Yuletide Cowboys: The Cowboy's Yuletide Reunion / The Cowboy's Christmas Gift. Arlene James
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disorientation. She felt a little dizzy, as if the ground was rocking beneath her. “It’s our spare room and we use it for storage, but there’s a bed you can use for the night.”
Marcus opened his mouth as if to protest, then glanced over his shoulder at the heavy snowfall and nodded. “I appreciate the offer. I hope I’m not putting you out too much.”
“Not at all,” Eliza inserted before Sarah could answer. “We’re glad to have you. I’m sure you and Sarah will enjoy catching up with each other.”
Enjoy wasn’t exactly the word Sarah would have used. The last thing she wanted to do was share with Marcus all the trials she’d been through recently, but she had a feeling she was about to do just that. He’d always had a way of drawing her out when they were dating in high school.
“Will your husband be able to make it home through the storm, do you think?”
Sarah choked on her breath and Eliza audibly inhaled. Carl coughed to fill the sudden silence.
Marcus looked from one of them to another, his brow lowering over the bright blue of his eyes. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”
“Justin passed away last year at Christmas,” Sarah whispered over the lump in her throat.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“No. Of course you didn’t.”
“How about that coffee?” Eliza asked a little too brightly. She turned and bustled off into the kitchen.
Marcus threaded his fingers through his hair, ruffling the thick blond waves. He paced a few feet and then turned and strode back again, looking as uncomfortable as she’d ever seen him.
“Please sit down.” She couldn’t talk to him while he was pacing around like a caged tiger. “You’re making me nervous.”
He rubbed his palms down his thighs and gnawed at the inside of his cheek, eyeing the opposite end of the sofa from where Pops was sitting, but not moving to seat himself. The older man cleared his throat and stood.
“I think I’ll check on Onyx,” he said, his voice unusually scratchy. They didn’t often talk about Justin, and Sarah was afraid the topic was upsetting him—just what he didn’t need with his heart condition.
“Why don’t you go lie down and rest for a bit?” she suggested.
He nodded. “Maybe I will.”
Marcus waited until Carl had left the room before gingerly seating himself on the edge of the couch, his back ramrod straight as he leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. His gaze met hers, an outpouring of sympathy and curiosity.
Where did she even begin?
He smiled openly, encouraging her to speak without actually speaking. When he finally did say something, his words were the exact opposite of what she’d expected. “You don’t have to talk about it if you’d rather not.”
Suddenly the need to unburden herself flooded her chest and she was unable to stop herself. She’d carried this load alone for far too long. The farm and the girls kept her too busy to maintain close friendships with anyone in town, and she couldn’t burden her in-laws with her doubts and fears. Marcus would be leaving as soon as the snow let up. What difference would it make if she shared some of the more difficult portions of her life with him? It wasn’t as if she was going to see him again. And he always had been a good listener.
“No, I don’t mind. I just don’t want to upset Granny and Pops. Justin has been gone for a year now, but the loss is still tender for them.”
He nodded. “I can imagine. For you and the children, as well.”
She nodded and tried to swallow around the lump of emotion clogging her throat, blinking back the tears that burned in the corners of her eyes. She hadn’t allowed herself to cry in months, and now already today she’d been on the verge of tears several times.
Eliza returned with steaming red-and-green-striped mugs of coffee, then excused herself and followed her husband down the hall. Sarah watched silently until she was out of sight.
“How’d you meet Justin?” Marcus asked.
That wasn’t the question she’d expected and it took her off guard. Most people only wanted to know how he’d died, not how they’d met.
“In a marketing class my last year of college. He was twelve years older than me and I thought the fact that his family owned a Christmas tree farm was romantic.” She laughed drily at the irony. She and Justin had had a happy marriage, but nothing over-the-moon and starry-eyed. Not as she’d felt when she was with Marcus. “We dated for a little over a year and then he asked me to marry him.”
Marcus’s smile looked strained. She couldn’t blame him. It was an odd conversation to be having with an ex. “You said yes, obviously.”
“It seemed like the next logical step.”
His eyebrows rose. “Logical?”
She shrugged. “You know me. Ever the pragmatist.”
“I remember. You told me not to bring you flowers so often because they faded and died within a week and my money could be better spent on other things.”
“Which is true. As I recall, you never listened to me.”
“That’s because you deserve pretty things and I enjoyed giving them to you.”
Her stomach fluttered when she realized he’d used the present tense of deserve, as if he still felt something for her. He’d always had the habit of saying things that ruffled her. Apparently that hadn’t changed with time.
“The farm belongs to Justin’s family. I moved out here and did computer coding work at home until Onyx came along. After that I dropped back to part-time so I could take care of her.”
“And Jewel?”
“Jewel was born after Justin passed away. His accident was on Christmas Eve last year. I was three months pregnant at the time.”
Marcus captured her gaze with his, his eyes clouding with sympathy and concern.
She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her, especially since the story was only going to go downhill from here. She remembered how naturally empathetic and sensitive Marcus was, how he’d always seemed to be able to feel her emotions. He rode her roller coaster of highs and lows right along with her. The more she told him now the worse it would be. Her pride flared at the realization that he might pity her. She couldn’t even stand to think about that.
Her current position wasn’t entirely her fault. Most of the blame lay at Justin’s feet. But she owned up to her own role in the drama.
A deep, undecipherable sound echoed from his throat. He reached for her but she instinctively jerked back. If Marcus put his arms around her right now she would lose it, and she refused to cry in front of him.
He lowered his arms, his hands twitching into fists. The corners of his full lips bowed downward, and her stomach churned. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but she had only a tenuous hold on her own emotions and she simply couldn’t risk it.
“There was an unexpected storm on the day before Christmas last year—much like this one. It came out of nowhere and created whiteout conditions on the roads.
“Onyx had seen a television commercial for this specific doll and it was all she talked about for a good month solid. Naturally it was the top-selling girl’s toy that year. We’d planned to do our shopping on Black Friday but no matter how many stores we hit, we couldn’t get our hands on that exact doll, and we knew nothing else would do for her. We called dozens of stores but couldn’t find it anywhere. We checked online but people were selling the doll at ridiculous prices, as if it were some kind of collector’s item and not a piece of cheap plastic in a fabric dress.”
He