the nearest chair and pushed at her plate. “Cut my losses and start saving for a wedding present for him and Ms. DMV.”
Allison put a hand on her hip. “Is this about Evan?”
Liz frowned. “Who’s Evan?”
“You remember.” June nibbled at a cube of cheddar. “The guy Ivy was going to marry.”
“That jerk.” Liz finished off her plate with a ham biscuit and settled across from Ivy.
“Wait. I never knew you were engaged,” Parker said.
Allison poured her own tea and pulled out the chair beside Ivy. “Two years ago, and she hasn’t dated anyone since. And no—” she aimed a pointed glance at her neighbor “—casual sex isn’t dating.”
At the head of the table, Hazel grinned. “It’s one hell of a runner-up, though.”
“And of course this is about Evan.” Allison flapped her napkin and dropped it into her lap. “A guy says he loves you and can’t get a ring on your finger fast enough and all the while, he’s scheming to sell your farm to a real estate developer? That’s bound to leave a scar.”
June sprang to her feet and brushed crumbs from her sweater dress. “How about we look at Seth as an investment? Run the numbers. Do a risk analysis. What do you think, dear heart?”
“I think we have better things to do.” Ivy turned resolutely to Parker. “Tell us about that stock you mentioned.”
Parker grinned. “I’d rather do a stock study on Seth.”
“Thank you.” June cast a stern expression on Ivy. “You going to make us take a vote?”
“Fine. Whatever.” Ivy yanked her plate closer and wrenched a red grape free of its cluster. “But I’m telling you, this is a losing proposition.”
“We won’t know that until we’ve filled out the checklist.” June bent down to the shoulder bag she’d stashed under the table and pulled out a clipboard. She put on her reading glasses, picked up a pen and got down to business. “Historical earnings?”
Ivy snorted. Allison flicked Ivy’s biceps and June peered at her over the top of her glasses.
Ivy sighed. “He’s only been running the feed store for a year.”
“Insufficient data.” June scribbled on the form.
Ivy shifted in her chair. “But he is the owner.”
“Which means it’ll be easy to find out what management’s up to. Debt ratio?”
“Really? You think I know that?”
“What I want to know is—” Hazel looked up from polishing her bifocals “—what’s his growth potential?”
Liz elbowed her in the ribs. “I’m betting eight inches.”
Amid the whoops and high fives, Ivy dropped her head into her hands. Please, God, just take me now.
“How about his current yield?” someone asked.
“Ivy’s the one with the high yield.” That was Allison. “If she had her way, she’d be yielding all over the place.”
“That’s enough.” Ivy planted her palms on the table and pushed to her feet. “Thank you all for the advice. It may have been unsolicited, but it was definitely valueless. Now can we please start the meeting?”
June grinned. “I see what you did there.”
“Ivy’s right—it’s time to get down to business.” Parker opened her laptop. “Let’s start with—”
“Wait, I have one, I have one.” Liz was practically bouncing in her seat as she leaned toward Ivy. “Bite low and say hi.”
Ivy couldn’t help but laugh, Liz looked so delighted with herself.
“What does that even mean?” Hazel squinted across the table. “You want her to bite his crankshaft? I wouldn’t think that would go over so well.”
June