Obsession. Kayla Perrin
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right about our hearts not having an on/off switch.
Life wasn’t black and white. Love wasn’t black and white. I didn’t know if I’d ever stop loving Andrew. But just because I might always love him didn’t mean we had to be together.
“You want to know what the icing on the cake is?” I asked after a moment. “Andrew told me that if I wanted to, I could have an affair to even the score.”
Marnie stopped chewing her popcorn. “What?”
“How thoughtful of him, huh?”
“Right,” Marnie said sarcastically.
“I don’t know if he meant it,” I went on. “He was likely just rambling. He seemed to be saying anything that might get me to tell him I’d forgive him.”
We ate in silence for a while longer, and Marnie’s eyes wandered. After a moment, her eyebrows rose. “I see you have a new wedding picture.”
I followed her gaze and saw the painting I’d put up over my wedding portrait. “It was quicker than taking it down,” I explained.
“And helpful if you bring a man home home.” A beat passed. “Would you?”
“Would I screw some other guy to even the score?” I asked, my tone saying it was definitely something I would not consider.
Marnie dropped popcorn into her mouth and chewed. “Maybe you should.”
“What?”
“Hear me out. And I’m not saying you should go fuck some other guy to even the score. But maybe it’s a good idea to see what else is out there,” she said tentatively. “You’ve been with Andrew for ten years. Twenty when you started dating, twenty-two when you married. Maybe, just maybe, he isn’t the man you’re supposed to be with for the rest of your life.”
I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I could contemplate moving on—at least not yet.
“Do you want him to move back in right now?”
“No.”
“Do you think your marriage is going to be the same even if you do work things out?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t imagine our marriage ever being the same. Not after this.
“I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have, hoping Keith would stop cheating and realize that he loved me. At the time, I didn’t think I could be happy without him. I was so stupid. The truth is, the day I let him go was the best day of my life. Have I found my knight in shining armor yet? Maybe not, but fuck, it’s far better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you.”
“With all due respect,” I began slowly, “this is the first time Andrew has cheated.”
Marnie gave me a look. I wasn’t sure if it was pity or something else.
“That’s what he said. And I…I believe him.”
Marnie shrugged.
“You knew Keith was cheating on you. You always told me you felt it. You’d find phone numbers stuffed in his pockets, lipstick on his collar…”
“And some guys are smarter than Keith ever was.”
“Marnie, that’s not what I need to hear right now.”
She held up both hands. “All right. Forget about Andrew and whether or not this was the first time he cheated. My whole point is that you need to start concentrating on you. On what you need, on what’s good for you. What if what’s good for you is fresh cock?” She wriggled her eyebrows.
“Marnie!” I slapped her hand, and she laughed. I laughed, too.
“First of all, dating someone else will be a good way to take your mind off Andrew. And who knows, you just might meet the man of your dreams while you’re at it.”
“Marnie—”
“And if not…it’s been ten years and you’ve only had sex with one man.”
“That’s what happens when you’re married.”
“Tell that to guys,” Marnie mumbled.
I made a face.
“Bottom line, if all you get out of this is another sexual experience… is that so bad? It might even help.”
I stood. “Okay. Enough about my marriage.”
“What are you doing?” Marnie asked as I started to walk out of the kitchen.
“Going to take two Advil before we head out for dinner. Because if I’m going to continue to drown my sorrows in alcohol, I’m going to need more than popcorn in my stomach.”
Marnie smiled.
“And the last thing I want is a migraine if I might possibly meet the man of my dreams tonight.”
Now Marnie laughed. “That’s the spirit.”
I continued to the bedroom. I didn’t really plan on meeting anyone, but I was up for a fun evening of music and dancing.
There was no point spending the night alone in an empty house that would only remind me of Andrew.
6
As Marnie drove us to CityWalk, I couldn’t help thinking about her words.
And Andrew’s unorthodox suggestion.
Maybe my friend was right. Maybe I needed to see what else was out there, experience being with a new man before I decided what I’d do next. At the very least, I needed a diversion. Something to distract me from thoughts of Andrew cheating and the possible lawsuit his scorned lover might launch against him.
The more I mulled over the idea, the more it appealed to me. After all, I’d given Andrew no reason to cheat. I loved him. I did as much as I could to be the best wife possible. And we got along well, even if the passion of our earlier years had waned.
If he’d wanted to recharge that passion, he could have suggested something to me. Anything, really. It wasn’t as if Andrew and I couldn’t talk.
That’s what made his cheating even harder to accept. That he wasn’t the type of man I expected would betray me before talking to me about a problem.
“Do you think he isn’t attracted to me anymore?” I suddenly asked.
Marnie glanced at me as if I were crazy. “What?”
“You know. Maybe he wanted me decked out in miniskirts and tank tops all the time or something.”
“Now this is what bugs me. Women always end up blaming themselves when their man cheats. Trust me, I know.” Marnie stopped at a light, then made a right turn. “You’re beautiful, sexy, and if Andrew cheated, he’s the one with the problem—not you. That’s my whole point about seeing what else is out there. Another man—the kind who’d never betray you—might just sweep you off your feet.”
“And I thought you were such a cynic,” I teased.
“How many people are on the planet? Five billion? At least a few of those guys have to be decent and trustworthy. Oh—and hot as hell.” Marnie grinned devilishly, as though that last qualification was the most important.
“Of course,” Marnie continued, “if you decide just to look, that’s perfectly fine. A little eye candy never hurt nobody.”
“If nothing else, I’m going to have a good time tonight. You always make me laugh.”
We decided on BB King’s Blues Club, since we could kill two birds with one stone there—enjoy authentic Southern cuisine while listening to a live band.
I was dressed to the nines, in a short black skirt and low-cut red top that had heads turning as I stepped into